It's a known fact, for those who pay attention to these kinds of things, that when it comes to court cases, it doesn't matter what the facts are. What matters is what can be proven. A jury in Maryland ruled in favor of the school and school administrators in a high-profile bullying case of a 10-year-old special needs student. In so doing, they cited that there wasn't enough evidence to support the claims of negligence on the administrators' parts. Shame. Shame. Shame.
So, what's the lesson learned in this case? Most importantly is that it really doesn't matter what the facts are, only what can be proven. (just ask O.J. Simpson. I'm sure he'd agree.) So, with that said, know that if you're ever faced with a similar situation, document EVERYTHING! Take pictures. Take videos, if possible. Write, and sign, notes! Keep a log of all phone calls. Keep a log of the responses you get during these phone calls. Leave no stone unturned. See, Ed and Shawna Sullivan didn't do this. They didn't understand the significance of having solid proof. They didn't understand the ramifications of NOT doing so. They thought their word would be enough. They were wrong. And, now, because they didn't know, they will have the task of telling their 10-year-old son that the school administrators got away with not protecting him better. He won't understand. He's 10.
In a sense, the 10-year-old boy got bullied again yesterday by the legal system. Or, was he victimized by parents who didn't understand how the system works. As a 10-year-old, what he understands most is that he, and they, lost.
Friday, December 23, 2011
More on Colton Wilson
Police are still investigating the death of Colton Wilson. His family is saying "it was an accident". Bottom line here is that another young life has ended prematurely.
Rumors of bullycide started circulating almost immediately. The truth is not every teen suicide is the result of bullying. Take Jamie Hubley, for example. Yes, he was bullied, and at least one time severely. However, it wasn't bullying that led Jamie to take his own life. It was depression. A very deep depression.
By all accounts, young Colton wasn't the type who would "...allow himself to be bullied", which I read as saying he had a little bit of spunk to him. Actually, that was refreshing to read. Colton was a baseball player, a wrestler, a NASCAR enthusiast. I read that as him being a bit scrappy...hardly the type who would be bullied. Yet, something terrible happened. Now, he's gone. Now, with Christmas just 2 days away, Colton's family, including his twin brother, and friends are left to sort through this and try to carry on without him.
One heartwarming story is emerging from Colton's death. His organs have been removed and are helping other young people to live. When I suffered the loss of my dear friend so many years ago, we all were able to take solace in the fact that his death had helped others live. Hopefully, the same will be true for Colton's family and friends.
Colton Wilson's family needs help with the funeral and burial costs. At the bottom of the article, click the link, there's information on how you can contribute. Christmas is the time for giving. I can't think of a better gift to give at this moment.
Rumors of bullycide started circulating almost immediately. The truth is not every teen suicide is the result of bullying. Take Jamie Hubley, for example. Yes, he was bullied, and at least one time severely. However, it wasn't bullying that led Jamie to take his own life. It was depression. A very deep depression.
By all accounts, young Colton wasn't the type who would "...allow himself to be bullied", which I read as saying he had a little bit of spunk to him. Actually, that was refreshing to read. Colton was a baseball player, a wrestler, a NASCAR enthusiast. I read that as him being a bit scrappy...hardly the type who would be bullied. Yet, something terrible happened. Now, he's gone. Now, with Christmas just 2 days away, Colton's family, including his twin brother, and friends are left to sort through this and try to carry on without him.
One heartwarming story is emerging from Colton's death. His organs have been removed and are helping other young people to live. When I suffered the loss of my dear friend so many years ago, we all were able to take solace in the fact that his death had helped others live. Hopefully, the same will be true for Colton's family and friends.
Colton Wilson's family needs help with the funeral and burial costs. At the bottom of the article, click the link, there's information on how you can contribute. Christmas is the time for giving. I can't think of a better gift to give at this moment.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It Happens Again: Rest In Peace Colton Wilson (13 years old)
I was posting my previous entry to one of the pages I usually post to. There was an urgent post from a young girl, asking for prayers for a young man whom she didn't know but heard that he'd just attempted suicide and was in ICU. I did a little checking, and my heart broke yet again.
Thirteen year old Colton Wilson ended his young life Tuesday, December 20th. The details have not been released as the police are continuing an investigation. Speculation is already circulating that it's yet another bullycide, but speculation is unfair to a family who is currently reeling from the loss of their 13-year-old son. We may never know the true reason why. What we do know is that the world has lost yet one more of its youth to suicide. It hurts me to write this. I can't even imagine how heavy the hearts of the family and friends are right now. Pray for them. Pray for the youth of our society.
Rest in Peace, Colton.
Thirteen year old Colton Wilson ended his young life Tuesday, December 20th. The details have not been released as the police are continuing an investigation. Speculation is already circulating that it's yet another bullycide, but speculation is unfair to a family who is currently reeling from the loss of their 13-year-old son. We may never know the true reason why. What we do know is that the world has lost yet one more of its youth to suicide. It hurts me to write this. I can't even imagine how heavy the hearts of the family and friends are right now. Pray for them. Pray for the youth of our society.
Rest in Peace, Colton.
Judge Throws Out 9 of 13 Charges in Baltimore Bullying Case
In my Saturday, December 17th blog entry, "VICTORY!!!", I spoke briefly about a case in Baltimore where a 10-year-old special needs student had been bullied so severely, his parents were suing the school administrators and system. I provided a link to the article. Maybe you read it. Maybe not.
The latest development in that case is the judge, today, through out nearly 3/4 of the charges brought against the school and its administrators. An amazing 9 of the 13 charges were dropped, citing that they were "too vague". Apparently, not everyone has adopted a ZERO TOLERANCE policy, yet. (the maddening thing is Maryland is MY state!!!) If the school officials in this case get off with nothing more than a wrist slap, what message will that send? What will that say to the family involved? What does the kid, himself, get out that? I'll tell you. He, and they, will come away with a state-sanctioned message that kids getting bullied while on their watch really isn't a big concern of theirs. Says the defense attorney in the case, "Not all fights...are bullying..." I'm thinking the defense attorney doesn't have kids.
Let's set this straight: bullying is NEVER ok! And, when it happens at school or on school grounds, the school administrators are required, REQUIRED!, to take immediate and decisive action. Anything less than that, and every child in that school system is at risk everyday that they are in school.
Maryland would do well to follow Tennessee's lead from earlier in the week. There, the judge sent a clear-cut message the bullying was absolutely not tolerated there. State-by-state, that same policy needs to be introduced and upheld. Once implemented, any teacher or school administrator who doesn't follow the zero tolerance guidelines should be removed from a position where they are responsible for the safety, physically and emotionally, of young people. Failure to follow the zero tolerance guidelines means that they are incapable of protecting YOUR children from vicious attacks. And, if that's the case, they should have to pay. Pay by losing their jobs. And, as in the case in Baltimore, they should have to pay monetarily for the pain and suffering endured by the bullying.
Here's to hoping the jury makes the right decision.
The latest development in that case is the judge, today, through out nearly 3/4 of the charges brought against the school and its administrators. An amazing 9 of the 13 charges were dropped, citing that they were "too vague". Apparently, not everyone has adopted a ZERO TOLERANCE policy, yet. (the maddening thing is Maryland is MY state!!!) If the school officials in this case get off with nothing more than a wrist slap, what message will that send? What will that say to the family involved? What does the kid, himself, get out that? I'll tell you. He, and they, will come away with a state-sanctioned message that kids getting bullied while on their watch really isn't a big concern of theirs. Says the defense attorney in the case, "Not all fights...are bullying..." I'm thinking the defense attorney doesn't have kids.
Let's set this straight: bullying is NEVER ok! And, when it happens at school or on school grounds, the school administrators are required, REQUIRED!, to take immediate and decisive action. Anything less than that, and every child in that school system is at risk everyday that they are in school.
Maryland would do well to follow Tennessee's lead from earlier in the week. There, the judge sent a clear-cut message the bullying was absolutely not tolerated there. State-by-state, that same policy needs to be introduced and upheld. Once implemented, any teacher or school administrator who doesn't follow the zero tolerance guidelines should be removed from a position where they are responsible for the safety, physically and emotionally, of young people. Failure to follow the zero tolerance guidelines means that they are incapable of protecting YOUR children from vicious attacks. And, if that's the case, they should have to pay. Pay by losing their jobs. And, as in the case in Baltimore, they should have to pay monetarily for the pain and suffering endured by the bullying.
Here's to hoping the jury makes the right decision.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
It's OK to be Different
The tide is changing. I just read a remarkably refreshing story written by a first-grade school teacher. She tells a story of how she deals with gender-variance issues in her classroom. In the first-grade!
She was presented with an issue that needed to be addressed in order to a.) bring comfort to a student who was struggling with gender-based issues. That's right, in the first-grade! And, b.) create an environment where her students wouldn't follow the path of bullying because of perceived differences. It's a brilliant story. I don't want to say anything more about it. I've provided a link to it. Read it for yourself.
Teaching that it is ok to be different when it comes to gender-variation to first-grade students will certainly bring the ire "certain people". But, it's those "certain people" who helps create the environment that tells kids that it's ok to show intolerance and even hatred to people who are "different". Especially when it comes to sexuality. I can just hear it now: "they're trying to recruit our children!" The first time I heard that nonsense, many years ago, I laughed until I nearly peed on myself! That's insanity in its purest form.
Children that young may not be ready to identify themselves as gay, straight, or lesbian. Nor should they be expected to. However, children that young DO know that there's "something different" about them. To a person, every one of my LGBT friends knew at a very young age that they were "different". I did. And, I acted on it for the very first time when I was in the first grade. So, if they are aware enough to know that they have feelings that are different than the perceived norm, shouldn't it make sense to teach them in a way that makes them feel good about themselves. Doesn't it make sense to foster a sense of self-confidence in the while they're still very young as opposed to teaching them that they're deviant or that they need help?
I think the choice is clear: 1.) we can continue teaching that people who are "different" are to be treated as such. And, in the process, we're teaching the "different" children that they are inferior or defective. That they don't fit. That they need to be "fixed". And, in that same process, we're also teaching the kids who are NOT different, the "normal" kids, that it's alright to treat the "different" kids harshly. After all, they deserve it. They're freaks. Make no mistake: this battle has been fought many times throughout history. Slaves were "different". Jews were "different". Blacks were "different". Women were "different". And, throughout history, members from each of those groups were harassed, beaten, and even killed. Or, they killed themselves.
The second option makes much more sense. We can follow Melissa Bollow Tempel's example by teaching them at a very early age that it's ok to be different, that you really DON'T have to fit into "the box". Following her lead fosters self-confidence. It builds self-confidence. It takes away the potential future bully's most consistent tool: the perception that their targeted victim is "different" from them.
Teaching acceptance on all levels to a first-grader is simply brilliant. It certainly worked in Melissa Bollow Tempel's first-grade class... She's making a difference. If we had more people like Melissa in this world, we'd be seeing much less incidences of bullying which means far fewer incidences of teen suicide. And, that's our goal.
She was presented with an issue that needed to be addressed in order to a.) bring comfort to a student who was struggling with gender-based issues. That's right, in the first-grade! And, b.) create an environment where her students wouldn't follow the path of bullying because of perceived differences. It's a brilliant story. I don't want to say anything more about it. I've provided a link to it. Read it for yourself.
Teaching that it is ok to be different when it comes to gender-variation to first-grade students will certainly bring the ire "certain people". But, it's those "certain people" who helps create the environment that tells kids that it's ok to show intolerance and even hatred to people who are "different". Especially when it comes to sexuality. I can just hear it now: "they're trying to recruit our children!" The first time I heard that nonsense, many years ago, I laughed until I nearly peed on myself! That's insanity in its purest form.
Children that young may not be ready to identify themselves as gay, straight, or lesbian. Nor should they be expected to. However, children that young DO know that there's "something different" about them. To a person, every one of my LGBT friends knew at a very young age that they were "different". I did. And, I acted on it for the very first time when I was in the first grade. So, if they are aware enough to know that they have feelings that are different than the perceived norm, shouldn't it make sense to teach them in a way that makes them feel good about themselves. Doesn't it make sense to foster a sense of self-confidence in the while they're still very young as opposed to teaching them that they're deviant or that they need help?
I think the choice is clear: 1.) we can continue teaching that people who are "different" are to be treated as such. And, in the process, we're teaching the "different" children that they are inferior or defective. That they don't fit. That they need to be "fixed". And, in that same process, we're also teaching the kids who are NOT different, the "normal" kids, that it's alright to treat the "different" kids harshly. After all, they deserve it. They're freaks. Make no mistake: this battle has been fought many times throughout history. Slaves were "different". Jews were "different". Blacks were "different". Women were "different". And, throughout history, members from each of those groups were harassed, beaten, and even killed. Or, they killed themselves.
The second option makes much more sense. We can follow Melissa Bollow Tempel's example by teaching them at a very early age that it's ok to be different, that you really DON'T have to fit into "the box". Following her lead fosters self-confidence. It builds self-confidence. It takes away the potential future bully's most consistent tool: the perception that their targeted victim is "different" from them.
Teaching acceptance on all levels to a first-grader is simply brilliant. It certainly worked in Melissa Bollow Tempel's first-grade class... She's making a difference. If we had more people like Melissa in this world, we'd be seeing much less incidences of bullying which means far fewer incidences of teen suicide. And, that's our goal.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Brandon McInerney Sentenced to 21 Years for Killing Gay Classmate
Today, Brandon McInerney, who admitted to executing Lawrence King three years ago, will spend the majority of the next 21 years in state prison. Lawrence King, who was openly gay, was shot 2 times in the head, execution-style by McInerney, who was 14 at the time. Fourteen. King was 15 at the time of his death.
McInerney, who is straight, hit a breaking point after King had allegedly hit on him and a couple other straight boys. So, instead of confronting King about this, telling him that you disapproved of his advances and wanted him to stop, you aimed a gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Twice.
This is a tragedy for all parties. It goes without saying that life will never be the same for the family and friends of Lawrence King. His life was snuffed out after only 15 years. Intolerance. Hatred. Lack of understanding. At the same time, Brandon McInerney's family also lost their son on that day. He will spend a good part of his early adulthood in a prison cell. When he returns to society, he will not be the same person. So, in effect, two young lives ended that day.
I'm not suggesting sympathy for Brandon by any stretch of the imagination. He most certainly deserved to be punished severely for the crime he committed. Zero tolerance. What I am suggesting, however, is something I've been saying all along. The real issue is with the adults in Brandon's life when he was 14 years old. Where did he learn to hate at that level? Or, at all!!?? Where were the school administrators when this tension was intensifying? Where was the intervention? Where on Earth did 14-year-old Brandon McInerney get a loaded gun from? Sadly, if these simple questions could've been answered 3 years ago, Lawrence King would be in college right now. And, Brandon McInerney wouldn't be heading off to a world unlike anything he's ever known.
McInerney, who is straight, hit a breaking point after King had allegedly hit on him and a couple other straight boys. So, instead of confronting King about this, telling him that you disapproved of his advances and wanted him to stop, you aimed a gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Twice.
This is a tragedy for all parties. It goes without saying that life will never be the same for the family and friends of Lawrence King. His life was snuffed out after only 15 years. Intolerance. Hatred. Lack of understanding. At the same time, Brandon McInerney's family also lost their son on that day. He will spend a good part of his early adulthood in a prison cell. When he returns to society, he will not be the same person. So, in effect, two young lives ended that day.
I'm not suggesting sympathy for Brandon by any stretch of the imagination. He most certainly deserved to be punished severely for the crime he committed. Zero tolerance. What I am suggesting, however, is something I've been saying all along. The real issue is with the adults in Brandon's life when he was 14 years old. Where did he learn to hate at that level? Or, at all!!?? Where were the school administrators when this tension was intensifying? Where was the intervention? Where on Earth did 14-year-old Brandon McInerney get a loaded gun from? Sadly, if these simple questions could've been answered 3 years ago, Lawrence King would be in college right now. And, Brandon McInerney wouldn't be heading off to a world unlike anything he's ever known.
Religion, Homosexuality, and Suicide
I just finished reading an entry from a fellow blogger that moved me to tears. And, I strongly suggest that everyone reads this story. See, religion nearly cost him his son. Thank God he didn't succeed. Ironic, huh?
I promised myself from the beginning of this blogging venture that I would do my damnedest to keep religion out of this. It's hard. When you see people like Michele Bachmann constantly ranting in the media against gays, (and, today's story is a doozy!!!), it becomes increasingly harder. People of her ilk are extremely dangerous because they've become so consumed with their belief and ideology that there's no room for anything other than what they believe. That's a dangerous place to be. Life is so many shades of gray. Kept out of the limelight as this woman runs for the highest office in the entire free world is the fact that her husband runs one of those "clinics" that "cures" gays. Where was he last week when I had a cold? These "clinics have been known to drive people to suicide. And, the scary part about that is that "they're" ok with that. In the eyes, in the heart (sic) and soul of these "believers", if you're gay or lesbian, you SHOULD burn. (did I say she wanted to become our President?)
I relate to this lunacy completely. I was born into one of those 5-day-a-week church-going families. I was also born gay. Once my mother passed away, the rest of the family effectively died, as well. I have a sister who lives literally 5 minutes away from where I'm sitting this very moment, and 15 minutes away from where I live. I have not seen my mother's daughter since Thanksgiving 1985! All of my aunts and uncles and cousins also soundly rejected me, as well. Orphaned. HATED, in the name of the Lord. I survived.
Here's the real deal, and you're free to agree or disagree with me. Either way, my view here is unflappable. Today, there are people who disguise themselves as Christians who are as dangerous to the mental and emotional well-being, not to mention safety, of members of our society as any terrorist could ever be. When you have a pastor ordering his congregation (Grace Fellowship Church in Fruitland, TN) to beat a gay couple trying to enter the church; when you have Westboro Baptist Church, pastor and congregation, carrying out their mission of hatred; when you have a Presidential candidate pushing anti-gay rhetoric so fiercely that the rate of gay teen suicides in the district she represents is greatly higher than in any other part of the state, you know that we have a deep problem. Fruitland? Heh heh heh.
It's okay if these people don't "accept" me. I couldn't care less. I accept me, and I know that God accepts me. And, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs. Supposedly, that's one of the beauties of living in the United States of America. Supposedly. However, when these people start attempting to ram their beliefs down our collective throats, when these people start committing acts of violence against us, when these people start showing up at our funerals as we mourn and say goodbye to our loved ones, the line has to be definitively drawn. Enough hatred!
The irony here is that God is love. That's what I was taught. These people, disguised as Christians, are preaching exactly the opposite. They're spreading hatred and intolerance in the name of the Lord. (who REALLY needs to fear Judgment Day?) I'm reminded of a quote from Gandhi: "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike Christ." Amen.
I promised myself from the beginning of this blogging venture that I would do my damnedest to keep religion out of this. It's hard. When you see people like Michele Bachmann constantly ranting in the media against gays, (and, today's story is a doozy!!!), it becomes increasingly harder. People of her ilk are extremely dangerous because they've become so consumed with their belief and ideology that there's no room for anything other than what they believe. That's a dangerous place to be. Life is so many shades of gray. Kept out of the limelight as this woman runs for the highest office in the entire free world is the fact that her husband runs one of those "clinics" that "cures" gays. Where was he last week when I had a cold? These "clinics have been known to drive people to suicide. And, the scary part about that is that "they're" ok with that. In the eyes, in the heart (sic) and soul of these "believers", if you're gay or lesbian, you SHOULD burn. (did I say she wanted to become our President?)
I relate to this lunacy completely. I was born into one of those 5-day-a-week church-going families. I was also born gay. Once my mother passed away, the rest of the family effectively died, as well. I have a sister who lives literally 5 minutes away from where I'm sitting this very moment, and 15 minutes away from where I live. I have not seen my mother's daughter since Thanksgiving 1985! All of my aunts and uncles and cousins also soundly rejected me, as well. Orphaned. HATED, in the name of the Lord. I survived.
Here's the real deal, and you're free to agree or disagree with me. Either way, my view here is unflappable. Today, there are people who disguise themselves as Christians who are as dangerous to the mental and emotional well-being, not to mention safety, of members of our society as any terrorist could ever be. When you have a pastor ordering his congregation (Grace Fellowship Church in Fruitland, TN) to beat a gay couple trying to enter the church; when you have Westboro Baptist Church, pastor and congregation, carrying out their mission of hatred; when you have a Presidential candidate pushing anti-gay rhetoric so fiercely that the rate of gay teen suicides in the district she represents is greatly higher than in any other part of the state, you know that we have a deep problem. Fruitland? Heh heh heh.
It's okay if these people don't "accept" me. I couldn't care less. I accept me, and I know that God accepts me. And, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs. Supposedly, that's one of the beauties of living in the United States of America. Supposedly. However, when these people start attempting to ram their beliefs down our collective throats, when these people start committing acts of violence against us, when these people start showing up at our funerals as we mourn and say goodbye to our loved ones, the line has to be definitively drawn. Enough hatred!
The irony here is that God is love. That's what I was taught. These people, disguised as Christians, are preaching exactly the opposite. They're spreading hatred and intolerance in the name of the Lord. (who REALLY needs to fear Judgment Day?) I'm reminded of a quote from Gandhi: "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike Christ." Amen.
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