Love is ALL That Matters

I was perusing the facebook blog page and ran across a link to an article that caught my attention.  I followed the link, read the article, and cried.  I couldn't figure out why it made me cry at that moment.  It just touched a place in my soul that's sensitive.  Then, I saw another post, reminding people that I was the guest writer of the month on a very popular anti-hate website.  In the reminder, he told his audience that I was writing about my childhood experiences.  Then, it made sense.  The tears were coming from that still-bruised 12-year-old.  You have to read the article to understand.

In a nutshell, the link led me to a lengthy comment to an article from another blogger, "I'm a Christian, Unless You're Gay" which, itself, is a rather lengthy article.  Lengthy but very worthwhile.  Correction:  lengthy but a must-read!!!  The article is powerful.  It's powerful because the author, Dan Pearce, is speaking the truth on a topic that far too many people shy away from.  It's powerful because it hits the nail right on the head.  It's top-dead-center.  Perfect.  It's what I've been saying, in one form or another, here in this blog.  But, wait!  For as powerful as the article, itself, is, the article isn't what this is about.  The message he sends is, in a nutshell, love is all that matters.

Writing such powerful articles, straightforward, honest, and real is certain to evoke plenty of emotions and get overwhelming responses.  THAT'S what this is about.  The still-bruised 12-year-old who resides inside of me connected with that lengthy comment that was left by one of his readers.  A teacher gave this article to his class and told them to write about it.  In that class was a 15-year-old gay student.  The article resonated with him.  See, in his Christian home, in his community, homosexuality wasn't just frowned upon:  it was more like the ultimate sin.  As such, he'd lived his entire life buried deeply, and safely, in the closet.  That is until he was handed this assignment and read it.  The comment was written by his devoutly Christian, deeply homophobic mother.

We see it everywhere.  We see it in the news regularly.  We see it in communities across the country, and around the world.  We see it in our homes.  We hear it from certain politicians.  We hear it from some religious "leaders".  The message is clear:  God hates gays!!!  In God's eyes, gays are condemned to hell.  Sick.  Disgusting.  Perverted.  The list goes on.  The message is picked up by the LGBT youth across the country and around the world.  The results...well, we're seeing the results.  The results are being manifested in the bullying we're seeing that's leading far-too-many LGBT teens to suicide.  The results are being manifested in the lack of self-esteem that far-too-many LGBT teens experience that leads them to depression, drug-abuse, and eventually suicide.  Here's the real deal:  this message is being sent by people who call themselves Christians.  In their own minds, and in their own warped visions of religion, they are "doing God's will".  The wake-up call is that God Doesn't Hate!  I say this a lot, and I say it for good reason:  1 John 4:8 could not be any clearer.  "God is love".

The core message in Dan's article is one that I've been saying all the while:  in order to change the culture of hatred and intolerance that plagues our society, the one that leads to the bullying and violence we're seeing towards our LGBT teens, the one that's leading to far, far-too-many LGBT teen suicides, we have to start with the adults.  Look, no one is born hating.  No one is born intolerant.  We're born to love.  Plain and simple.  We're taught hatred and intolerance.  Young people are taught that it's ok, and in some cases accepted and expected, for them to treat people who are different than themselves harshly.  With disdain.  With disgust.  With hatred.  With intolerance.  Especially if they're gay or lesbian...real or perceived.  And, they are being taught that from certain political "leaders", some religious "leaders", and from their own parents.  Meanwhile, in many of these ultra-conservative, "religious" homes resides an LGBT teen who are being destroyed from the inside out by the nastiness and disgust they hear coming from their parents' mouths.  The end result is usually bad news.  On the other side of the coin, in many of these ultra-conservative, "religious" homes, there are impressionable teens hearing mom and dad saying those very same words of disgust and intolerance, being taught to live "right", live up to the parents' expectations, and pass their hatred and intolerance on to any classmate he or she may have who is even perceived to be gay or lesbian.  The end result is equally bad news.

Here's the real deal:  it is time for people to start speaking up for love, to start speaking up against hate...in all forms.  It's the only way we're going to change our culture.  It's the only way we're going to start seeing the incidences of bullying, hatred, violence and intolerance towards LGBT teens or anybody perceived to be different.  And, it's the only way we're ever going to start seeing the number of teen suicides, LGBT and straight, begin to reduce.  Regardless of what Fred and his group of loonies say, God does not "hate fags".  In fact, God doesn't hate.  Remember that.  God is love.  And, love is all that matters!

Thanks, Adriana.  And, thanks, Dan!!

Playing Politics with Teens' Lives

An unidentified 15-year-old girl has succumbed to bullying in Livingston County, KY.  Her suicide brought the number of teens in Livingston County who have committed suicide to 3 in the past 5 months.  Meanwhile, Republican lawmakers recently struck down a bill that would've strengthened the anti-bullying laws there and could've saved her life.

Parents in Kentucky are picketing for zero-tolerance for bullying.  I applaud them.  I also think it's time to get very serious with our political machine and let them know that their politics are costing lives.  I can't put it any clearer than that.

Following the suicide of a 13-year-old due to bullying in October 2011, a 14-year-old girl testified before the House in an effort to get the bill passed that would provide greater protection for all students.  Sadly, however, Rep. Sam Waide (R) had this to say about why the bill was struck down:

House Republicans ...blocked passage of the law on grounds it would place "gay rights in our schools,"

I'm of reasonable intelligence, with better-than-average reading comprehension skills.  What they said was that it's more important to uphold their own anti-gay beliefs than it is to pass measures that will save lives!  HOW is that possible?  How is it that we're allowing our political "leaders" to place their beliefs over human lives?  And, this isn't exclusive to Kentucky.

• Stacey Campfield, Tennessee, is still trying to pass legislation in Tennessee essentially disregards the existence of LGBT teens.  Worse, he wants to pass legislation that will sanction the bullying of LGBT teens.
• There's legislation in place right now, awaiting passage, in several other states that will also sanction the bullying of LGBT teens.  To clarify, the language of these bills basically says that it's ok to bully an LGBT teen as long as it's done for "religious, political, or philosophical reasons."
• And, we can never forget the disaster of Anoka-Hennepin.  The culture of hatred and intolerance towards the LGBT community there created by Michele Bachmann and her religious, ultra-conservative followers created what amounted to an outbreak of LGBT teen suicide in her district.

These are just a few of the extreme cases that we know about.  Whereas these three instances are bad enough, (and, make no mistake:  they are atrocious!), you can rest assured that there are more around the country.

Recently, one member of the facebook blog page voiced his concern that I was "bashing" the Republican Party on the page in the blog posts.  I'm all about equality for all members of our society.  One party tends to be for equality for all people; one party tends to want certain groups of people to, well, disappear.  Do your own math.  It really isn't that hard to figure out.  That's not bashing; that's just reality.  And, trying to spin it any other way is as reckless and dangerous as their actions.  Period.

When protecting one's political and/or religious beliefs become more important than protecting the lives of the people they were elected (read: hired) to protect, especially when said people are teens, it's time for them to find new occupations.  Clearly, they don't understand their job description of public servant.

Meanwhile we, the concerned and compassionate citizens, can afford to wait no longer.  Far, far too many lives are being lost, friends and families being destroyed, to continue to sit back and let this continue.  It doesn't matter if "they" agree or disagree with one's sexual orientation.  When "they" are willing to pass legislation that is proven will cause great harm to or, in this case, block legislation that will protect all of their citizens rather than just the ones "they" approve of, it's time for "them" to go.  It's that simple.  A life is a life, gay or straight.  They don't get to play God and choose who gets to live and who doesn't.  And, while on that subject, the argument of "it's against God's will..."?  Yeah, save that.  In that same Bible that "they" use to bash people, it also says that only God can judge.  If a person's sexual orientation is truly against God's will, let them and God deal with it on Judgement Day.

Rest In Peace, Lennon Baldwin, 15: Suicide from Bullying (Updated)

Wednesday was a bad day.  In addition to the 12-year-old in West Virginia who ended his life due to bullying, Lennon Baldwin, 15, of New Jersey ended his young life as well.  Police in Morristown are investigating the suicide for the possibility of bullying.

By all accounts, Lennon was a very well-liked, happy young man with an infectious smile.  I've witnessed, as well, that he was a very gifted, blooming artist.  A friend of Lennon's posted this video as a tribute to his fallen friend.  A rising star now dimmed by suicide.

Unlike some other jurisdictions, the authorities in Morristown are on record as saying they are doing a "full investigation" into the suicide.  At this point, it is unclear whether bullying was the cause or not.

Teen suicide, whatever the reason, regardless of their sexual orientation, is an issue that absolutely has to be addressed with the same urgency as a recently reported "epidemic" of teen smoking.  If not moreso.  After all, we can get teens to stop smoking.  No one has figured out how to stop anyone from being dead.  Once the suicide attempt is successful, that's it.  A young life is senselessly and needlessly snuffed out.  Dreams are extinguished.  Families and friends are left with hearts ripped as they try to make sense of it all.

What is the solution?  I wish I could answer that.  Right now, no one can.  However, there are things we can do to put a serious dent in what's going on.

For starters, we can work as one in convincing the people who lead that teen suicide is a very serious issue in our culture, not only in our country but worldwide.  It is a plague that deserves the full-attention of every politician, every religious leader, every school administrator across the board. 

The scourge of bullying, which is at the root of far too many teen suicides needs to be met head-on and dealt with.  In some ways, that's easier said than done.  Why?  Because on one level, it's very easy for us all, including myself, to call for the heads of those who bully another human being to the point where they feel the only way to make it stop is to end their own life.  And, indeed, I do feel that those who continually and willfully bully a person should be held accountable if that person commits suicide because of their actions.  It's no different than the bully holding a gun to that same person's head and pulling the trigger.  They are just as dead either way.  The difference is, in this case, the one who pulled the trigger is obviously charged with murder.  So, why should bullying someone to the point where he or she feels the only way out is commit suicide be any different.  Why?  Because it's more complex than that.  See, on another level is the reality that we, as humans, are not born to hate.  We are not born intolerant.  The exact opposite it true.  That means that they are taught these emotions and behaviors.  And, unfortunately in this case, a young person's brain is a sponge.  They learn well.  So, to get at the root of bullying, it is imperative to start with the adults.  If Johnny constantly hears his dad, his religious leader, or political leaders constantly express their disdain, their intolerance and hatred of certain groups of people, whether it's different races or people of a different sexual orientation, he's learning from them that it's ok to treat these people like they don't belong.  It's ok to call them the most degrading names.  It's ok to bring physical harm to them.  No!!  It's NOT ok!!!  And, everyone, from the adults to the young ones, needs to understand that.  Every single life is precious.

Another big contributor to teen suicides is mental health issues.  Leading the way in this area is depression.  Knowing the symptoms of depression is a crucial first-step.  Knowing how to deal with teen depression can be life-saving. 

We can only hope for a speedy solution, one that will lead to a reduction and eventual end to the bullying/teen suicide epidemic.

Unfortunately, all of our efforts will be too late for the family and friends of Lennon Baldwin.  All we can do for them now is wrap our arms around them and support them as they struggle mightily to make sense of this.  We can go to the facebook page set up in Lennon's honor and leave our condolences.  And, we can pray that he now finds the peace he was denied while he was here with us.


IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BEING BULLIED, SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY!!  DON'T STOP SEEKING HELP UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN AND TAKE ACTION.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE SUICIDAL, PLEASE SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY!!  THERE ARE MANY, MANY RESOURCES AROUND FOR YOU.  

Suicide Support 

STOP Teenage Suicide  

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  

UPDATE:

I erroneously stated earlier in this that Lennon was an artist "as seen in this video". The artist in the video is his friend, Andrew, who drew the picture of Lennon as a tribute.  Sorry for the confusion. 

Dalton Lee Walker, 12, Bullying Victim

On the day the movie "Bully" is released for the public to view comes the sad news out of Princeton, West Virginia of 12-year-old Dalton Lee Walker.  Dalton ended his life Wednesday, March 28th, because of being bullied.

Dalton's mother says that she had met with school officials on several occasions to discuss the problem of bullying as it pertained to her son.  According to his half-sister, Dalton had been teased regularly at school, and it just became too much for him to handle.

The issue of bullying has caught national, and even international, attention.  That's a good thing.  However, the problem isn't going away.  It's not as if I'm foolish enough to think that it will disappear overnight.  Of course it won't.  At the same time, I still don't see where it's being taken seriously enough by the people who can really make a difference for it to truly start making a difference.

In a day and age where children have instant access to the world 24/7, via Internet, bullying has become a 'round-the-clock phenomena.  Potentially, at least.  And, here's the most important part of that:  these young people are NOT just witnessing bullying on a personal level, from their attackers.  They're also seeing it from adults.  That's devastating on two levels:

• the kids who bully see the politicians, religious leaders, and other heralded adults doing it, and doing it in a public forum.  It's like handing a 16-year-old his Driver's License.  He's now allowed to drive; they are, by virtue of what they are witnessing on a daily basis, allowed to bully.
• when at-risk youngsters see these public figures essentially sanctioning bullying through their own actions, it sends them the message that no one is going to give a rat's ass about them being bullied.  Jacob Rogers voiced such concerns before ending his life in December.

What's going to make a difference, what's really going to save these incredibly young people from ending their lives, before their lives even truly had a chance to begin, is a change in the mindset of the adults.  That's nothing new.  It's been said here before.  It's been said in other places, as well.  The change is going to have to start with the adults.  Parents need to stay plugged in to what's going on with their children; school administrators need to step up their effort a few levels to prevent it, which will entail taking every case seriously; and, our nation's "leaders" need to either change their rhetoric as to not send the message that it's okay to hate and be intolerant, or they need to be removed from their positions.

Hatred, meanness, intolerance:  these are not things we're born with.  Our innate emotion is love...and, acceptance.  Beyond that, those who hate, those who are intolerant, are taught those emotions, either directly or indirectly.  And, most of the time, the "teacher" is an adult.

Dalton's bullies were not adults:  they were his peers.  Kids at Princeton Middle School who thought is was okay to tease and bully Dalton until he couldn't take it anymore.

I will note here that there was no reason given for Dalton's bullying; therefore, we cannot speculate.  It doesn't matter what he was bullied for.  What matters it that he was bullied, and now he's gone.   May you now find peace, Dalton.  And, to the family and friends of Dalton, we send our heartfelt condolences and love.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BEING BULLIED, SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY!!  DON'T STOP SEEKING HELP UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN AND TAKE ACTION.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE SUICIDAL, PLEASE SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY!!  THERE ARE MANY, MANY RESOURCES AROUND FOR YOU.  

Suicide Support 

STOP Teenage Suicide  

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

A Culture of Hate

It's been said many times that this "war" that's going on for equality, to end hate and intolerance, is nothing new.  We know from history that this is true.  History has provided us with instance after bloody instance of how hate permeates our culture.

As a reminder of some of the examples of extreme hatred and intolerance in recent history, it wasn't really that long ago that a man named Hitler set out to exterminate anybody who wasn't like himself.  It wasn't that long ago when blacks had to ride on the back of the bus, were lynched just for being black, or couldn't even vote.  I remember those days, actually.

I remember, as a very young boy, maybe 6, living in a small, backwards Virginia city called Portsmouth.  This was back in the early 60s, so racism was rampant there.  I was riding my bike farther away from home than I was allowed to, but I was a 6 year old boy.  Since when do THEY listen!?  As I went to ride across an intersection, this royal blue '64 Ford Galaxie with a white top attempted to make a left turn.  We both screeched to a halt in the middle of the intersection.  The driver was a middle-aged white man with dark sunglasses.  We sat there in the middle of the intersection for what seemed like an hour, to a 6 year old boy, just staring at each other.  I was staring because I was 6 and didn't know any better.  In addition, he was staring at me, so I figured it was what I was supposed to do in return.  However, thank God I was born with good intuition because, even at that early age, my young gut told me that this guy was dangerous.  Eventually, he peeled off past me and on down the street and I continued on along my way.  I saw him hang a hard right at the next intersection, and my gut told me that was not a good thing.  Sure enough, as I neared the approaching corner, which had a gas station on it, there was that very same 64 royal blue Ford Galaxie 500 with the white top.  My heart raced.  Thank God for my young intuition!  As I approached the car for a second time, the man with the menacing stare from moments ago lept from his car and lunged towards my 6 year old back with what had to be a 12" dagger.  Already sensing that he was going to try and harm me, I was able to speed past him just ahead of the blade meant to tear into my back.  This man was willing to kill a 6 year old boy for no other reason than the fact that he was black!

Of course, there's a much longer list of instances of pure hatred and narrow-minded, fear-induced intolerance.

Today, we're in the midst of yet another struggle of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, love vs. hate.  The LGBT community's battle for equality and acceptance is, for sure, today's Civil Rights Movement.  And, just as the case with that small 6 year old black kid in southern, racist Portsmouth, VA, there are people one "the other side" of the battle who have so much hatred and intolerance in them, they would use extreme measures rather than see us achieve simple equality.  One only has to look at the level of violence against members of the LGBT community to get a sobering snapshot of just how intense this battle truly is.  Watching from the sidelines are tomorrow's LGBT community:  the LGBT teens.  Watching with the hope that we'll win this war so that they will be able to simply live their lives happily, safely, and with the one they fall in love with.  We can't let them down.

A regular reader contact me recently.  Inspired by the recent blog post about Daniel Zamudio, and himself a writer, he sent me a poem that needs to be shared.  It fits seamlessly with the emotion of the day and with the theme of this post:

If history had gone another way

Non-whites would be second class citizens

If history went another way

Jews would  still be in death camps

If history went another way

Gays would have been shot on sight

If history went another way

Hate and fear would control the hearts of leaders

So tell me now!

Tell me if you condone of such hate

Tell me now!

If you wish this upon others

Tell me now!

So I can sleep at last

Or lie in my bed  waiting for the nightmare of hate to become reality once more

TELL ME NOW!

If you so wish to kill or harm such a person 

For little more for their religion

Their race

Their love

TELL ME NOW!

So that I can have a clear path ahead of me

Tell me now

So that when the time comes

I know where to stand

Tell me now.

Because as I witness hate I shall not stand idle no more.                           Written by Devin Callan

We cannot afford to stand idle.  Not now.  No more.  Each voice needs to be heard.  Our message needs to be clear.  Hitler was defeated.  The Civil Rights Movement of the 50s and 60s was won by the black community.  Today's Civil Rights Movement focuses on the LGBT community.  It's a battle that can, and must, be won.

Daniel Zamudio, 24, Beaten to Death Because of Sexuality

I was just asked, on my facebook blog page "why all the gay posts?"  The fact of the matter is that there can't be enough good news, "normalized" posts and stories about the LGBT community.  Not at this point in time.  There are far too many people, in this country and around the world, who would like nothing better than to see us disappear.  Some of them would even resort to violence to achieve their goal.  Such was the case with 24-year-old Daniel Zamudio of Chile.

In the early morning hours of Saturday, March 3rd, Daniel was brutally attacked by a group of neo-Nazis, ranging in age from 18-25, simply because of his sexual orientation.  He sustained serious and irreversible brain damage during the attack and lied in a drug-induced coma for 3 weeks.  Tuesday night, Daniel Zamudio, succumbed to his injuries.

Chilean police have the 4 men who are allegedly responsible for this heinous crime in custody.  The level of hatred directed at Daniel was astonishing.  Amongst other things, they carved swastikas into his flesh.  Just because he was gay!!

"Why all the gay posts?"  Because, madness like this must end!  Because, hating someone on such a deep level, simply because of their sexuality!, that you're willing to mutilate them is a symptom of a contagion that's affecting the entire globe.  Because, people who are LGBT deserve to live a rich, full, and happy life just as much as their non-LGBT counterparts.  With so many people standing at the ready to humiliate and shame them, to discriminate against and minimize their worth as a human being, to inflict emotional and/or physical harm on them, sometimes to the point where it costs them their lives, I'm going to be on the front line every single day letting them - US!!! - know that we are second-class citizens to no one!

Daniel Zamudio's life should not have ended the way it did.  NO human being should ever have to endure that level of hatred and intolerance.  Ever.  Gay, straight, black, Jewish, or whatever.  It is not okay with me to know that we live in a world where what I do in the privacy of my own home, with someone I love, can get me killed!  It shouldn't be okay with anyone.  Yet, it happens.  Worse, I live in a country where we have politicians working to pass laws that condones and encourages this level of brutality against the LGBT community.  And, it will continue to happen as long as people sit on the sidelines, shake their heads, and say their dutiful "that's terrible" or "this has to stop" rather than get involved, at some level!, in bringing about a difference.

Daniel, the world mourns you.  May you rest in peace.

Who IS NOM!!??

It's no coincidence that the nasty rhetoric and tactics are heating up as we get closer to Election Day in this country.  It's by design.  "Divide and conquer" is a strategy that works.  It's almost as effective as "Unite and Win".  After all, it is proven time and again that the "Power in Numbers" theory is very powerful, indeed.

Back to this "Values Bus Tour".  It's very much worth noting that one of the driving forces behind this enlightening tour is NOM, National Organization for Marriage.  Weren't they the driving force behind the attack on Ellen DeGeneres a little while back?  As with all of these far-right-wing extremist groups, they are very narrow-minded, un-Godly-like mean-spirited, and bulldog-stubborn in their determination to bully the rest of the country and, to be sure, world into adhering to their beliefs.  Or else!

To wit, this was brought to my attention today and, trust me on this, it's a must-read for every single reader of this blog post.  These diabolical "Christians" have a road map already laid out as to how to achieve their goal of, basically, sweeping every LGBT person deep into the closet.  And, then, locking that closet door so that we never escape again.  It's THAT serious. 

Here's one excerpt from their confidential manifesto:

“The strategic goal of this project is to drive a wedge between gays and blacks—two key Democratic constituencies. Find, equip, energize and connect African American spokespeople for marriage, develop a media campaign around their objections to gay marriage as a civil right; provoke the gay marriage base into responding by denouncing these spokesmen and women as bigots…”

Well, that's happening now.  I've encountered, several times already, arguments from the Black community opposing my views that this is The New Civil Rights Movement, with them wanting to distance the black community from this fight.  However, as an older black man, myself, I assured them from my own personal experiences that this is, indeed, exactly the same battle that was fought back in the 60s and against the same establishment.  Their argument is moot.

Ever ask yourself why it's so important to them that same-sex marriage doesn't exist?  What exactly is the "sanctity of marriage"?  Is it the reality that heterosexual marriages have a divorce rate of over 50%?  Is that sanctimonious?  Is it one of our Republican presidential candidates openly admitting that he believes in "open" marriages and expecting his bedridden wife to be accepting of him going elsewhere for sex while she's unable to provide it for him?  Is that sanctimonious?  Or, is it Kim Kardasian's farce of a 72-hour "marriage".  THAT'S sanctimonious, for sure!!  Why, exactly, is it so important for them that they're willing to sink hundreds of thousands of dollars into a movement to eradicate same-sex marriages? More importantly, how is it that our political leaders are involved with such a movement!?  Whatever happened to "...with liberty and justice for ALL"?  I think that the comment posted to the facebook blog page yesterday was so on-point, it bears printing here again:

...look at your country's history. "Enough of thinkin' everything that you've done is good", just saying (in Rufus Wainwright's words). Here in Germany, a politician who makes homophobic remarks would have to step down the next day. We have a gay Foreign Minister and Berlin has a gay mayor. In the US, homophobes can become governors and run for president.

To understand the true impact of this level of hatred and intolerance, one only has to realize that these teens who do the bullying, especially against their LGBT peers, real or perceived, are learning from adults like these that it's not only ok, it's expected.  Then, when you look at the level of LGBT teen suicides that are caused from the bullying, it should be easy to understand that we have a very real, deadly serious problem on our hands.  The way to address it, the way to win this hard-fought battle, is to continue to increase our numbers of people who are ready and willing to stand up, make their voices heard, and make sure these evil-minded people understand that their hatred and intolerance is not acceptable.  Period.