Brandon Elizares, 16, Bullied to Suicide

The numbers just keep adding on.  On June 2nd, we lost yet another LGBT teen to suicide.  And, once again, it was to escape the bullying he had been enduring.

According to 16-year-old Brandon Elizares' mother, he had been bullied for the past two years because he didn't want to be in the closet.  Wanting to be who he was, with no apologies, cost him his life.  In a television interview, Zachalyn Elizares said:

“He got bullied simply for being gay,” Elizares said. “He’s been threatened to be stabbed. He’s been threatened to be set on fire.”

Elizares said the El Paso Independent school district did everything it could to help solve the problem.

“They’ve reprimanded several kids and they did everything that they could,” Elizares said.

Elizares said that Brandon’s friends told her that there was an incident on Friday at school where someone insulted her son and planned to fight him the next week.

How many more of these young lives will have to be lost before people finally stand up and say, "Enough is enough!!??  Brandon should be preparing for his summer vacation...maybe even a summer job.  Or, perhaps planning to event the 5-day long El Paso Pride festivities.  Instead, his family had to plan his funeral.  I don't know about you, but my blood boils now when I read, and write, about another teen suicide.

In just the past two weeks alone, we've seen instance after instance where prominent public figures have made it crystal clear that they have no desire to live on the same planet with someone who's from the LGBT community.  Much more often than not, their bigotry is rooted in religion.  Does their reckless, bigoted vitriol have an effect on young minds?  Of course it does.  I have a friend whose 15-year-old son spews anti-gay rhetoric, in accordance to the Bible, at her regularly and mocks her for her efforts in the fight for equality and anti-bullying campaign.  His views are shaped by a father who is, himself, a deep-rooted Bible thumper.  The world was introduced to Caiden Cowger last week and his ridiculous video about the President turning young people gay.  Caiden is 14.  Hatred and intolerance is NOT something we're born with.  It's a taught and learned behavior.  The ones who bully kids they perceive to be LGBT, real or imagined, learned that level of intolerance from somebody else.  Typically, they learn it from adults, but not exclusively.

“My son had every right to live his live the way that he wanted to, without having to fear that people would call him names or threaten to beat him up,” - Zachalyn Enizares

It's sad that in the year 2012, we're still seeing the type of mind-numbing hatred, intolerance, and bigotry that I saw when I was a young boy.  That was during the height of the Civil Rights movement of the 60s.  It's sad that day after day after day, we're seeing these young people end their own lives because someone else decided that they weren't fit to exist.  To be sure, my aforementioned friend's son finds it humorous that LGBT teens are killing themselves.  How will a person justify that when their time comes to stand before God to be judged? It's sad that we, as a people, are not evolving.

Brandon Enizares should be preparing for his summer vacation.  He's not.  Two years of relentless bullying because of his sexuality was more than he could handle.  For all of our efforts to bring about changes in our culture, one that allows people to live happily just as they are, much more needs to be done.

It was reported that the school officials at Andres High School in El Paso, where Brandon was a student, took bullying very seriously and did everything they could to prevent it.  They are to be commended.  Still, more needs to be done.  More needs to be done in the homes.  More needs to be done in the religious sector.  More needs to be done in the political arena.  The time has come for dramatic changes in our collective consciousness.  We need more love and less hate.  We need more acceptance and less intolerance.  We need these changes firmly in place before we can start seeing the teen suicide rate begin to come down.  And, we need these changes to begin yesterday.

May you rest in peace, Brandon.

The Importance of Gay Role Models

For as long as I can remember, I've strongly held that the world would benefit greatly from every LGBT person coming out of the closet.  Such an action would serve two very positive purposes:  1.)  it would show the world, a world that tends to minimize those of us who are LGBT, that we are solid, contributing citizens of our society who needs, and deserves, to be recognized as such; and, 2.) it could potentially save young lives by providing some of the struggling, young LGBT youth positive, strong, and gay role models.

This week, former NFL player Wade Davis announced he is gay.  Granted, Davis never played a single down on an NFL field.  That was because of injuries, not due to lack of talent.  And, certainly not from a lack of effort.  He tells a story of what it was like to be gay, open only to himself, in an NFL locker room.  Imagine the impact that an openly gay athlete would have on a growing-but-struggling LGBT teen boy.  The message that boy would get would be "you're fine just the way you are, you can do whatever it is in life you want to do, and I'm proof that it truly will get better."  That's potentially life-saving.  How many of these young LGBT teens have given up hope and taken their lives because of a sense of hopelessness?  Their vision of the world is tainted by the extreme bullying they received constantly because of who they are.  They're told, in one form or another, that their life is a non-factor.  Or, as one recent anti-gay group put it on their website, "It Gets Worse"!  Even more troubling, they don't have many role models to look to and say, "that's what I want to do when I grow up."

Imagine how many young, LGBT girls Ellen DeGeneres has positively impacted.  

We're living in a very unique time right now.  The march towards equality for the LGBT community may be slow, sometimes seemingly snail-paced, but it's steady.  Why else do you think we're witnessing unprecedented lashing out from the other side?  To them, they're fighting for their moral (?) lives.  And, they fully understand that the fight is much harder than they ever imagined it would be.  For us, the members of the LGBT community and our supporters, we're also fighting for our lives.  We're fighting for the right to just exist happily without having to deal with "them" imposing their misguided and often ridiculous "morality" on us.  

We're also fighting for our youth.  With 9 out of 10 LGBT teen reporting having been bullied at school, 90%!!!, and with the suicide rate amongst LGBT teens skyrocketing, we're fighting fiercely to end that trend.  We end that trend by making them realize that they do have a place in this world.  We end it by letting them know, not by mere words but by example as well, that it really, truly will get better.  We end it by showing them role models of people who, like them, grew up gay, knew it early on in life, dealt with the ridiculously mindnumbing abuse that we sometimes must endure, yet made it through and are now living happy, productive, and promising lives.  

To get to that point, however, we need more and more people, like Wade Davis, to step forward and be that example.  I'm not naive.  I fully understand that, in some cases, coming out of the closet would amount to professional suicide.  Imagine, a LeBron James coming out!  Or, a Bill O'Reilly.  Or...pick a name.  You get my point.  However, it's that very culture, that unforgiving mindset that we're working tirelessly to interrupt and, eventually, change.  It's going to take a lot more work.  It's going to take more people, like Wade Davis, stepping up and coming out as who they really are.  In some cases, I understand that that's a hard thing to do.  I get it.  But, it's so incredibly important.  Our LGBT youth are counting on us, the LGBT adults, our friends and families, and our supporters.  In too many cases, lives are depending on it.

I can't think of any better reason than that.

Paul Hauan, 13, Death by Suicide

It's troublesome to me when I can look at a picture and instinctively know that "he's the one they're talking about."  On May 22nd, I was notified about the suicide of a 13-year-old in the Dayton, Ohio area.  Immediately, I started looking for information about the event.  Somewhere along the way, I saw this picture and everything stopped.  My heart sank.  My gut told me, without a doubt, that this was the young man I had heard about.  

Thirteen-year-old Paul Hauan ended his young life on May 21st.  Of course, the cry "he'd been bullied" immediately came into play.  However, as the investigation continues, there's no official words to corroborate those claims.  Then again, recent history tells us what to expect as the "official" word:  "Our investigation shows no evidence of bullying in this case."  However, Paul's mother's account indicates otherwise.  While returning home with his mother, Paul received a text message that left him despondent.  Despondent enough to end his life.  Moments later, he was gone.

According to the mother, there had also been previous incidences of bullying that went unchecked.  Paul complained that some of the kids he went to school with were mean.  In an effort to protect her son, Lisa Noland went to the school to request that he be transferred to another school.  Request denied.

Paul was a straight-A student and a seemingly very happy and caring young man.  He also suffered from a condition, Alopecia areata, that was causing him to lose his hair.  Exactly what was the catalyst for the bullying is yet to be determined.  There's no indication that he was an LGBT teen.  Whatever the reason, the result is still the same.

What I'm having a problem with is the apparent, obvious?, lack of action that the schools repeatedly and routinely take in these instances of bullying.  To be sure, it's gone on for as long as I can remember.  "Boys will be boys".  Regularly, I have people on the facebook blog page tell me of cases of bullying that, when reported to school officials, went unattended to.  We read about it constantly in most of these cases of teen suicides.  The question that begs to be asked is "how are they being allowed to continue to sweep bullying under the carpet?".  Why aren't there more, and more!, people voicing their concerns about this and demanding immediate and pertinent policy changes?  

The 2011-2012 school year is all but over.  That's good news insofar as teen suicides are concerned.  Historically, there has been a 3-month summer respite from teen suicides.  That gives us a 3-month window of opportunity to compel the school systems around the country to change their policies in dealing with bullying and bullies.  Zero tolerance means exactly that.  There are schools today with zero tolerance policies in place already, but they are hollow.  That has to change.  We have three months to push for that change.  September will be here before we know it.

You can leave your condolences for the family and friends of Paul Hauan on the facebook memorial page that's been set up.  Rest in peace, Paul Hauan.

"It Gets Worse" and "The Gay Agenda"

When one is backed into a corner, the natural animalistic tendency is to attack. In such cases, it's perceived as a life-or-death situation on one level or another. We're seeing that now. And, they are swinging with everything they have. Make no mistake: this battle for equality and what's right will get much more heated before we start seeing solid changes. They're making it woefully obvious that they're not going down without a fight. To wit, in addition to some of the headlines we've been seeing in the past week alone, these are some of the other tactics they've been using:

• Someone affiliated with the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle, perhaps good ol' Reverend himself, somehow had facebook take down the blog article I wrote earlier in the week about the 4-year-old boy singing the anti-gay song. Not only that, but people trying to share the link had been blocked from doing so. I find that odd considering the story was very well circulated by the time I posted my article. It has since been restored, but the point is still the same. 
• Jett and Jahn Media has produced this page, "It Gets Worse", in their attempt to derail Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" campaign and, of course, perpetuate their own fear-based propaganda aimed at LGBT teens. 
• But, my "favorite" of these three is a blog I read today about "The Gay Agenda" "infecting" the Rochester school system.

The first thought that crossed my mind when I read this, and the Jett and Jahn piece as well, was "these people are seriously disturbed". Then, I realized that "these people" are rallying their troops for what is promising to be one hell of a fight for equality on all levels. At the same time, I found it not only important but imperative for the LGBT community and its supporters as a united whole to work quickly and diligently to dispel all of this garbage they're spewing out as truths.

As for the Jett and Jahn piece, in their effort to brainwash young LGBT people, they offer up this counter to Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" campaign:

Scientific studies show:
They typically don’t have faithful, monogamous relationships
They are more likely to be abused by their partner
They have higher rates of STD’s (including HIV/AIDS)
They are physically unable to conceive children
If they do adopt, their child grows up without a mother or father

"They typically don't have faithful, monogamous relationships". Sigh. All I'll say to that is that the divorce rate amongst "traditional" marriages has hovered around 50% for as long as I can remember. That's fully half!! Half of all "traditional" marriages blow up!!  Every OTHER "traditional" marriage FAILS!!!  And, that doesn't even factor in how many "traditional" couple cheat on their spouses. Of course, they don't even want to open that pandora's box. And, according to one source I researched, the divorce rate amongst second marriages is over 70%!! That's not exactly a ringing endorsement for "the sanctity of marriage", is it?

"They are more likely to be abused by their partner". All I'll say to that is "O. J. Simpson".

Even more disturbing than Jett and Jahn's ridiculous diatribe is the blog "The Gay Agenda Infects Rochester Schools". If this person is presenting these amazingly falsified "facts" as truths, we have an enormous problem. It's precisely this kind of propaganda that fuels the bullying epidemic we're seeing in schools all across the country and around the world.

I'm not even going to spend valuable time attempting to repeat anything I read in this blog; however, I strongly suggest that every single person who reads THIS blog, Enough is Enough, click the link above and read THAT blog. If ever there was a "must-read", this is certainly it. You'll understand why once you've read it.

So, let's set the record straight right here and now:

1. I have yet to hear anyone, or hear of anyone!, go around telling people, young or not-so-young "how great..." being gay is. Have you? In fact, in listening to my favorite sports talk radio station last week, one of the hosts put it as well as it could be put. The topic was gays and being gay. He said, "if my son or daughter were to turn out to be gay, I'd still love them every bit as much as I always have.  However, I'd be very sad.  Not sad that I've got a gay son or daughter, mind you. Sad because I know the type of abuse and discrimination they'll face just because of who they are.  It's heartbreaking that that still goes on today...". "How great being homosexual is"? Really? We have to deal with people of this mentality every single day of our lives!! What's so great about that!?
2. If " Gay and torture-porn orgies are a daily staple for the developing eyes of many children in America today", that sounds to be more of a parenting issue than a "gay agenda" issue. There are parental controls that prevent that type of viewing for the "many children" who may be watching it. If the tools provided aren't being used, the only person to blame would be the parents of said "many children". Then again, we all know that this is more propaganda than a real issue. Scare tactics is one of "their" favorite weapons. 
3. I take special offense to their assertion that this anti-bullying campaign is part of some sort of ridiculous "gay agenda". I, for one, put a lot of effort into ending ALL bullying. It doesn't matter if they're gay, straight, or Venusian. No one, no one!, should have to live with the fear of being attacked because of who they are. It's that simple.

I could go on and on. There's so much in this blog that screams to be addressed, addressed now, and addressed loudly. If they're going to start pulling out lies and propaganda in their effort to win this battle, then it is incumbent upon us to stand up, speak up, and let the world know a.) that they spew lies, plain and simple; and, b.) just exactly who we really are and what we're really about. Because, you see, at the end of the day, the reality is we're no different than anybody else. The Gay Agenda? Yeah, The Gay Agenda as I know it is to

• Work without discrimination
• Love without repudiation
• Live without retaliation

History has taught us that the fight for equality can get ugly, even deadly, before we start seeing changes. Many, including Dr. Martin Luther King, lost their lives during the struggle. With rhetoric and unmitigated lies coming from the other side, you can bet that things are only beginning to heat up. In my opinion, the only way for them to win is for those of us who are fighting for equality, gay and straight alike, to remain silent!

Joel Morales, 12, Suicide Because of Bullying

It happened late Tuesday night in East Harlem, New York.  Twelve-year-old Joel Morales had told friends just hours earlier that he was "...sick of all this bullying".  Hours after making that declaration, he took matters into his own hands.  And, sadly, the bullying ended along with his young life.

Joel was reportedly a very intelligent boy, one of the things his tormentors "mercilessly" teased him about.  The bullying was so intense, says his mother, that she had to file a police report and get an order of protection taken out against his bullies.  She transferred him to another school to get him away from the boys who were taunting him.  That wasn't good enough since they lived in the same neighborhood.  She went to the New York Housing Authority in an effort to move her family to another housing project to get him away.  Her request was denied.  Joel's distraught mother tried everything a parent could try in order to protect her child.

Unbeknownst to Joel, his own father had committed suicide when Joel was 4-months-old.  It was the taunting about his dead father that proved to be the last straw.

According to reports, the young pack of bullies was consistently the same boys.  They bullied him because he was apparently small for his age.  They bullied him because he was smart.  They bullied him because his father was dead.  In the end, they bullied him to death.  They were relentless.

Angelica Babilonia, Joel's aunt, said that around December or January her nephew switched to PS 57 after four boys knocked on Joel’s door and threw sticks and a pipe at him when he opened it.  She added, "he said that a bunch of kids from his old school jumped him and chased him.  He would ignore them, but there were too many to fight back."

Joel's sister, Richeliss, and aunt Angelica

Once again, we're left to wonder when the matter of bullying is going to be taken for what it is.  How is it that when a mother takes all of the right actions to protect her bullied son, that child still continues to be tormented to the point of ending his life?  Here's a clear-cut case of known bullies, police-documented bullies, pushing a person, Joel Morales, so far that he felt his only way out was the permanent way out.  Because there was no way to stop the "boys being boys", the world will never know what contributions this "brainy" boy would've made.  Because of their actions, there's one more family who is devastated and will feel the effects of Tuesday night for the rest of their lives.  Because they were so relentless in their bullying, the young friends of Joel are left to try and make sense of why their friend is no longer with them.

Joel's best friend at a makeshift memorial

There is a solution for this.  It's incumbent upon us to find that solution.  This school year is almost over and, statistically, the summer months have proven to be incident-free, as it pertains to teen suicides.  That means we have a three-month window to find that solution and implement safeguards so that September 2012 will not be a repeat of September 2010.  Talking about it, raising awareness...that's all well and good.  Necessary, even.  However, what we need now is solid and effective action.  Anything short of that is merely an exercise in futility.  

Rest in peace, Joel Morales.  

4-Year-Old Sings "Ain't No Homos Gonna Make it to Heaven": Planting the Seeds of Intolerance

It's getting increasingly hard to keep religion out of my talk about the intolerance and hatred that leads to bullying.  I think today's latest episode takes the cake.

At the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle in Greensburg, Indiana, a congregation and its leader, watch and listen as a 4-year-old boy - A 4-YEAR-OLD BOY!!! - sings the words he's been taught:

Ain't no homo gonna make it to Heaven.

When you watch and listen to the video, it's actually hard to discern what this toddler, TODDLER, is saying.  He is, after all, 4-years-old!  However, when he reaches the climatic line of the song, his words ring crystal clear.  That's good coaching.

Outrage doesn't even begin to describe my emotion right now.  I'm sure that those one "the other side" of this great debate will argue that parents have the right to teach their young as they choose.  However, teaching intolerance at such a young age should be criminal on some level.  I'm entitled to my opinion.  Listen, Greensburg, Indiana is the city where Billy Lucas was bullied to his death for being perceived as being gay.

Did the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle rejoice in his death?  The kids who were responsible for bullying Billy until he couldn't take it anymore were groomed by people just like this!!!

A four-year-old has no idea what a "homo" is!  Nor should he.  So, why is he being taught to be intolerant towards them.  Can he even successfully recite his ABCs?  Can he successfully count to 100?  I don't know that answer.  I do know that he can stand in front of the "church" congregation and sing the words "ain't no homo gonna make it to Heaven".  And, that's beyond repulsive.

Shame on the Reverend Jeff Sangl for "preaching" hatred and intolerance in a place where the message is supposed to be one of love and acceptance.  Shame on a congregation that comes to their feet in a standing ovation as this toddler sung those words of intolerance.  In listening to the video, you can hear the good reverend saying "that's my boy!!!" as the toddler finished singing.

The world is watching as America finally begins to show its true colors.  "Christian nation"?  Hardly.  God is love.  That's written in that book they like to cherry-pick verses from and twist to fit their own bigotry.  Jesus Christ, according to their book, came to spread the good news of God's omnipresent love and acceptance.  How in the hell did it get twisted to the point where it's now a haven for bigotry, hatred, and intolerance!!??  Anyone who can answer than and figure out how to turn that misguided ship around will, no doubt, win a Nobel Peace Prize.  Meanwhile, the world truly is watching, while shaking their heads in disbelief, as the religious fanatics of this country continue to make a mockery of God and religion.  The unfortunate thing is the casualties of their war are young people.  Shame.

Boy, 10, Has Arm Broken by Bullies

The good news is not only is he alive, but he's in great spirit.   The bad news is we're seeing far too much of this today.  One would think that, during a time when just the mere word "bully" is a dinner table topic, we would be beginning to see a decline in the incidences of bullying.  Think again.  It seems as if some are even emboldened by the fact that they're actions are being talked about daily by millions.  That doesn't make the job any easier.

Ten-year-old Theo Reed was attacked by two same-aged boys as he watched a youth league baseball game at the neighborhood field.  According to Theo, they threw objects at him until, eventually, one boy held him down as the other one twisted his arm until it broke.

"I was laying down screaming, crying for help and nobody would come," 

Apparently, young Theo didn't know his attackers as his mother is pleading for someone to come forward with information about the two boys.

This raises the question of how is it that incidences of bullying are continuing to escalate at a time when bullying, itself, has national and worldwide attention?  Within the answer lies the problem:  We're seeing this issue continue, and even escalate, because it still isn't being taken seriously.  The "boys will be boys" mentality still breathes within our society.  Reports of bullying are still being swept under the carpet.  Worse, too many people are seemingly waiting for somebody else to step up and do something about it.  No one wants to get involved.  In some cases, school administrators at the teaching level are threatening with termination if they report bullying incidences.  Get the picture?  The problem is so pervasive, so entwined in who we are as a society, the people who can make a difference are steering clear of it.  Hence, the constant blank party-line response, especially in the cases of teen suicides, of "our investigation has shown that no bullying has occurred."

So, where do we go from here?  How do we rid ourselves, our society of the menacing "boys will be boys" mentality as it pertains to bullying?  When we see in the media where people who are held responsible for bullying, and bullying that have led to suicides!, criminally charged only to get their wrists slapped by the justice system, we see how this issue perpetuates.  The clear-cut message that sends is that bullying others is alright.  And, guess what?  The young people who do the bullying are definitely watching.  They are getting the message loud and clear.  And, the beat goes on.

Theo is mending well and will be just fine, no thanks to the boys who attacked him.  Our focus has to be on finding a way to prevent this from continuing to happen.  The next "Theo" may not be as lucky.