Paul Hauan, 13, Death by Suicide

It's troublesome to me when I can look at a picture and instinctively know that "he's the one they're talking about."  On May 22nd, I was notified about the suicide of a 13-year-old in the Dayton, Ohio area.  Immediately, I started looking for information about the event.  Somewhere along the way, I saw this picture and everything stopped.  My heart sank.  My gut told me, without a doubt, that this was the young man I had heard about.  

Thirteen-year-old Paul Hauan ended his young life on May 21st.  Of course, the cry "he'd been bullied" immediately came into play.  However, as the investigation continues, there's no official words to corroborate those claims.  Then again, recent history tells us what to expect as the "official" word:  "Our investigation shows no evidence of bullying in this case."  However, Paul's mother's account indicates otherwise.  While returning home with his mother, Paul received a text message that left him despondent.  Despondent enough to end his life.  Moments later, he was gone.

According to the mother, there had also been previous incidences of bullying that went unchecked.  Paul complained that some of the kids he went to school with were mean.  In an effort to protect her son, Lisa Noland went to the school to request that he be transferred to another school.  Request denied.

Paul was a straight-A student and a seemingly very happy and caring young man.  He also suffered from a condition, Alopecia areata, that was causing him to lose his hair.  Exactly what was the catalyst for the bullying is yet to be determined.  There's no indication that he was an LGBT teen.  Whatever the reason, the result is still the same.

What I'm having a problem with is the apparent, obvious?, lack of action that the schools repeatedly and routinely take in these instances of bullying.  To be sure, it's gone on for as long as I can remember.  "Boys will be boys".  Regularly, I have people on the facebook blog page tell me of cases of bullying that, when reported to school officials, went unattended to.  We read about it constantly in most of these cases of teen suicides.  The question that begs to be asked is "how are they being allowed to continue to sweep bullying under the carpet?".  Why aren't there more, and more!, people voicing their concerns about this and demanding immediate and pertinent policy changes?  

The 2011-2012 school year is all but over.  That's good news insofar as teen suicides are concerned.  Historically, there has been a 3-month summer respite from teen suicides.  That gives us a 3-month window of opportunity to compel the school systems around the country to change their policies in dealing with bullying and bullies.  Zero tolerance means exactly that.  There are schools today with zero tolerance policies in place already, but they are hollow.  That has to change.  We have three months to push for that change.  September will be here before we know it.

You can leave your condolences for the family and friends of Paul Hauan on the facebook memorial page that's been set up.  Rest in peace, Paul Hauan.

"It Gets Worse" and "The Gay Agenda"

When one is backed into a corner, the natural animalistic tendency is to attack. In such cases, it's perceived as a life-or-death situation on one level or another. We're seeing that now. And, they are swinging with everything they have. Make no mistake: this battle for equality and what's right will get much more heated before we start seeing solid changes. They're making it woefully obvious that they're not going down without a fight. To wit, in addition to some of the headlines we've been seeing in the past week alone, these are some of the other tactics they've been using:

• Someone affiliated with the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle, perhaps good ol' Reverend himself, somehow had facebook take down the blog article I wrote earlier in the week about the 4-year-old boy singing the anti-gay song. Not only that, but people trying to share the link had been blocked from doing so. I find that odd considering the story was very well circulated by the time I posted my article. It has since been restored, but the point is still the same. 
• Jett and Jahn Media has produced this page, "It Gets Worse", in their attempt to derail Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" campaign and, of course, perpetuate their own fear-based propaganda aimed at LGBT teens. 
• But, my "favorite" of these three is a blog I read today about "The Gay Agenda" "infecting" the Rochester school system.

The first thought that crossed my mind when I read this, and the Jett and Jahn piece as well, was "these people are seriously disturbed". Then, I realized that "these people" are rallying their troops for what is promising to be one hell of a fight for equality on all levels. At the same time, I found it not only important but imperative for the LGBT community and its supporters as a united whole to work quickly and diligently to dispel all of this garbage they're spewing out as truths.

As for the Jett and Jahn piece, in their effort to brainwash young LGBT people, they offer up this counter to Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" campaign:

Scientific studies show:
They typically don’t have faithful, monogamous relationships
They are more likely to be abused by their partner
They have higher rates of STD’s (including HIV/AIDS)
They are physically unable to conceive children
If they do adopt, their child grows up without a mother or father

"They typically don't have faithful, monogamous relationships". Sigh. All I'll say to that is that the divorce rate amongst "traditional" marriages has hovered around 50% for as long as I can remember. That's fully half!! Half of all "traditional" marriages blow up!!  Every OTHER "traditional" marriage FAILS!!!  And, that doesn't even factor in how many "traditional" couple cheat on their spouses. Of course, they don't even want to open that pandora's box. And, according to one source I researched, the divorce rate amongst second marriages is over 70%!! That's not exactly a ringing endorsement for "the sanctity of marriage", is it?

"They are more likely to be abused by their partner". All I'll say to that is "O. J. Simpson".

Even more disturbing than Jett and Jahn's ridiculous diatribe is the blog "The Gay Agenda Infects Rochester Schools". If this person is presenting these amazingly falsified "facts" as truths, we have an enormous problem. It's precisely this kind of propaganda that fuels the bullying epidemic we're seeing in schools all across the country and around the world.

I'm not even going to spend valuable time attempting to repeat anything I read in this blog; however, I strongly suggest that every single person who reads THIS blog, Enough is Enough, click the link above and read THAT blog. If ever there was a "must-read", this is certainly it. You'll understand why once you've read it.

So, let's set the record straight right here and now:

1. I have yet to hear anyone, or hear of anyone!, go around telling people, young or not-so-young "how great..." being gay is. Have you? In fact, in listening to my favorite sports talk radio station last week, one of the hosts put it as well as it could be put. The topic was gays and being gay. He said, "if my son or daughter were to turn out to be gay, I'd still love them every bit as much as I always have.  However, I'd be very sad.  Not sad that I've got a gay son or daughter, mind you. Sad because I know the type of abuse and discrimination they'll face just because of who they are.  It's heartbreaking that that still goes on today...". "How great being homosexual is"? Really? We have to deal with people of this mentality every single day of our lives!! What's so great about that!?
2. If " Gay and torture-porn orgies are a daily staple for the developing eyes of many children in America today", that sounds to be more of a parenting issue than a "gay agenda" issue. There are parental controls that prevent that type of viewing for the "many children" who may be watching it. If the tools provided aren't being used, the only person to blame would be the parents of said "many children". Then again, we all know that this is more propaganda than a real issue. Scare tactics is one of "their" favorite weapons. 
3. I take special offense to their assertion that this anti-bullying campaign is part of some sort of ridiculous "gay agenda". I, for one, put a lot of effort into ending ALL bullying. It doesn't matter if they're gay, straight, or Venusian. No one, no one!, should have to live with the fear of being attacked because of who they are. It's that simple.

I could go on and on. There's so much in this blog that screams to be addressed, addressed now, and addressed loudly. If they're going to start pulling out lies and propaganda in their effort to win this battle, then it is incumbent upon us to stand up, speak up, and let the world know a.) that they spew lies, plain and simple; and, b.) just exactly who we really are and what we're really about. Because, you see, at the end of the day, the reality is we're no different than anybody else. The Gay Agenda? Yeah, The Gay Agenda as I know it is to

• Work without discrimination
• Love without repudiation
• Live without retaliation

History has taught us that the fight for equality can get ugly, even deadly, before we start seeing changes. Many, including Dr. Martin Luther King, lost their lives during the struggle. With rhetoric and unmitigated lies coming from the other side, you can bet that things are only beginning to heat up. In my opinion, the only way for them to win is for those of us who are fighting for equality, gay and straight alike, to remain silent!

Joel Morales, 12, Suicide Because of Bullying

It happened late Tuesday night in East Harlem, New York.  Twelve-year-old Joel Morales had told friends just hours earlier that he was "...sick of all this bullying".  Hours after making that declaration, he took matters into his own hands.  And, sadly, the bullying ended along with his young life.

Joel was reportedly a very intelligent boy, one of the things his tormentors "mercilessly" teased him about.  The bullying was so intense, says his mother, that she had to file a police report and get an order of protection taken out against his bullies.  She transferred him to another school to get him away from the boys who were taunting him.  That wasn't good enough since they lived in the same neighborhood.  She went to the New York Housing Authority in an effort to move her family to another housing project to get him away.  Her request was denied.  Joel's distraught mother tried everything a parent could try in order to protect her child.

Unbeknownst to Joel, his own father had committed suicide when Joel was 4-months-old.  It was the taunting about his dead father that proved to be the last straw.

According to reports, the young pack of bullies was consistently the same boys.  They bullied him because he was apparently small for his age.  They bullied him because he was smart.  They bullied him because his father was dead.  In the end, they bullied him to death.  They were relentless.

Angelica Babilonia, Joel's aunt, said that around December or January her nephew switched to PS 57 after four boys knocked on Joel’s door and threw sticks and a pipe at him when he opened it.  She added, "he said that a bunch of kids from his old school jumped him and chased him.  He would ignore them, but there were too many to fight back."

Joel's sister, Richeliss, and aunt Angelica

Once again, we're left to wonder when the matter of bullying is going to be taken for what it is.  How is it that when a mother takes all of the right actions to protect her bullied son, that child still continues to be tormented to the point of ending his life?  Here's a clear-cut case of known bullies, police-documented bullies, pushing a person, Joel Morales, so far that he felt his only way out was the permanent way out.  Because there was no way to stop the "boys being boys", the world will never know what contributions this "brainy" boy would've made.  Because of their actions, there's one more family who is devastated and will feel the effects of Tuesday night for the rest of their lives.  Because they were so relentless in their bullying, the young friends of Joel are left to try and make sense of why their friend is no longer with them.

Joel's best friend at a makeshift memorial

There is a solution for this.  It's incumbent upon us to find that solution.  This school year is almost over and, statistically, the summer months have proven to be incident-free, as it pertains to teen suicides.  That means we have a three-month window to find that solution and implement safeguards so that September 2012 will not be a repeat of September 2010.  Talking about it, raising awareness...that's all well and good.  Necessary, even.  However, what we need now is solid and effective action.  Anything short of that is merely an exercise in futility.  

Rest in peace, Joel Morales.  

4-Year-Old Sings "Ain't No Homos Gonna Make it to Heaven": Planting the Seeds of Intolerance

It's getting increasingly hard to keep religion out of my talk about the intolerance and hatred that leads to bullying.  I think today's latest episode takes the cake.

At the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle in Greensburg, Indiana, a congregation and its leader, watch and listen as a 4-year-old boy - A 4-YEAR-OLD BOY!!! - sings the words he's been taught:

Ain't no homo gonna make it to Heaven.

When you watch and listen to the video, it's actually hard to discern what this toddler, TODDLER, is saying.  He is, after all, 4-years-old!  However, when he reaches the climatic line of the song, his words ring crystal clear.  That's good coaching.

Outrage doesn't even begin to describe my emotion right now.  I'm sure that those one "the other side" of this great debate will argue that parents have the right to teach their young as they choose.  However, teaching intolerance at such a young age should be criminal on some level.  I'm entitled to my opinion.  Listen, Greensburg, Indiana is the city where Billy Lucas was bullied to his death for being perceived as being gay.

Did the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle rejoice in his death?  The kids who were responsible for bullying Billy until he couldn't take it anymore were groomed by people just like this!!!

A four-year-old has no idea what a "homo" is!  Nor should he.  So, why is he being taught to be intolerant towards them.  Can he even successfully recite his ABCs?  Can he successfully count to 100?  I don't know that answer.  I do know that he can stand in front of the "church" congregation and sing the words "ain't no homo gonna make it to Heaven".  And, that's beyond repulsive.

Shame on the Reverend Jeff Sangl for "preaching" hatred and intolerance in a place where the message is supposed to be one of love and acceptance.  Shame on a congregation that comes to their feet in a standing ovation as this toddler sung those words of intolerance.  In listening to the video, you can hear the good reverend saying "that's my boy!!!" as the toddler finished singing.

The world is watching as America finally begins to show its true colors.  "Christian nation"?  Hardly.  God is love.  That's written in that book they like to cherry-pick verses from and twist to fit their own bigotry.  Jesus Christ, according to their book, came to spread the good news of God's omnipresent love and acceptance.  How in the hell did it get twisted to the point where it's now a haven for bigotry, hatred, and intolerance!!??  Anyone who can answer than and figure out how to turn that misguided ship around will, no doubt, win a Nobel Peace Prize.  Meanwhile, the world truly is watching, while shaking their heads in disbelief, as the religious fanatics of this country continue to make a mockery of God and religion.  The unfortunate thing is the casualties of their war are young people.  Shame.

Boy, 10, Has Arm Broken by Bullies

The good news is not only is he alive, but he's in great spirit.   The bad news is we're seeing far too much of this today.  One would think that, during a time when just the mere word "bully" is a dinner table topic, we would be beginning to see a decline in the incidences of bullying.  Think again.  It seems as if some are even emboldened by the fact that they're actions are being talked about daily by millions.  That doesn't make the job any easier.

Ten-year-old Theo Reed was attacked by two same-aged boys as he watched a youth league baseball game at the neighborhood field.  According to Theo, they threw objects at him until, eventually, one boy held him down as the other one twisted his arm until it broke.

"I was laying down screaming, crying for help and nobody would come," 

Apparently, young Theo didn't know his attackers as his mother is pleading for someone to come forward with information about the two boys.

This raises the question of how is it that incidences of bullying are continuing to escalate at a time when bullying, itself, has national and worldwide attention?  Within the answer lies the problem:  We're seeing this issue continue, and even escalate, because it still isn't being taken seriously.  The "boys will be boys" mentality still breathes within our society.  Reports of bullying are still being swept under the carpet.  Worse, too many people are seemingly waiting for somebody else to step up and do something about it.  No one wants to get involved.  In some cases, school administrators at the teaching level are threatening with termination if they report bullying incidences.  Get the picture?  The problem is so pervasive, so entwined in who we are as a society, the people who can make a difference are steering clear of it.  Hence, the constant blank party-line response, especially in the cases of teen suicides, of "our investigation has shown that no bullying has occurred."

So, where do we go from here?  How do we rid ourselves, our society of the menacing "boys will be boys" mentality as it pertains to bullying?  When we see in the media where people who are held responsible for bullying, and bullying that have led to suicides!, criminally charged only to get their wrists slapped by the justice system, we see how this issue perpetuates.  The clear-cut message that sends is that bullying others is alright.  And, guess what?  The young people who do the bullying are definitely watching.  They are getting the message loud and clear.  And, the beat goes on.

Theo is mending well and will be just fine, no thanks to the boys who attacked him.  Our focus has to be on finding a way to prevent this from continuing to happen.  The next "Theo" may not be as lucky.

Memorial Day and Remembering

The Memorial Day holiday is meant to reflect upon and honor those brave young men and women who have paid the ultimate price for our country.  That's not to be taken lightly.  Whereas we here in America still have fight amongst ourselves for freedoms that are supposedly guaranteed to us, if we didn't have these brave warriors fighting for us on the international stage, we wouldn't even have the freedoms that we do enjoy.

The Memorial Day holiday, for me at least, is also a time to reflect upon the far-too-many young lives we've lost in another war.  A war that's still raging.  The war against our teens, and especially our LGBT teens.  Whether it's because of suicide or from violence against them, whether they're straight or LGBT, or even perceived as LGBT, the loss of life of a young person to this war is a blackeye on the face of our society.

This is a senseless, and needless, war, to be sure.  It's a war that could end on a dime if the ones waging the war would simple learn acceptance rather than hatred and intolerance.  The losses continue at a staggering pace, and little more than lip service seems to be going on to prevent it from reoccurring.  That makes this a very deadly and dangerous war, indeed.

I remember as far back as my first year out of high school.  That was the very first time I encountered a teen suicide.  He was an underclassman, sophomore if my memory serves me right.  I didn't know him, personally.  However, a lot of my friends did.  I saw the devastating effect it had on them.  I went to the wake with them.  The devastation on his parents' faces is permanently etched into my mind.  That event changed me forever.  

I remember back to my own failed suicide attempt(s).  I remember waking up in ICU and looking at the board that displayed the names of the people in my particular ward.  There were two of us.  When I saw the second name, I had to do a double take.  I knew that name.  My mind raced, even through the grogginess of the anesthesia.  I glanced over to the person in the other bed, and sure enough, it was who I thought it was.  I'd known him when he was younger: 13-14.  He was my best friend's neighbor and friends with my best friend's younger brother.  And, he was very obviously gay.  It exuded from him, even as a young teen.  Now, he was 19.  I worked up the energy to ask him, with alarm, "what are you doing here!?"  His response gave me chills.  

"I'm here for the same reason you're here:  I tried to kill myself."  

Even as I lied in a hospital bed recovering from my own failed suicide attempt, I was heartbroken that this young man had found life as a young LGBT teen so unbearable that he thought suicide was the only way out.  I prodded for more of an explanation.  I revealed to him that I knew when he was 13 that he was gay.  He revealed that he realized it when he was even younger.  He obliged my prodding.

"My whole family disowned me when I finally came out of the closet.  My dad said he wished I was dead.  I just couldn't handle it anymore.  I'm only 19!!, and I have no family!"

I cried with him.  And, it was there that the seeds were sown for doing something to make a difference.  Nobody should have to go through what he was going through.  No young person should have to feel that death was better than dealing with the negativity that is cast upon being gay or lesbian.

I remember, even at an earlier age, having a friend who was slightly younger than myself.  He was very flamboyantly gay, which was a white elephant back in that day.  I remember a phone conversation where he revealed to me his inner feelings:

If I could take a 'straight pill' tomorrow, I would.  Being gay is just too hard.  I'm tired of being shit on everyday.  My dad acts like I don't even exist!

Sadly, neither of them are with us today.

Today, while we remember those brave young men and women who put on military uniforms and go to combat and paid the ultimate price for our nation's freedom, let's also remember the brave young men and women who put on their own "uniforms" and go to battle daily against a society that routinely engages them in a different kind of battle.  Different, but no less volatile.

Today, we remember the hoards of young people who have lost their lives simply because a society can't find it in their hearts to accept rather than hate.  Whether their demise came from their own hands, or at the hands of someone, the result is the same:  they are all casualties of a war that should not even be being fought.

To the young men and women who gave their lives protecting our country, thank you.  We honor you today and everyday.

To the young people who's lives were cut short because of a society that made your lives unbearable, thank you for touching our lives.  We love, honor, and miss you today and every single day.

 

Unimaginable: 7-Year-Old Commits Suicide

I am at an utter loss for words.  A year ago this time, no one could've ever convinced me that I would be writing about a 7-year-old boy who committed suicide.  Yet, that's the report coming from Detroit, MI.

I don't even know how to begin writing about a 7-year-old who's committed suicide.  I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of a 7-year-old committing suicide.  

According to early reports, the unnamed boy was distraught over the recent separation of his parents, with his father being gone from the home.  He was also reportedly being "continuously" bullied by students at school.  If my math is right, 7-years-old is second grade.  Second grade for me was Brighton Elementary, stickball in the field beside my aunt's house, riding my bicycle up and down Potomac Ave, and just enjoying being a young kid.  I cannot honest even remember knowing what the word suicide meant; therefore, I certainly wouldn't have understood how to successfully complete one.  We, as a society, are in a very bad place when 7-year-olds are even thinking about ending their lives.

Where do we begin?  This event screams for attention.  If the suicide of a 7-year-old, a 7-year-old whose mother has already stated that he had been "continuously bullied", doesn't make everyone, and I do mean everyone, sit up and take notice, then the problem is far more entrenched than any of us ever imagined.  Obviously, at age 7, we will not even begin to speculate over the "why" the bullying was occurring in the first place.  What matters is that it was occurring.  What matters is that, at age 7, he felt it was too much to handle.  That should be all we need to know.  

I've seen far too many cases where a victim of bullying has stated clearly that "nothing was done" when the incidents were reported.  I've heard parents state the same thing far too often.  On the facebook blog page, I hear from both victims and parents of victims who say the same thing.  Over and over.  I'm going to state something that should, by now, be painfully obvious:  we're allowing this to continue.

We're allowing this to continue because, although more and more people are getting involved and making sure their voices are being heard, we're not demanding immediate and definitive action.  We're allowing this to continue by allowing "them" to continue to sweep it all under the carpet and hope it goes away.  Meanwhile, kids are dying at their own hands.  

Let the suicide of this very young person be the wake-up call that's sorely needed.  If nothing changes, nothing changes.  That's not acceptable.  Let's send lots of love and support to the family of this 7-year-old yet-to-be-named child.  Imagine for a minute, if you can, the sheer agony they are going through right now.  

Valuable Resources to help end teen (and, pre-teen) suicide:

Befrienders

Suicide Support

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The Trevor Project