Jonathan William Clark, 15, Rest in Peace

I don't know any of the details.  I don't know if he had been bullied.  I don't know if he was an LGBT teen.  All I know, and all that really matters, is that Jon Clark ended his young life earlier this week, marking the third of five midweek teen suicides in this country alone.

With no details about Jon Clark, I'll simply say we're in a very sad place in our society when 5 people under the age of 16 end their lives all within a 48 hour period.  Some from bullying.  Some not.  Some of them perhaps LGBT.  Some, maybe not.  It's enough to make one wonder how did we get to this place in time.  And, how do we get out of it?

Young people, here and around the world, are screaming at the top of their lungs that there's a problem with our culture as it is today.  As the numbers continue to increase, one has to wonder if their voices are truly being heard.  I've said this time and time again, but it's worth saying a million more times until someone hears it:  if this were a virus, let's say a mutant strand of the flu, that was killing young people at this same, break-neck pace, every official in the country would be frenzied to find a quick and effective solution.  More to the point, everyday Joe would be barking down these officials' necks demanding something be done right now!  And, everyday Joe would be relentless in doing so.  That same intense level of concern and action needs to be taking place right now.  

I can't be the only person who finds 5 teen suicides in less that 48 hours absolutely not acceptable.  And, I'm sure I'm not.  I read the comments on the blog as well as on the facebook blog page.  Folks are heartbroken.  Folks are in an uproar!    However, these are words on pages.  And, whereas it's important to see such intense response to these posts about another young life lost, it's equally important, if not moreso!, for people to get involved in taking positive, constructive action.  

Anti-bullying groups in every single school?  Well, that's a start.  I actually think that's a very sound approach.  Yet, after posting a link on the facebook blog page for exactly that type of program, in an effort to jumpstart some grassroot action, the link has only been shared three time.  Walking the walk is a bit more challenging than talking the talk.

Providing resources for, or even just having access to several different resources available, for all young people, whether you THINK they're at risk or not, so that they can have somebody, somewhere, that they can talk to rather than resorting to the one thing that can't be undone?  That's a great idea!  One thing that's always been a reality in many suicide events is that families and friends are left to wonder how they missed the signs.  Sure, in the cases of bullying, it's easy to recognize a young person who's "at risk". However, what we've seen a lot of recently has been cases where "the obvious" wasn't in play.  There was no bullying.  They weren't an LGBT teen.  They had lots of friends and family and the support of people who loved them.  Yet, they're still gone.  Perhaps, just perhaps, having resources readily available for all teens, can make a difference.  One thing for sure: it couldn't hurt.

This is an extraordinarily complex phenomena we're witnessing, and there will be no quick fix.  I assure you of that.  It's going to take a concerted effort of a lot of people to make this epidemic go away.  It's going to take many more people getting involved in forcing officials, from school officials to political officials and everyone in between, to stop sweeping this under the rug, to stop applying bandages to the gaping holes that these young people are feeling in their lives, to stop turning a blind eye to incidents of bullying.  

SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES:

Befrienders

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Trevor's Place

Suicide Support

Like I said, I don't know any of the details about what caused Jon Clark to end his young life.  We may never know.  What is known, however, is that he's gone much, much too soon.  So, once again, we say goodbye to a young person who should still be alive and enjoying the time of their life.  To the family and friends of Jonathan William Clark, you have our deepest sympathy, love, and support.  

Tori Swoape, 15, Death After Being Bullied

I now have information about the second of the five teen suicides from from midweek.  Fifteen year old Tori Swoape ended her life Wednesday, May 8th in Bloomington, Indiana.  According to her mother, and friends, Tori had been bullied. 

Lana Swoape, Tori's mother, said:

"I never thought she could do this. I never thought she would," as tears dripped down her face.  There was name calling. There was rumors. A lot of what Tori went through was rumors.  She was new, and she got teased a lot because ... the girls were jealous because all the guys liked her and the girls didn't”

In what has become the normal response from "officials", Bloomington police Captain, Joe Qualters added:

“We still continue to investigate whether or not bullying may have been a factor in this case. However, we can find no direct relationship. It continues to be rumors circulating on social media sites,”

Bloomington North High School Principal, Jeffry Henderson chimed in:

"We can't find a single incident where she was treated in a disparaging way. There are rumors and innuendoes, but we can't find an eyewitness who can say she was mistreated. She never made a report. I'm certainly not saying it didn't happen, but what I am saying is we cannot find anyone who can substantiate it,” 

Yet, Tori, herself posted to her own facebook wall this message to her tormentors:

'IM NOT TALKING TO NO ONE. so go ahead and spread that RUMOR around! Keep my name out of your mouth. LEAVE MY BUSINESS TO ME!'

Why are the officials so reluctant to acknowledge that bullying is taking place, particularly when the bullying is leading to young lives being lost?  It is my opinion that these "officials" need to have their feet held to the fire.  They need to step up their own awareness, and they need to be reacting to every single instance of bullying that's going on.  Further, as has been suggested by one of the members of the facebook blog page, there should be an active anti-bullying club in every single school around the country.  It is up to us, the grieving families and friends as well as  the concerned citizens, to start holding these officials accountable.  To keep saying that "more needs to be done" is an empty statement if we don't have people willing to step up and start forcing the issue.

This has become a runaway train.  What I want to see in my lifetime is real action being taken to prevent these egregious events from continuing to happen.  There are people who are now saying that they're tired of reading about these teen suicides.  They're missing the point.  I don't love writing about another teen who took their life.  It's something that needs to be done.  It's something that needs to be done because every single person needs to be made aware that this is an enormous problem...in this country, and around the world.  Without awareness, even less would be getting done that it is today.  That's completely unacceptable.  

I wish I didn't have to write this article about you, Tori.  You should still be here, enjoying your youth.  Rest in peace.

Peter Blake McCullers, 15, Death by Suicide

I'd announced on the facebook blog page that there were currently 5 suicides that I knew of which had occurred in the past 48 hours.  Sadly, this was one of them.

Blake to his friends and family, Peter Blake McCullers ended his life early Wednesday morning.  He was a sophomore and cheerleader at J.P. Taravella High School in Coral Springs, FL.

The first posting I read about Blake's demise specified that he had been bullied for being a male cheerleader.  In today's news article, the Broward County sheriff's office stated that their investigation has turned up no evidence of bullying.  Then again, we've heard that before and in cases where bullying was very definitely the cause.  However, Blake's sister also said:

... that her brother was not bullied or gay, and that she hopes he won't be remembered as a victim.

By all accounts, Blake was a very happy, well-loved student, friend, and family member.  Something, however, had to drive him to the point of no return.  Family and friends will now be left to wonder what, possibly for the rest of their lives.

Shawn Cerra, the principle at Blake's high school, had this observation:

"None of us had any indication that he was going through anything or having a difficult time," Cerra said, describing McCullers as friendly, confident and an unlikely target for bullies.

"Friendly".  "Confident".  "An unlikely target for bullies".  Still, something pushed Blake over the edge.

Two issues come immediately to mind:

1. The immediate assumption that every teen who commits suicide is gay and/or bullied is a very pervasive problem.  I did a blog post a couple months ago about a suicide that never even happened, yet immediately Twitter was riddled with people sounding off about the bullying of another LGBT teen.  Bullying is a very serious issue, to be sure, and it's an issue that warrants a lot more attention than it's getting.  However, it's important to make sure that the cause was, in fact, bullying before we start sounding off.  I've been guilty of it, myself, so I understand fully the temptation to go there.  We just can't.
2. The fact that this vibrant, confident young man felt compelled to end his life, a life that according to all accounts from those close to him, and no one has any idea of why poses a whole different issue.  Getting young people to open up and talk, hopefully to their parents but, if not, a trusted adult (maybe an older sibling) is so vital.  Perhaps, life saving.

Befrienders

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Suicide Support

While I was playing music today, a large group of young high schoolers passed by, apparently coming from a field trip of some sort.  As they walked by, and as I looked at some of the faces, I got chills.  The reality hit me that "this is the age group I'm writing so often about".  It was a haunting reality, indeed.

Blake McCullers, I shouldn't be writing about you right now.  You should be enjoying the time of your life right now, cheering your school teams on, continuing your work towards a bright, productive life.  May you rest in peace.  To the family and friends of Blake, there are no words to express the depth of my sympathy.  May you, too, find, peace.

His Friends Called Him Corey: Jay'Corey Jones, 17, Death by Suicide

Sunday night, 17-year-old, Jay'Corey Jones, "Corey" to his friends, ended his life in Rochester, MN.  According to his father, he had been bullied for a very long time because of his sexual orientation.  That bullying lead to depression.  And, like many before him, that combination proved to be deadly.

According to the news report, in which Corey's father, JayBocka Strader was very candid and forthcoming about the life of his son, everything that could be done was being done.  His single-parent father was very supportive of his son.  Corey had friends who loved him.  He was even briefly involved with his school's Gay/Straight Alliance.  He was out and proud.  He wanted to make a stand for gay rights.  Unfortunately, that put him in the cross hairs for bullies.  And, once again, rather than seeing all of the positives going on in his life, the negative of being bullied proved too much for him to handle.

Still reeling from the report of a 16-year-old girl who ended her life just a few hours ago right here in Maryland (much too early for any details), I'm left to wonder "what are we not doing enough of!?"  We're very obviously missing a beat somewhere, somehow.  Yes, we know about the problem with bullying and how it needs to be dealt with on a much different level than it is today.  Yes, we have an idea of the mental health issues involved with many of the teen suicides.  Whether they're being properly addressed, however, is a question mark.

Somehow, these teens who give up on their young lives are seeing a world that's so dark, so bleak for them, they see no point in going on.  And, that's an issue that we, as adults, must find a way to figure out so that we can deal with it.

In a case of an LGBT teen, as Corey was, it's really not too hard to see where their vision of a too-bleak world comes from.  The bullying they endure from their peers at school and in cyberspace is only exacerbated by the bullying they see from adults in the news and on the Internet.  Bullying directed specifically at the LGBT community.  They're hearing the message from politicians and so-called religious leaders that their lives are invalid.  That their feelings are moot.  They're seeing and hearing, as hate-filled, intolerant politician after hate-filled, intolerant politician attempt to legislate their own bigotry, that the bullies they deal with in school are only a mirror-image of what they perceive as the real world.  As states like North Carolina legislates hate and discrimination, the message is driven home that they are second-class citizens, that their lives will always be inconsequential, that there are people in power who don't care a bit if they end their life.  They hear that.  They see that.  And, guess what?  So do the ones who do the bullying.  They feel vindicated in their actions because they, too, see and hear that same message.

Make no mistake:  no one should ever allow someone else define who they are.  It doesn't matter if "they" hate you.  That's their burden to carry.  What's important is loving yourself, first and foremost.  However, that is also a very difficult message to get across to an already fragile teen.  Jamie Hubley had an amazing, very loving and supportive family.  He had incredible friends who still adore him.  Yet, he couldn't see past the negatives of life long enough to wrap that warm blanket of support around himself.  Smart money says that that is the issue in many of these tragic events.  That was the issue with Corey Jones.

So, sadly, we say goodbye to yet another young person.  A young person who will never get to know just how good life could've been.  Corey, I wish things could've been different for you.  And, to his friends and family, I wish you love and support during this incredibly trying time.

Setting the Record Straight

After writing a blog post about one of the recent suicide victims, I received an email:

Why did you post a facebook page suggesting [the suicide victim] was gay?  Take is down...his parents don't need that sh*t.

Alarmed, I rushed to reread what I had written.  There was absolutely nothing in that article to suggest that he that he was gay, so I responded accordingly.

There is absolutely nothing in my article to suggest that he was gay. I made it a point to make sure that there was nothing that would even remotely suggest that he was. People make assumptions, and I can't control that. It's unfortunate, and I often warn against that. Yet, they continue to do it. I tried my very best to be as honest and objective is the article as I possibly could, hence the opening paragraph clearly setting aside the earlier rumor of there being bullying

It raises an important issue:  far too often, people see the words "teen" and "suicide", and there's an automatic rush-to-judgment that said teen was a.) gay, and b.) bullied.  Whereas that is an issue, and a very serious one at that, it's obviously not always the case.  Because of that rising issue, the issue of rushing to judgment, I even started that particular article off with the disclaimer that the person had not been bullied.  And, I took special care to make sure that nowhere in the article would I even allude to the notion that he was an LGBT teen.  Still, with all the precautions, some of the comments responded as if he were both LGBT and bullied.  He was a teenager who ended his life far, far too soon, and that's really all we need to know.  At least in this particular case.

I woke up this morning to an email response from the person who had initially emailed me about this.

I don't Facebook, my business is nobody else's business.  Your facebook page is misleading even if unintentional, just look at the comments.  I have a son, 15, just like [the suicide victim], a jock, in fact, playing [the suicide victim's] team tonite (probably will be cancelled).  This Facebook page is hurtful to his parents and should be taken down...you are far, far removed from this event.
I also believe all this glamorizing of the death...tributes, tee shirts, facebook pages, tweets ("look **** you're famous" said one girl) will encourage the next depressed kid to go out in a blaze of glory.

Now,  that's a horse of a different color.  Now, I'm under attack for the integrity of the work I'm attempting to do.  Look, I get the part about glamorization of teen suicides.  I, too, am concerned that perhaps the Internet is helping to propel the acceleration of these events.  And, make no mistake:  we are seeing an acceleration.  To wit, from perusing another facebook page honoring those young people who are gone too soon, I was able to see a disturbing reality:  for every suicide that I write about, there's at least one that I didn't know about.  That's not a brush fire.  That's a firestorm.  That said, and armed with that knowledge, I do my best to stay away from glamorizing a very solemn event.  What's needed is awareness.  And, more of it.  For far too long, these devastating events have gone unreported, and under-reported.  Because of that, this has been going on in relative silence.  And, because of that, no one except for the families and friends of the victims had knowledge of this problem.  This is a cancer to the body of our society.  Early detection saves lives.  Left undetected and untreated, it kills.

The facebook blog page was created in December to support the blog, itself.  In truth, I was having issues with facebook and the posting of the blog's link.  It has grown into a sizable, interactive community of awareness and support.  Its message is clear:  love and acceptance.  People there help one another, talk to each other, support those who need support.  Lives are being saved through the blog and the blog page:

I wanted to contact you to say, simply, thank you.

I was considering suicide tonight, but decided against it, and your blog Enough is Enough was a major reason why I didn't. I am a 19 year old closeted bisexual male. Thank you for everything you are doing for not only the LGBT community, but for humanity as a whole. Your blog brought me to tears.

Again, thank you. I owe you big time.

It's because of this email, and others like it, that I will continue pressing forward.  As for the recent emails complaining about what I do, I offer this:  a look at some of the comments will show you that some of his friends have read the article and left their heartfelt comments.  Follow their lead.

Ryan Nash, 15, Death by Suicide

Let's put this on the table first and foremost:  by all accounts, from people close to the family, Ryan was not bullied.  As has become the norm as soon as word hits the social media "grapevine" of yet another teen suicide, bullying is automatically assumed to be the culprit.  That is simply not always the case.  What matters most at the end of the day is that yet another youth has taken his or her life, that another family has been devastated, that friends who were close to the deceased are left to wonder "why?".

What IS known at this point is that yesterday, May 6th, 15-year-old Ryan Nash ended his young life.  What is known, also, is that he was a freshman baseball player at Carl Sandburg High School in Orland Park, Illinois.  And, sadly, what is known is that Ryan's family, friends, and, indeed, entire community are in a deep state of shock and mourning.  Everything else, at this point, is pure speculation.

What is important to realize, and reinforce, to all teens - whether you think they're struggling or not! - is that there are resources available for them at all times.  There are people for them to talk to.  Let's face it:  being a teenager is tough.  It was tough when I was a teen.  It's even moreso today with the prevalence of the social media medium in our culture.  Today, more than ever, having resourses readily available, and visible!!, for teens can be a difference of life and death.  Literally.

The deeper I delve into this whole issue of teen suicide, the more I learn.  Obviously.  And, one of the common threads has been the deadly silence.  That needs to be addressed.  We need to find a way to get the point across to all teens that if they're struggling with something - bullying, relationship issues, depression, whatever! - they need to talk to someone.  Find an adult to talk to.  If not their parents, maybe the parents of a close and trusted friend.  Maybe an aunt or uncle.  SOMEBODY!!  The biggest key is to let them know that they don't have to suffer in silence.  Silence is deadly.

In the case of Ryan Nash, by all accounts, he was a very popular young man, very well-liked, a baseball player.  His friends have been speaking up, via twitter, since Sunday's tragic event.  They speak of him with nothing but love, respect, and sadness.

Conor 

Still in pain and shock ill miss you friend #RN20 never forgotten we have this eagles!

Nick 

Knowing my best friend, he would be doing the same thing if anyone else were in this position #RN20 

His sister has even chimed in:

niki nash ‏

My brother can see how loved he was #RN20 thank you all so much for all of your support today

The bottom line is that, for all the effort that so many people are putting in, in an effort to stem the tide of teen suicides, we're obviously not doing enough.  That means that, collectively, we all have to work harder, and faster!!, to find a solution.  It can, and must, be done.  The world is losing far, far, far too many young people to suicide.

To the family and friends of Ryan Nash, I send my deepest sympathy and condolences.  Rest in peace, Ryan.

Ryan Alexander Cranford, 17, Morgantown, WVA

Ryan was 10 days away from graduating from Morgantown High School.  Just 10 more days.  According to one of his schoolmates, however, the bullying at that school, from teachers and students alike, is fierce.  And, even as the light at the end of the tunnel was clearly visible, Ryan couldn't see it.  He couldn't take one more day.  Monday, April 30th, he ended his life.

Just 10 more days.

I haven't been able to find any news stories or other verifying information.  The student classmate indicated that he was bullied but didn't give a reason for it.  Here's what she posted on her tumblr blog:

Today is a sad day for me. On this day, April 30, 2012, a sweet soul lost his life.

He was a senior at Morgantown High School. He had just 10 days of his high school career left, JUST 10 days.

I was not close to him or his friend, but I saw him from time to time walking down the hallways all alone. I never took the time to stop and say, “hey!”, or “how is your day?” to him. I would just go on with what I was doing like he wasn’t searching for someone to be kind or someone to just stop and tell him he looked nice today.

I should’ve taken the time to stop what I was doing for two minutes just to ask him how he was doing or if he was having a good day. If I would’ve done that, maybe he would still be here.

I just can’t believe how hard this hit me. WHen it comes to people my own age and it’s someone you saw every single day at school, it becomes really difficult to deal with.

You can’t help but blame yourself for it happening when you know you could’ve been there for him and been a friend to him.

I’ve been asking myself so many questions and wondering if I was ever mean to him or a bully like the others were.

Bullying is a very serious issue at MHS.

The staff and students ALL do it without realizing it. They just don’t have any respect for others or themselves anymore and it’s caused so much chaos. They all need to wake up and see that this is a serious matter and that it has caused a lot of hurt for people.

If this horrible thing does not wake them up and make them see how bad it is, then I don’t know what will.

Today was the first time I’ve seen a lot of our MHS students come together and support something so much.

I hate that it came to this for him. He had so much potential and so many talents that nobody will ever get to see.

We’re all going to miss you Ryan. We will never forget you. YOu will always be in our memory, minds, hearts and souls.

We love you.

I'm convinced that this issue is not being taken nearly as seriously as it warrants.  I'll explain why I'm convinced in the next blog post.  I will say, though, that tonight's experience convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that the concern level isn't anywhere near where it should be for this issue of bullying.  Therein lies the lion's share of the problem.

Ryan, and his family, should be planning for his graduation from high school and his 18th birthday, which is right around the corner.  These are supposed to be some of the happiest days of his and his family's life.  Ryan is supposed to be looking for that summer job in preparation for the excitement of his coming freshman year of college.  What his family wasn't supposed to be doing was burying their 17-year-old son less than 10 days from his high school graduation.

Look, I'm not naive.  I don't think for one second that this is going to go away overnight.  Would I love to see that happen?  Well, certainly.  Rather, it's going to take a continued persistent effort from many people before we'll truly see bullying, and teen suicide, become a thing of the past.  At the same time, every single time I see another teen end their life because of it, I realize that we've still got so, so far to go.  But, as David Long put it, everything starts with one.  Please don't miss out on your chance to make a difference.  There's someone, no matter where you are in the world, who's waiting to hear you tell them that things are going to get better, that they can make it thought the overwhelming turmoil they're facing right now...that there truly are people who care about them and their lives and would do anything in this world to keep them from committing suicide.

Sadly, all of our efforts will be too late for Ryan Cransford, and his family.  May your soul now find the peace it deserves.  Ryan Cranford: June 9, 1994 - April 30, 2012.