Ryan Alexander Cranford, 17, Morgantown, WVA

Ryan was 10 days away from graduating from Morgantown High School.  Just 10 more days.  According to one of his schoolmates, however, the bullying at that school, from teachers and students alike, is fierce.  And, even as the light at the end of the tunnel was clearly visible, Ryan couldn't see it.  He couldn't take one more day.  Monday, April 30th, he ended his life.

Just 10 more days.

I haven't been able to find any news stories or other verifying information.  The student classmate indicated that he was bullied but didn't give a reason for it.  Here's what she posted on her tumblr blog:

Today is a sad day for me. On this day, April 30, 2012, a sweet soul lost his life.

He was a senior at Morgantown High School. He had just 10 days of his high school career left, JUST 10 days.

I was not close to him or his friend, but I saw him from time to time walking down the hallways all alone. I never took the time to stop and say, “hey!”, or “how is your day?” to him. I would just go on with what I was doing like he wasn’t searching for someone to be kind or someone to just stop and tell him he looked nice today.

I should’ve taken the time to stop what I was doing for two minutes just to ask him how he was doing or if he was having a good day. If I would’ve done that, maybe he would still be here.

I just can’t believe how hard this hit me. WHen it comes to people my own age and it’s someone you saw every single day at school, it becomes really difficult to deal with.

You can’t help but blame yourself for it happening when you know you could’ve been there for him and been a friend to him.

I’ve been asking myself so many questions and wondering if I was ever mean to him or a bully like the others were.

Bullying is a very serious issue at MHS.

The staff and students ALL do it without realizing it. They just don’t have any respect for others or themselves anymore and it’s caused so much chaos. They all need to wake up and see that this is a serious matter and that it has caused a lot of hurt for people.

If this horrible thing does not wake them up and make them see how bad it is, then I don’t know what will.

Today was the first time I’ve seen a lot of our MHS students come together and support something so much.

I hate that it came to this for him. He had so much potential and so many talents that nobody will ever get to see.

We’re all going to miss you Ryan. We will never forget you. YOu will always be in our memory, minds, hearts and souls.

We love you.

I'm convinced that this issue is not being taken nearly as seriously as it warrants.  I'll explain why I'm convinced in the next blog post.  I will say, though, that tonight's experience convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that the concern level isn't anywhere near where it should be for this issue of bullying.  Therein lies the lion's share of the problem.

Ryan, and his family, should be planning for his graduation from high school and his 18th birthday, which is right around the corner.  These are supposed to be some of the happiest days of his and his family's life.  Ryan is supposed to be looking for that summer job in preparation for the excitement of his coming freshman year of college.  What his family wasn't supposed to be doing was burying their 17-year-old son less than 10 days from his high school graduation.

Look, I'm not naive.  I don't think for one second that this is going to go away overnight.  Would I love to see that happen?  Well, certainly.  Rather, it's going to take a continued persistent effort from many people before we'll truly see bullying, and teen suicide, become a thing of the past.  At the same time, every single time I see another teen end their life because of it, I realize that we've still got so, so far to go.  But, as David Long put it, everything starts with one.  Please don't miss out on your chance to make a difference.  There's someone, no matter where you are in the world, who's waiting to hear you tell them that things are going to get better, that they can make it thought the overwhelming turmoil they're facing right now...that there truly are people who care about them and their lives and would do anything in this world to keep them from committing suicide.

Sadly, all of our efforts will be too late for Ryan Cransford, and his family.  May your soul now find the peace it deserves.  Ryan Cranford: June 9, 1994 - April 30, 2012.

Together, WE Can Stop Massachusetts School From Torturing Students

Ok, so, on the facebook blog page, there are over 10,000 members.  And, it's growing daily.  There are almost 600 people subscribed to the blog, itself.  And, there are other outlets with scores of other people reading it.  We need every single one of the people reading this to a.) SIGN the petition; b.) SHARE this blog post.  You'll understand in a minute.

When I checked my inbox today, I had a notification from change.org about a Special Needs school in Massachusetts that basically electrocute its students.

In 2002, a special needs student named Andre McCollins was allegedly strapped down and electrocuted for hours, leaving him with permanent brain damage, all because he refused to take off his jacket. The people torturing Andre were officials at his school. You can watch what happened on video.

The video was shot at a Massachusetts school for special needs kids called the Judge Rotenberg Center (JRC). Gregory Miller used to be a teacher there, and he says electrocuting kids as punishment is extremely common -- even for minor offenses like raising your hand to go to the bathroom.

"A non-verbal, nearly blind girl with cerebral palsy was shocked for attempts to hold a staff member's hand -- her attempts to communicate and to be loved," Gregory says.

Gregory desperately wants to help the kids at the JRC --that's why he started a petition onChange.org demanding that the JRC stop using electroshock to punish kids. Click here to add your name.

Gregory says the JRC's founder created electroshock devices which are even stronger than police stun guns to punish students for bad behavior. An official at the United Nations said that using these devices on children is considered torture.

According to the Boston Globe, the JRC’s founder resigned after being charged with misleading a grand jury by destroying video footage of other students being shocked.

Gregory believes that if thousands of people sign his petition, his former bosses will capitulate in the intense pressure generated by a national spotlight.

Click here to sign Gregory's petition demanding that the JRC immediately cease its practice of punishing special needs kids with electroshock devices.

Thanks for being a change-maker,

I.  Was.  Livid.  Reading that was bad enough.  Watching this video, which school officials tried desperately to keep "sealed", revealed an unfathomable level of brutality.  Staff on student.  Bullying to the inth degree.  Andre McCollin restrained, faced down, and electroshocked 31 times during the course of the day.  This is a whole different level of bullying, actually.  It's called torture.  It's called criminal abuse.  And, every pair of eyes who reads this can play a part in bringing it to a screeching halt.  For the students, the special needs students!, being brutally abused by this staff, it can't end fast enough.  Imagine your son or daughter, your neighbor's kid, or even a total stranger!, being subjected to being restrained and being zapped by electroshock devices that are stronger than police stun guns...for hours!!  Is you blood boiling, yet?  Good.  Sign the petition.  Share this blog post.  Encourage OTHERS to share it.

This taking ending bullying to a whole different level.  We have the power, in numbers, to make this change.  I've already signed.  Your turn.

"How I Feel": 11-Year-Old Girl Talks about Being Bullied

A member of the facebook blog page sent me a message that she'd gotten through yet another friend.  I'm so glad she did.  The story I read was heart wrenching.  It was heart wrenching because, with this, one can see that it doesn't get any clearer that there's a major injustice being afforded young people all around this country, and around the world.

How I feel: I want to leave the underworld that I’m in. I get hurt, cussed at and flipped off every day. Where ever I go at (school name) I feel like I get killed and go to the underworld. Whenever I see and /or hear the place, I get afraid. I don’t want to lie, I don’t feel safe, and I don’t want to get hurt. All I need is an apology from the whole 5th grade classes. I need to feel safe. The teachers aren’t listening at all. I even get threatened at (school name). It’s named after a solder, but nobody is that in my class. I feel that I am better in jail than (school name). I don’t need education, I need safety. I don’t need to lie about the cussers, I tell the truth. I think their motto isn’t true. I think it’s a lie. I’m scared!!! I’m better in an underworld than in (school name). I just want to be on earth, not the “H word” (hell)”.

This girl is just 11-years-old.  At that tender age, she's already having to go through now only the bullying that we're seeing far too much of today, but yet again an administrative staff that does nothing to intervene or prevent it.  And, because of their lack of responsibility in this case, her musician, single-parent dad has to embark upon a crusade to draw attention to the situation.  It shouldn't have to be that way.  Luckily for her, she has a father who is committed to making sure his daughter's well-being is a priority in her school.

[I'm going to leave her anonymous for now.  Her father will make comments to the blog if and as he sees fit.]

As part of his mission, he had his daughter write, in her own words, exactly how being constantly bullied made her feel.  On the up side, hearing a first-hand, first-person recant of what it's like to have to endure constant bullying it extraordinarily powerful.  The down side, of course, is that she and her dad have to go to this length in the first place.

The part that really got under my skin, however, was the girl saying that her "...teachers aren't listening at all."  How can that be?  How can it be possible that, in today's world, with bullying and teen suicides being in headlines around the world and almost daily, the school administrators can even think of taking the easy way out and not pay attention to a student who's reaching out for help?  Worse, there are those who simply say they don't believe the bullying is taking place!  Once again, I have to say that there needs to be accountability.  What my hope is, of course, is that the father will provide the necessary information, i.e. school name, name of administrators, etc., so that a massive email and phone call campaign can descend upon that school.

Things are only going to continue to change as long as people like this courageous and devoted dad continue to stand up and speak out again the environment of hatred and intolerance that we're witnessing today.  Keeping bullying, and all of the tragic aftermath that comes with it, on the back burner and out of the headlines is a travesty.

Kudos to you, dad, for stepping up and forcing this issue to be looked at on your daughter's behalf.  Whether you know it or not, your efforts will have a ripple effect on countless other students who are also dealing with being bullied.

"This Has to Stop Now": Rachel Ehmke, 13, Bullying Suicide

She was a beautiful girl.  She was ambitious, "big dreams, big goals", says her father.  She was bullied, according to her family, for over a year.  And, now she's gone.

Rachel Ehmke wore a brave face.  Whenever asked about the bullying situation, she'd always say she was "fine".  She didn't want them to worry about her.  However, behind the mask of bravery was a young girl who was being torn apart by the bullying:  "Fine = I wish you knew how I really felt".  No one did.  Her family knew she was being bullied, and they did what needed to be done in response to it.  They didn't know what was going on inside of her.  She held it in.  Letting it out, and letting her amazing family know how she was really feeling would've most likely saved her life.

Older sister, Brittany, bravely spoke to a local group of concerned citizens, Community Against Bullying, about her sister.  Through her pain and tears, she painted a very powerful, poignant picture of the events that took her younger sister away from her.    Armed with the knowledge that the known bullies and their families are now being contacted and demeaned, she emphatically stated:

“We don’t want that,” Brittany said. “My sister wouldn’t want that. I know that she would not want this to keep going.”

 In the end, though, she conveyed a message of grace and love.

“We just want anybody who is bullying, just to stop,” Brittany said. “I don’t care if it’s in Kasson or it’s here. I don’t really care where it is, because this is the worst thing you can ever go through, that you can suffer through, because people were hurting, were so mean to her and she felt there was nothing else to do.”  

In fact, that's the message from the entire family.  The father, Rick, echoed the same sentiment:

"Even the bullies obviously need some help," he said. "They need to be aware that they have the right to that same help." 

So, once again, and far too often, another young life has been lost to the rising scourge of bullying.  To continue to minimize what is obvious, that bullying and teen suicides have become an epidemic of epic proportion, is to assure that we'll keep seeing these occurrences on a near-daily basis.  And, that's unacceptable.

Someone pointed out that "writing about it and making 'It Gets Better' videos isn't enough.  I agree.  All of the efforts to stop bullying, from blogging to social media groups and pages to the It Gets Better campaign, are heartfelt and sincere.  And, to be sure, all of the efforts are having an impact.  I can state that factually based on emails I receive.  At the same time, more does need to be done.

• The dialogue is now a dinner-table topic.  It's in the news daily.  And, rightfully so.  More talk is needed.  More voices are needed.  
• Once again, in Rachel's case, it is said that the response time from the school officials lagged.  That's unacceptable.  That speaks to minimization.  That speaks to accountability.  What do you think would happen if every parent of every student in every school across the country delivered the message, together as one voice, "nothing is more important than the life of my child and, while they're there in your care, you are wholly responsible for their safety and welfare"?  
• Closer attention needs to be given to the emotional welfare of these young people.  Of course, the perfect vision of hindsight often reveals tell-tale signs of pending disaster, but that's after the fact.  And, "after the fact" is too often too late.
• Encourage young people to talk to an adult if they are being bullied!!!  Please.  
• And, always, always, always have resources readily available in the event you need them.  Communication is definitely essential:

Suicide Resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Befrienders

This video tribute does better than I ever could in saying how much Rachel meant to those close to her.  To the family and friends of Rachel, we wish you continued strength, courage, and love in the trying days, months, and indeed years that lie ahead.

THIS Is What We're Up Against!

By now, I'm sure that many of those reading this blog, or on the facebook blog page, have read the story of the North Carolina maniac, disguised as a pastor, who told his congregation to physical abuse their young children if they thought they were beginning to show homosexual tendencies.  That's right!  In his words, "I give you a special dispensation this morning to..." crack the perceived limp wrists of their very young boy if they thought he was showing homosexual tendencies.  "Man up".  He also urged them to PUNCH the boy.

I have to pause for a moment to regain my composure and dignity.

What's worse is the "congregation" he was delivering the "sermon" to were laughing, cheering, and offering their "amen" to the words of this barbarian.    I'm guessing that advocating the harm of a child isn't a crime in North Carolina.  Or, is that ok "as long as it's done for religious, political, or philosophical beliefs."?

My mind wants to go back to the person who "Anonymously" posted a comment last month to one of the blog entries who said that it was "absolutely absurd" to blame religious and political "leaders" for what's going on in this country, and around the world, today when it comes to the LGBT community and, in particular, the LGBT youth.  Those words don't go away.  I seeth every time they replay in my mind.

It doesn't get any clearer than this:  what we're witnessing right now in this country is an all-out war against the LGBT community.  Keep in mind, as well, that there was also recent a "DJ", DJ Dominic Dieter, who went on record as telling a father that he should get one of his friends to screw his lesbian daughter straight.  For a nation so obsessed with terrorism, and the threat thereof (and, rightfully so), it's interesting that groups who publicly wage war against a segment of our population aren't considered domestic terrorists.  To be fair, I will add that a number of these maniacs are, in fact, listed as hate groups.  Wouldn't you, as a Christian, be just a little leery about going to a church that is listed as a hate group?  Well, yes, of course you would.  That is, of course, unless your mind is as warped as those who lead these "churches".

Here's the issue in plain black and white:  we are in the fight of our lives, as a community, right here and right now.  At stake is our freedom, as a community, as "they" systematically attempt to erase all gains that have been made over the past few years as it pertains to marriage equality and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.  WORSE, what's at stake is the very lives of the LGBT teens from coast-to-coast and border-to-border as we see one political and/or religious "leader" after another all but say "we don't care that they're killing themselves.  If they'd stop being LGBT, they'd feel better about themselves and wouldn't commit suicide."  We need to let them know that this is 100% unacceptable.  From this constant attack, led by highly visible "leaders" comes the mentality of the young ones that it's okay, and even expected of them, to bully those they perceive to be LGBT.  


I get a little emotional about this.

This just shows what we're up against.  It shows that we need to fight harder, with even more conviction, and we need every single available voice to speak up loudly and clearly.  The message needs to be crystal clear:  we are NOT second-class citizens; we are NOT mistakes; we ARE equal in every sense of the word; and, God's opinion of me and my life is between me and God.  Being gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender has NOTHING to do with the quality of our character.  We are PEOPLE, first and foremost.


Spread the word.  Every voice is needed...right now!

More Questions Than Answers

There's a war waging in our country and, to be sure, around the world.

On one side of the battlefield are people with strongly held, if misguided, religious and political beliefs that leads, both directly and indirectly, to casualties.  They are the aggressors.  Their rhetoric creates the environment of hate and intolerance that allows young people to feel it's okay to be hateful, intolerant, mean, and outright (at times) violent to other young people whom they deem to be different.

On the other side is a group of people, a segment of our population, who want nothing more than to be accepted simply for who they are, to be able to love whomever their heart falls in love with, and to an equal opportunity to live their lives to the fullest extent without repudiation.    That doesn't seem to be asking for too much.

Why is it so hard for people to simply tend to their own lives and allow others to live THEIR own lives?


How is it that people who profess to be Christians, that is to say "followers of Christ", can be so full of hatred and intolerance...be so bitter and spiteful?


What does it say about us, as a people, that we continually elect people to "govern" us who are mean-spirited, narrow-minded, or intolerant?


Why is it that NO ONE is ever held accountable for the suicide death of someone who was so severely traumatized by the hatred and intolerance, BULLIED so badly, that they felt no other way to end it than to end their very existence? 


How does a person even BEGIN to blame the victim for feeling such a sense of hopeless- and helplessness that (s)he felt that the only way out was to end their life?


WHAT KIND OF PERSON, let alone a person of power and influence, chooses to protect the one(s) who bully as opposed to the victim(s)?


I could go on and on, ad nauseum.  Why?  Because there are far more questions than answers.  To get to the root of this issue, however, these are just some of the questions that begs to be answered.  Forget about religious beliefs or politics beliefs that are steeped in religion.  The fact of the matter is that people as young as 10-years-old are ending their young lives not only because they are being bullied beyond their threshold of tolerance, they are also getting the sense that no one can or will help them.  In countless comments, replies, and even personal emails, I'm told, by parents or adults who survived the bullying!, of situations where the went through all the proper channels, and no one did anything about it!  How is that possible?  How is it possible that people, from school administrators, to religious leaders, to politicians are letting these young people die without alarm?   

Let me be clear:  I am not referring to all Christians when I say that they, with their hatred and intolerance, have a role to play in this madness.  I am fully aware that there are true Christians, that is to say true followers of Christ, who are as alarmed as anyone to see what's going on with the bullying and teen suicides...and, in particular, the bullying and teen suicides of the LGBT youth.  Incredibly, even Pat Robertson went on record just last week for saying that the bullying of LGBT youth is wrong and should stop, that Christians are supposed to be about love and acceptance, not hatred and intolerance.  Wonder how many of them heard him?

Rev. Pat Robertson could not have been clearer during his 700 Club's question and answer period - bullying gay and lesbian students is wrong.

Roberston was asked by a viewer named Douglas: "What would you say to a school that has gay and LGBT (sic) students being bullied by the Christian kids?"

Robertson actually seems a bit shocked by the question, and answered: "Well I think that's terrible. Christians shouldn't do that... I mean.. lesbian, gay, transgender, blah blah blah, I mean.. Christians shouldn't do that. They ought to act in love."

He continued: "You may disagree, you may think these practices are an abomination, you can think all sorts of things, but you need to love, and reach out to these kids in love." To which his co-host repled: "Absolutely. Bullying is wrong - period."

Which got an "Amen" from Robertson.

Before we can change the culture that's creating the atmosphere of hatemongering, which is leading directly to the suicides of young people around the world at an unbelievable rate (and, statistically, two more teens have committed suicide just since I started writing this article), we have to change the way people think.  And, to change the way people think, we must change what is taught!  God is love.  Period. (1John 4:8) And, NO politicians personal and/or religious beliefs are more important than human life.  Period.

Jack Reese, 17, Bully-Related Suicide in Northern Utah

It doesn't appear to be getting any better.  On Monday, April 23rd, Alex Smith was speaking at a community event about bullying and about how his own boyfriend had suffered repeated bullying because he was gay.  Unbeknownst to anyone there, including Alex, his boyfriend, Jack Reese, had already taken his own life.

I don't have any details about the event.  We don't really need any details at this point.  The storyline has become all too familiar.  An LGBT youth, trying to live happily as the person he or she is, is faced with relentless, narrow-minded intolerance until he or she reaches the point of no return.  To them, the only way to make it end is to end their young lives.  Sound familiar.  Of course it does.  It's happening far, far, far too often.  Let's be clear on this:  if these bullies were to take a gun to school and shoot their victim, they'd be charged with the crime of causing the death of that victim.  When their words and/or actions cause that same victim to end their life, that bully is no less responsible that death than they would be had they pointed a gun and pulled the trigger.  


I found this quote, when researching Jack's event, both deeply disturbing and alarmingly revealing:

 “It happens here about once a week, but officially, you know, it doesn’t happen here.”

"It", of course, being LGBT teen suicides.  And, "here" being the Northern Utah region where Jack lived and died.  The world should be outraged that such a thing is happening in the entire world!, not to mention in one, small region.  That suggests a very deep problem with our society.

Telling our LGBT teens that "It Gets Better" is absolutely meaningless when they continue to see and hear people of power (religious and politic figures, school officials, and, sometimes, even their parents) tell them that they are flawed, evil, perverted, and more.  They're not stupid.  They know that the adults they hear and see continually denouncing their very being are precisely why the incidents of bullying, especially against LGBT teens, continue to escalate, both in frequency and intensity.  I'll say it til I'm blue in the face (which would really be a neat trick for me!) that these young people who do the bullying that's causing other teens, straight and LGBT alike, to end their lives are learning their hatred and intolerance from adults!!  Think, for a second, of Tennessee Rep. Jeremy Faison's statements from earlier in the week, and you'll know exactly what I mean.  And, he's just one person.  This goes on in every city, in every state, every day.  Meanwhile, another family has to bury their teenaged child because that child couldn't handle one more day of being emotionally destroyed.

In addition to the above quote, Marian Edmonds, director of the Ogden, Utah, OUTreach program, has a lot to say:

“The youth I work with all know either a victim of bullying, the loss of a friend to suicide, and most often, both. These youth are bright, creative and loving, yet too often face daily abuse from rejecting families, bullies at school and the loss of their church family. It is time for local schools to incorporate proven techniques for eliminating bullying and homophobia, for churches to preach love and acceptance, and for parents and families to love and accept their children. Each loss of life is a loss for all of us, and it must stop now,”

There are people, like Marian Edmonds, who are rolling up their sleeves and immersing themselves  in this business of changing this mean-spirited culture that's not only causing children to end their lives but encouraging children to be so mean and intolerant of those whom they perceive as different that they end their lives.  She made one statement that was so poignant, it will stay with me for a very long time:

“Until all youth are loved and accepted in their homes, able to attend school without fear of bullying, and know that their lives are worth living, this community will continue to demand change,”

Make that two communities.  Until I breath my last breathe, I will continue to demand change.  The "community" that has developed in support of this blog has grown to numbers I would've never imagined when I started this in November of 2011.  With that enormity in numbers, there's a rather formidable community here, more than capable of effecting change in our culture.  Change that will bring about tolerance.  Change that will save lives.  Look, nobody is suggesting that everyone has to love everyone.  It would be nice.  But, it's also unrealistic.  However, the expectation of a tolerant society, one that lets people live their own lives without the scrutiny of those who may not agree with diversity is not too much to ask for.  In fact, we must demand it.

Unfortunately, Jack Reese is yet another teen who won't be here to celebrate the day that acceptance is the norm.  It didn't get better for Jack or the far-too-many before him.  And, it won't get better unless we continue demanding it.  Every voice matters.  Rest in peace, young Jack.  And, for you Alex, I hope that you're surrounded right now with lots of love and support.  Stay strong...stronger than you may feel you're capable of right now.  Do it for Jack.  Do it for yourself.  Do it for the countless other at-risk teens there in Northern Utah, around the country, and around the world!  We need your voice to help us reach the day when no family, and no spouse or significant other, has to go through the ordeal of burying their young loved one simply because someone else felt it their duty to push them over their limit.  Enough is Enough!