With all the emphasis that's been put on bullying and bullycide, it's easy to lose track of the reality that those aren't the only reasons for teen suicides. In many cases, whereas bullying may have played a role, depression was the driving force. Depression claimed Jamie's life even though there had been some bullying.
While educating both students and school faculty about bullying, its effects, and how to prevent it is essential, it is equally crucial for both groups to understand the effects and symptoms of depression. Education in both areas will definitely save lives.
My friend, Barb Hildebrand, creator of the facebook page Suicide Shatters, shared this on her site. I think it would be a very effective tool for educating about depression. In agreement with Barb, I believe this program should be implemented in every school across the country, and around the world. There's no way to have enough tools available to fight this plague of teen suicides. That said, I strongly encourage every one to push to get this program implemented in your local schools. If you're parents, if you have younger siblings, if you have friends who could be at risk, wouldn't you feel better knowing that everyone in their school is being educated about depression and how to deal with it? I know it would certainly give me a little peace of mind.
Experts believe that approximately 1 in 8 teens suffer from depression. That's an alarming number! Educating yourselves is not important: it's imperative. Then, having the school's faculty and, certainly, the teens themselves educated as well will go a very long way towards our goal of eliminating teen suicides.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
From Lemons to the Sweetest Lemonade
I am an administrator on one of the facebook pages set up in honor of Jamie Hubley. It's an outstanding community of loving, sharing, and caring. In that community, I've met people who are now very dear to me, people I consider true friends, and people who are more of my family than any of the posers who share my same blood. Also in that community are many of Jamie's family members and friends. I guess that's what makes it so special.
One of the people in that group is Steph. Steph and Jamie were friends for 10 years before his October suicide. Steph is a breath of fresh air. Being a normal teen, she's gone through everything that most teens go through, including the bullying. And, she's stronger because of it. So strong, in fact, she's begun doing motivational speaking in her area to other teens.
Her story is one that will resonate with other young people. I know it will because tonight, for the first time, Steph shared her story with us. See, she was getting picked on because of who she is and where she is in life. Her head sticks just a bit above the crowd. You know what happens next. True to form, the verbal tomatoes began to fly. Rather than wilt under the weight of their criticisms, Steph opted to respond. She did more than respond. She knocked the wind straight out of their sails.
Inside "the Jamie community", which is what it's called by many, we get a lot of people who are hurting, in one way or another. Sometimes, it gets really intense as we do have young people within the community who sometimes feel there's no other way out. The word is out, though, that this is definitely a go-to spot for people who are in need, young and not-so-young. There's never, ever a shortage of people who are there ready to give a listen and help out to the best of their ability. Never. And, there's Steph. She is always one of the ones who are right there in the thick of it all when things intensify. She's truly a remarkable girl, and she's changing lives.
Life dealt her a lot of lemons from a very early age. With them, she's made some of the sweetest lemonade you'll find anywhere.
One of the people in that group is Steph. Steph and Jamie were friends for 10 years before his October suicide. Steph is a breath of fresh air. Being a normal teen, she's gone through everything that most teens go through, including the bullying. And, she's stronger because of it. So strong, in fact, she's begun doing motivational speaking in her area to other teens.
Her story is one that will resonate with other young people. I know it will because tonight, for the first time, Steph shared her story with us. See, she was getting picked on because of who she is and where she is in life. Her head sticks just a bit above the crowd. You know what happens next. True to form, the verbal tomatoes began to fly. Rather than wilt under the weight of their criticisms, Steph opted to respond. She did more than respond. She knocked the wind straight out of their sails.
Inside "the Jamie community", which is what it's called by many, we get a lot of people who are hurting, in one way or another. Sometimes, it gets really intense as we do have young people within the community who sometimes feel there's no other way out. The word is out, though, that this is definitely a go-to spot for people who are in need, young and not-so-young. There's never, ever a shortage of people who are there ready to give a listen and help out to the best of their ability. Never. And, there's Steph. She is always one of the ones who are right there in the thick of it all when things intensify. She's truly a remarkable girl, and she's changing lives.
Life dealt her a lot of lemons from a very early age. With them, she's made some of the sweetest lemonade you'll find anywhere.
Monday, January 9, 2012
A Daunting Task
It is well-documented that the October suicide of Jamie Hubley led me to roll up my sleeves and get more directly involved in trying to save lives. That led directly to this blog: Enough is Enough. And, of course, since its conception, this blog has been read tens of thousands of times. That great news!!! That means, hopefully, that this blog is really making a difference. Somewhere. Somehow. That's my goal. As Lyndsay Winegarden (STOP Teenage Suicide) put it, "if I can save even one life, this will all be worth it." Agreed.
Since starting this venture, I know that I've had a hand in quite a few situations that were teetering on disaster. And, they've all had happy endings. I'm sure that everyone who has gotten involved in this grass roots movement to make a difference and save some lives can say the same thing. I've witnessed some of the letters.
What I've learned since October, though, is that this business can be a very daunting task, indeed.
The thought is always in my mind "what if?" What if we are unable to save this one? What if all of our efforts go by the wayside? Would I take that as hard as I would if it were my own family member. That answer is yes. When I took on this task, I put everything I have into it, emotionally speaking. I was either going to give it maximum effort, or I wasn't going to do it at all. And, this is far too important of an issue for me to opt for the latter.
Recently, I've run into a situation where the young person at-risk literally and honestly did not want to be helped. I was angrily told to just give up, to stop caring. That's not something that I'm able to do. I told him that. It didn't matter. He was adamant that I should just forget about him, that he had already given up. Frustration. Then, determination. Quitting is something else I'm not good at. I will not "...just forget about..." him. I will do whatever I need to do to keep him alive. And, if I fail, I'll know that I tried my best. I didn't give up.
I've had the occasion more than once where I'd been chatting with someone who was right at the brink. Or, at least, so it seemed. So, as I kept them chatting, I tried feverishly to reach someone on one of the several suicide prevention pages on the social network I'm a part of. (yeah, me and 800,000 others!) And, in EACH case, I was shouting to an empty room! THERE WAS NO ONE THERE!! What if I were the one sitting there, gun in hand, tears staining my shirt, looking for that one last person to tell me "don't do it!!! You're going to be alright", and I went to one of these suicide prevention pages? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do when I'm feeling that low? That's what I've been told. So, I try it, as a last-gasp effort. AND, NOBODY'S THERE!!!! Chances are pretty good, at that point, I'm pulling the trigger. Dominic Crouch tried reaching out in his final minutes, and the effort went unanswered. And, we lost him. So, my point is that if these pages are supposed to be there to help save lives, shouldn't there ALWAYS be someone on there to respond to the despondent? Isn't that the purpose? Frustration. Then, determination. I will be sending messages to the administrators of each of these pages strongly urging them to get enough administrators on their pages so that there will ALWAYS be someone there!! Getting a message from someone from their page the next day asking me if I'M alright is certainly not good enough. I pulled the trigger the night before...when I couldn't find anyone to tell me that I was going to be ok if I just held on a little bit longer.
This is a daunting task, indeed. By far, it's the most emotionally draining task I've ever had. However, it's also the most worthwhile venture I've ever involved myself in. It's task that I will see through to its completion. Because every life is worth the effort.
Since starting this venture, I know that I've had a hand in quite a few situations that were teetering on disaster. And, they've all had happy endings. I'm sure that everyone who has gotten involved in this grass roots movement to make a difference and save some lives can say the same thing. I've witnessed some of the letters.
What I've learned since October, though, is that this business can be a very daunting task, indeed.
The thought is always in my mind "what if?" What if we are unable to save this one? What if all of our efforts go by the wayside? Would I take that as hard as I would if it were my own family member. That answer is yes. When I took on this task, I put everything I have into it, emotionally speaking. I was either going to give it maximum effort, or I wasn't going to do it at all. And, this is far too important of an issue for me to opt for the latter.
Recently, I've run into a situation where the young person at-risk literally and honestly did not want to be helped. I was angrily told to just give up, to stop caring. That's not something that I'm able to do. I told him that. It didn't matter. He was adamant that I should just forget about him, that he had already given up. Frustration. Then, determination. Quitting is something else I'm not good at. I will not "...just forget about..." him. I will do whatever I need to do to keep him alive. And, if I fail, I'll know that I tried my best. I didn't give up.
I've had the occasion more than once where I'd been chatting with someone who was right at the brink. Or, at least, so it seemed. So, as I kept them chatting, I tried feverishly to reach someone on one of the several suicide prevention pages on the social network I'm a part of. (yeah, me and 800,000 others!) And, in EACH case, I was shouting to an empty room! THERE WAS NO ONE THERE!! What if I were the one sitting there, gun in hand, tears staining my shirt, looking for that one last person to tell me "don't do it!!! You're going to be alright", and I went to one of these suicide prevention pages? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do when I'm feeling that low? That's what I've been told. So, I try it, as a last-gasp effort. AND, NOBODY'S THERE!!!! Chances are pretty good, at that point, I'm pulling the trigger. Dominic Crouch tried reaching out in his final minutes, and the effort went unanswered. And, we lost him. So, my point is that if these pages are supposed to be there to help save lives, shouldn't there ALWAYS be someone on there to respond to the despondent? Isn't that the purpose? Frustration. Then, determination. I will be sending messages to the administrators of each of these pages strongly urging them to get enough administrators on their pages so that there will ALWAYS be someone there!! Getting a message from someone from their page the next day asking me if I'M alright is certainly not good enough. I pulled the trigger the night before...when I couldn't find anyone to tell me that I was going to be ok if I just held on a little bit longer.
This is a daunting task, indeed. By far, it's the most emotionally draining task I've ever had. However, it's also the most worthwhile venture I've ever involved myself in. It's task that I will see through to its completion. Because every life is worth the effort.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Making A Difference
I had something else I was going to write about. Actually, when I clicked on THIS story, I thought it was the story that I wanted to write about. I'm glad I was wrong.
What really grabbed my attention about this story was that it's right here in my backyard!! I used work directly across the street from the school where he teaches. Spent far too many Spring afternoons watching their baseball team dominate their opponents from my office window.
Chris Murray was touched by the story of a 17-year-old lesbian from his school. Her story moved him to action! Speaking in front of all of the school's teachers and administrators, "Emily" went on to tell how it felt to be an lgbt student at their school. How it felt to know that there were some teachers who clearly displayed that they just didn't care what happened to the lgbt students. How seeing their response, or lack thereof, to situations of harassment or worse was tantamount to telling the lgbt students that they didn't matter. Further, it felt as though they were sending the message to the ones harassing and bullying that their actions were ok. I'm certain that it wasn't unlike the plight of any student at any school in the country: some administrators do NOTHING to intervene when they witness the harassment and bullying that the lgbt students must endure. And, what we already know to be true, "Emily" was able to convey to those who cared, most notably Chris Murray. In response, Mr. Murray took action.
Following the lead of GLSEN (the gay, lesbian, straight education network), Chris has introduced the Team Respect Challenge at his high school. Further, he's encourage other teachers and coaches to do the same. Unfortunately, not all will follow his lead. That's to be expected. That only serves to remind us that there's still lots and lots of work that need to be done. When we have adults in power positions who still turn a blind eye on the very volatile situation that is harassment and bullying of people who are perceived as different, you know there's lots of work to be done.
There are more Chris Murray's out there. Slowly but surely, we're finding them. And, they're making a contribution for the better. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about?
What really grabbed my attention about this story was that it's right here in my backyard!! I used work directly across the street from the school where he teaches. Spent far too many Spring afternoons watching their baseball team dominate their opponents from my office window.
Chris Murray was touched by the story of a 17-year-old lesbian from his school. Her story moved him to action! Speaking in front of all of the school's teachers and administrators, "Emily" went on to tell how it felt to be an lgbt student at their school. How it felt to know that there were some teachers who clearly displayed that they just didn't care what happened to the lgbt students. How seeing their response, or lack thereof, to situations of harassment or worse was tantamount to telling the lgbt students that they didn't matter. Further, it felt as though they were sending the message to the ones harassing and bullying that their actions were ok. I'm certain that it wasn't unlike the plight of any student at any school in the country: some administrators do NOTHING to intervene when they witness the harassment and bullying that the lgbt students must endure. And, what we already know to be true, "Emily" was able to convey to those who cared, most notably Chris Murray. In response, Mr. Murray took action.
Following the lead of GLSEN (the gay, lesbian, straight education network), Chris has introduced the Team Respect Challenge at his high school. Further, he's encourage other teachers and coaches to do the same. Unfortunately, not all will follow his lead. That's to be expected. That only serves to remind us that there's still lots and lots of work that need to be done. When we have adults in power positions who still turn a blind eye on the very volatile situation that is harassment and bullying of people who are perceived as different, you know there's lots of work to be done.
There are more Chris Murray's out there. Slowly but surely, we're finding them. And, they're making a contribution for the better. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about?
Friday, January 6, 2012
Edmund Padilla Needs Your Prayers
We've heard the old one-step-forward-two-steps-back theory. Right now, in this first week of 2012, it feels as though we've omitted to one-step-forward part of the equation.
Nineteen-year-old Edmund Padilla, of the Phillipines, was scalded by boiling water by his father when he came out as being gay.
This throws everything out the window. All the talk of educating the adults and parents. Tossed. All the talk of "It Gets Better". Hurled! Etched in Edmund's mind now is "it doesn't get better". He was rejected violently by his own father. Worse, he's now been scarred, both emotionally and physically, for life by the very person who created him.
The question has been asked several times this week: "when will it end"? My answer has been consistent: "It will start to change when we stop TALKING about it and start taking action".
For now, as Edmund lies in burn unit in the Phillipines, we pray for his recovery. It's going to be a long, painful road.
Then, we focus our attention on the monster of a father, drunk or not, who did this to ANY human being, not to mention his very own flesh and blood. We demand that he is brought to full justice for his actions.
And, last but certainly not least, we understand that this is no easy task. There truly are sick people in this world, people who would condone this type of violence towards the lgbt community. (remember the failed Michigan bill and the current bill in Tennessee that would SANCTION this type of behavior if passed) In everything we do, we MUST make it clear that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. Not by other teens. Not by school administrators. And, certainly not by the parents. Zero tolerance means just that.
Nineteen-year-old Edmund Padilla, of the Phillipines, was scalded by boiling water by his father when he came out as being gay.
This throws everything out the window. All the talk of educating the adults and parents. Tossed. All the talk of "It Gets Better". Hurled! Etched in Edmund's mind now is "it doesn't get better". He was rejected violently by his own father. Worse, he's now been scarred, both emotionally and physically, for life by the very person who created him.
The question has been asked several times this week: "when will it end"? My answer has been consistent: "It will start to change when we stop TALKING about it and start taking action".
For now, as Edmund lies in burn unit in the Phillipines, we pray for his recovery. It's going to be a long, painful road.
Then, we focus our attention on the monster of a father, drunk or not, who did this to ANY human being, not to mention his very own flesh and blood. We demand that he is brought to full justice for his actions.
And, last but certainly not least, we understand that this is no easy task. There truly are sick people in this world, people who would condone this type of violence towards the lgbt community. (remember the failed Michigan bill and the current bill in Tennessee that would SANCTION this type of behavior if passed) In everything we do, we MUST make it clear that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. Not by other teens. Not by school administrators. And, certainly not by the parents. Zero tolerance means just that.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A Story of Remarkable Strength, Courage, and Caring
If you look around our social landscape, you see a bleak picture painted by the brush of today's youth who see no other way out but suicide.
If you look around the world's leading social network, you see many pages by many people who are trying to make a difference by attempting to stem the tide of teen suicides. Right there leading the charge is STOP Teenage Suicide.
The page's founder, Lyndsay Winegarden, has a remarkable story. It's a story of strength, courage, perseverance, and caring. Read it for yourself. It's...well...what I just said. And then some.
What she has created, STOP Teenage Suicide, has been a very effective tool. She tells of how many young lives she saved just over the recently-passed holidays, alone. The membership of the group is growing by the day as people from all around the world are finding out that it's a place for helping as well as being helped. And, as she said in her own words, "if I can save even one life, it will all be worth it". Indeed. She's not just saving "...one life...", she's saving and helping many.
This is amazing considering where she's come from and everything she's had to deal with. Her story, alone, should be enough to inspire any teen when they're in their darkest hour. Enduring what Lyndsay's had to endure, even as she worked through a deep depression, and coming out stronger for it sends a very strong, crystal clear message of "yes, it really does get better". People are now paying attention to what she has to say. And, the timing for that couldn't be better as the battle to end teen suicide has never been more impassioned than today.
This business of trying to save lives is no easy task, by any stretch of the imagination. By getting involved, we understand that we will be required, at some point, to make many sacrifices. Sometimes, it's time consuming. Sometimes, especially when the at-risk teen is on the other side of the world, it's hard to find the resources you need to keep that teen alive. All of the time, it's emotionally draining. There are many, many people giving their best effort to make a difference, trying to end teen suicides. There are tireless people on countless pages and website. There are bloggers. You quickly come to understand that what you're doing is changing lives. Right now, no one is doing that better than Lyndsay Winegarden and her creation, STOP Teenage Suicide.
If you look around the world's leading social network, you see many pages by many people who are trying to make a difference by attempting to stem the tide of teen suicides. Right there leading the charge is STOP Teenage Suicide.
The page's founder, Lyndsay Winegarden, has a remarkable story. It's a story of strength, courage, perseverance, and caring. Read it for yourself. It's...well...what I just said. And then some.
What she has created, STOP Teenage Suicide, has been a very effective tool. She tells of how many young lives she saved just over the recently-passed holidays, alone. The membership of the group is growing by the day as people from all around the world are finding out that it's a place for helping as well as being helped. And, as she said in her own words, "if I can save even one life, it will all be worth it". Indeed. She's not just saving "...one life...", she's saving and helping many.
This is amazing considering where she's come from and everything she's had to deal with. Her story, alone, should be enough to inspire any teen when they're in their darkest hour. Enduring what Lyndsay's had to endure, even as she worked through a deep depression, and coming out stronger for it sends a very strong, crystal clear message of "yes, it really does get better". People are now paying attention to what she has to say. And, the timing for that couldn't be better as the battle to end teen suicide has never been more impassioned than today.
This business of trying to save lives is no easy task, by any stretch of the imagination. By getting involved, we understand that we will be required, at some point, to make many sacrifices. Sometimes, it's time consuming. Sometimes, especially when the at-risk teen is on the other side of the world, it's hard to find the resources you need to keep that teen alive. All of the time, it's emotionally draining. There are many, many people giving their best effort to make a difference, trying to end teen suicides. There are tireless people on countless pages and website. There are bloggers. You quickly come to understand that what you're doing is changing lives. Right now, no one is doing that better than Lyndsay Winegarden and her creation, STOP Teenage Suicide.
Alex Frye, 13, Railroad Enthusiast...Bullycide Victim
He loved railroads. He had a mindset that set him apart from kids his age. Early morning January 1st, Alexander Frye committed suicide.
According a family member, there were no indications that anything was troubling him. He was "...smart, caring, and perhaps the most mature 13 year old [anyone] had ever known." According to another family member is "one hundred percent..." certain that his suicide "...was sparked by bullying".
Most astonishing to me was a quote from a suicide prevention team leader for the Wyoming Department of Health. "It is rare for someone so young to take his own life."
Speechless.
We're 5 days into the new year, and I've already reported 2 teen suicides. Chances are there are a couple more that didn't get publicized. As I told a mourner of the young Staten Island girl who committed suicide, things won't change until people stop talking about "how bad" or "how sad" it is and start actually getting involved.
Alex was a brilliant young man. He had a passion for trains. He befriended adults much easier than kids his age. Smart. Intelligent. Caring. And now, another victim of bullycide. This HAS to end.
Rest in Peace, Alex Frye.
According a family member, there were no indications that anything was troubling him. He was "...smart, caring, and perhaps the most mature 13 year old [anyone] had ever known." According to another family member is "one hundred percent..." certain that his suicide "...was sparked by bullying".
Most astonishing to me was a quote from a suicide prevention team leader for the Wyoming Department of Health. "It is rare for someone so young to take his own life."
Speechless.
We're 5 days into the new year, and I've already reported 2 teen suicides. Chances are there are a couple more that didn't get publicized. As I told a mourner of the young Staten Island girl who committed suicide, things won't change until people stop talking about "how bad" or "how sad" it is and start actually getting involved.
Alex was a brilliant young man. He had a passion for trains. He befriended adults much easier than kids his age. Smart. Intelligent. Caring. And now, another victim of bullycide. This HAS to end.
Rest in Peace, Alex Frye.
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