Unimaginable: 7-Year-Old Commits Suicide

I am at an utter loss for words.  A year ago this time, no one could've ever convinced me that I would be writing about a 7-year-old boy who committed suicide.  Yet, that's the report coming from Detroit, MI.

I don't even know how to begin writing about a 7-year-old who's committed suicide.  I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of a 7-year-old committing suicide.  

According to early reports, the unnamed boy was distraught over the recent separation of his parents, with his father being gone from the home.  He was also reportedly being "continuously" bullied by students at school.  If my math is right, 7-years-old is second grade.  Second grade for me was Brighton Elementary, stickball in the field beside my aunt's house, riding my bicycle up and down Potomac Ave, and just enjoying being a young kid.  I cannot honest even remember knowing what the word suicide meant; therefore, I certainly wouldn't have understood how to successfully complete one.  We, as a society, are in a very bad place when 7-year-olds are even thinking about ending their lives.

Where do we begin?  This event screams for attention.  If the suicide of a 7-year-old, a 7-year-old whose mother has already stated that he had been "continuously bullied", doesn't make everyone, and I do mean everyone, sit up and take notice, then the problem is far more entrenched than any of us ever imagined.  Obviously, at age 7, we will not even begin to speculate over the "why" the bullying was occurring in the first place.  What matters is that it was occurring.  What matters is that, at age 7, he felt it was too much to handle.  That should be all we need to know.  

I've seen far too many cases where a victim of bullying has stated clearly that "nothing was done" when the incidents were reported.  I've heard parents state the same thing far too often.  On the facebook blog page, I hear from both victims and parents of victims who say the same thing.  Over and over.  I'm going to state something that should, by now, be painfully obvious:  we're allowing this to continue.

We're allowing this to continue because, although more and more people are getting involved and making sure their voices are being heard, we're not demanding immediate and definitive action.  We're allowing this to continue by allowing "them" to continue to sweep it all under the carpet and hope it goes away.  Meanwhile, kids are dying at their own hands.  

Let the suicide of this very young person be the wake-up call that's sorely needed.  If nothing changes, nothing changes.  That's not acceptable.  Let's send lots of love and support to the family of this 7-year-old yet-to-be-named child.  Imagine for a minute, if you can, the sheer agony they are going through right now.  

Valuable Resources to help end teen (and, pre-teen) suicide:

Befrienders

Suicide Support

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The Trevor Project

North Carolina Pastor Calls for Death to Homosexuals

This story has caught fire across the Internet, and for good reason.  Here's the blunt, honest truth about what's going on in our culture today:  With the momentum that the LGBT community has picked up in its fight for equality, the far-right has declared war on everyone who falls under that umbrella.  The latest example of that is a North Carolina pastor, Charles Worley.  The head of the Providence Road Baptist Church made a statement that should be viewed as dangerous, if not criminal:

“I figured a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers,” he says.

“Build a great, big, large fence — 150- or 100-mile long — put all the lesbians in there . . . do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals, and have that fence electrified so they can’t get out.

“Feed ’em, and you know what?” Worley continues. “In a few years they’ll die. Do you know why? They can’t reproduce.”

Now, before any naysayers get riled up and leave comments about free speech, save it.  Rest assured that free speech has nothing to do with hate speech.  When a person publicly calls for the death a person, that's not free speech;  that's hate speech.  And, it's criminal.  In "pastor" Worley's case, he called for the death of an entire segment of our population!  That's NOT free speech:  that's hate speech!!  That's called genocide.  Pastor Charles Worley is calling for the genocide of all LGBT people in this country.  That cannot be tolerated.

For a human being to call for the extermination of another human being is reprehensible, to be sure.  For a human being to call for the extermination of an entire group of people is Hitler-esque, to say the least.  For a person of power and influence, a so-called "man of God"!, to call for the mass murder of a group of people in front of his congregation is irresponsible, dangerous, and (should be) criminal.  

It's the knowing that people of this mentality not only exist in our society but hold positions of great power and influence that continues to fuel the bullying of LGBT teens in schools and online; it's the reason why those who do the bullying feel sanctioned in their actions.  It's a dangerously vicious cycle that demands immediate attention and firm action.

Petitions are already up and running online to combat this tyrant.  At the very least, it is this author's belief that he should be forced to step down from "ministering" the congregation at Providence Road Baptist Church.  Further, he shouldn't be allowed to minister at all, anywhere, ever again.  

Look, this blog has nearly 15,000 direct followers, either as members on the facebook blog page or as subscribers to it.  Yet, only 10% or less read it on a daily basis.  Even less actually get involved when the whistle blows.  I get it:  in any arena, there are people on the field and in the game; and, there are spectators.  I get that.  However, this is an urgent call to action!  This article needs to be read and heavily circulated.  Even more importantly, the petitions need to be signed.  Being a spectator to the call for genocide shouldn't be an option for anyone.  Understanding that "they" are officially declaring war on the entire LGBT community is vital at this point in time.

History will view people like Charles Worley through the same lenses that other historical tyrants are viewed.  He's no less evil or dangerous, at least in his thought process, than Hitler.  However, "history" connotes future eyes looking back over time.  Right here and now, we're in that time.  Lives are at stake, in the here and now, like never before.  When religious and political "leaders" begin to speak out and call for the death of an entire cultural group, it needs to be understood that they are essentially declaring war on said people.  

It's time for everyone to understand the urgency of the situation and get involved.  Here are the petitions to sign:

First, Charles Worley needs to step down as pastor of Providence Baptist Church:

Petition the North Carolina AND US Attorney General to take action:

Whether you're gay or straight or anything in between, sign these petitions!!  If nothing else, do it for Harvey Milk.  He would've gone to bat for you.

Happy Birthday, Harvey May 22, 1930 - November 27, 1978

Secretly, I always tried to keep up with gay-related news stories when I was young.  With no electronic media in those days, following national gay-related events was challenging, to say the least.  I remember hearing about someone in San Francisco becoming the first openly gay elected official.  Of course San Francisco.  Here on the East Coast of the U.S., people are trained to believe that that beautiful City by the Bay is nothing more than a haven for gays.  Like everyone there runs around in pink tutus, spreading fairy dust everywhere they go.  People are strange.

Harvey Milk was his name.  I locked that name into my memory bank, even as a young man.  Even as a 20-year-old, I believed that more gays should become visible for who they were and the contributions they had to offer.  Harvey Milk was a validation.  In fact, we shared that same philosophy.

On his third attempt, Harvey was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.  The effects of his presence had national impact.  Amongst the things he championed in a city where the misinformed thought was a gay paradise, Milk fought against discrimination against gays and lesbians in the workplace and housing market.  He won.  He fought for gays and lesbians to be hired as police officers in the City.  He won.  And, the fought the state senate in their effort to ban gays and lesbians from being teachers in California's school systems.  He won.

On November 27, 1978, after temporarily losing his sanity from eating too many Twinkies, former city Supervisor Dan White shot and killed both Harvey Milk and San Francisco then-Mayor, George Moscone.  Three-thousand miles away, this 21-year-old heard the news and cried.  Even without the instant access to news that we have today via the Internet and 24/7 cable news, I knew instinctively that Harvey had been assassinated because he was, in fact, a gay man.  A gay man who tried to stand up and make a difference.  In 1978, that was unheard of.

In 1986, I arrived in San Francisco.  A new beginning.  Until then, my world had consisted only of Maryland and Virginia.  As a 27-year-old, wide-eyed openly gay man, I soaked in all of what this paradise had to offer.  One of the first things I had to do was visit The Castro.  Harvey's old stomping ground.  As I got off of the underground transit, MUNI, I walked out into Harvey Milk Plaza.  And, I was frozen in time.  There I stood, on the hallowed grounds where, less than a decade before, Harvey Milk launched a brilliant, if too short, political career. 


Harvey did much more than fight for gay rights.  As he saw it, gay rights was just another cog in the wheel of human rights.  Basic human rights that, still today, we still fight to achieve.  Harvey Milk worked hard for changes in education, transportation, low-income housing, and more.  He was truly a politician for the people.  As it should be.  His life, and his promising political career, may have been cut short at the hands of former supervisor Dan White.  His legacy, however, will live forever.  In San Francisco.  In California.  And, around the country within the LGBT community.  On this day, we celebrate the life and times of Harvey Milk.  Happy 82nd birthday.  Oh, and thank you for your contributions.

If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes

I had to take a few days off to recharge my internal batteries.  Last week's explosion of suicides really drained me.  In the blog's absence, I've been busy with the facebook blog page.  If you're not already a member there, you should be.  Lots of good conversation going on there.  Batteries recharged, I return to see that not much has changed.

A 12-year-old boy is targeted by older peers after he sticks up for another student.  A 14-year-old is stabbed twice in self-defense.  The 12-year-old gets charged!!  History repeats.

In Des Moines, Iowa, 12-year-old Tyron Cratty was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and carrying deadly weapons.  Why was he charged?  He was charged because he stabbed one of the boys who had been bullying him.  And, once again, rather than focus on the root of the problem, which was the boys who had been bullying him, the bullied person gets in trouble.  In fact, once again, the old catch-phrase "...the incident did not involve bullying" comes into play:

An investigation by school officials concluded that the incident did not involve bullying, West Des Moines school district spokeswoman Elaine Watkins-Miller said.   “Staff talked with multiple students, teachers and those involved (in the incident),” said Watkins-Miller, adding she could not comment in detail about what happened because of student privacy laws. “This obviously was a fight and a conflict, but it was not bullying.”

Far too many questions without answers.  The most obvious of which has to be "why are these officials so quick to sweep bullying under the carpet!?"  It's as if they are afraid to acknowledge that it exists.  This certainly isn't the first time where, in a clear-cut case of bullying, the officials rushed to rule it out.  It's happened in cases where the bullied person committed suicide.  Even as the family and friends of the victim said steadfastly that (s)he'd been bullied, "the officials" hastily make the announcement that no bullying was evident.

Another question that comes to my mind, at least, is "just what is it that they're looking for when they look for evidence of bullying?"

Does the victim have to be battered and bloodied for them to "find evidence" of bullying!?

Are they only making that proclamation to cover their own asses?

Why does the word of the person stating that they've been, or is being, bullied carry so little weight?

Certainly, if I knew the answers to these complex questions, the phenomena of bullying would've been history a long time ago.  That said, these are questions that demands to be answered if we're ever going to bring this chapter to an end.  Perhaps, that's the very reason "the authorities" continue to cop-out to the response "there is no evidence of bullying":  THEY CAN'T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, THEMSELVES!!

In the case of 12-year-old Tyron Cratty, the same school officials who reported that there "was no bullying" did make a half-hearted effort to remove him from the situation.  Their "remedy" was to attempt to isolate him from his tormentors.  Lunch alone in a classroom.  Riding a different bus than his normal.  Alas, their efforts backfired.  On the "new" bus route he was given sat his tormentors.

Somehow though, the boy ended up on the same school bus as three of the students reportedly bullying him, all 14- or 15-year-olds, his mother said. Nicole Cratty said the bus driver witnessed the beginnings of the fight on the bus and heard her son say he had a knife. But the altercation spilled onto the street at the bus stop, and by the time police and medics responded, one of the youngsters had been stabbed.

The bus driver witnessed this but did nothing to stop it.  It's on video, yet the school district spokeswoman, Elaine Watkins-Miller, says "there was no bullying".  Nicole Cratty, Tyron's mother has it right:

“I don’t believe the principals are taking the bullying issue seriously,” she said. “I think it went in one ear and out the other.”

I firmly believe that people who should matter and be able to make a difference are simply not taking the bullying issue seriously.  Until they begin to do so, we're going to continue to see incidences like this, and worse, in the news with alarming frequency.  As the saying goes, "if nothing changes, nothing changes."

How I Know That People Aren't Taking This Seriously

I've been trying to write this one for over a week.  Obviously, other things took precedence.  I had alluded, in an earlier post, that I had just learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that the epidemic we're seeing of bullying and bully-related teen suicides wasn't being taken seriously and that I would explain "...in my next entry."  Well, then all hell broke loose last week, with an explosion of 6 teen suicides in a 48 hour period, and this one got put on the back burner.

So, what happened to assure me that it's not being taken seriously?  I grew tired of waiting for the movie, Bully, to come to a theater near me here in Maryland, so I started checking around to see where I could go to see it.  What I found was discouraging, to say the least.  In the county I live in here in Maryland, the movie is playing at one theater, AND it plays one time per day!  That angered me.  Once I got to the theater, that anger was fused with discouragement.  With a movie of this magnitude being shown in one theater one time per day, one would think that the theater would be packed.  Nope.  Including myself and Marty, there were SIX people viewing the movie.

What I came away with was the reality that, whereas there are obviously those of us who DO care about what's going on, quite obviously there aren't enough people who really give a damn.  And, that in itself gives partial explanation as to why it's easy to get the feeling that not enough is being done.  I came away with the attitude of "not enough is being done because not enough people care!!"

How do we change the general apathy that right now permeates our society as it pertains to bullying and bully-related teen suicides?  I wish I could answer that.  I can't.

"Bully" is most definitely a must-see movie. (if the scene that this picture was captured from doesn't rip your heart right from your chest, you heart beats icicles.)

• The story of Alex Libby is woven throughout the movie.  
• Kelby Johnson, a 16-year-old openly lesbian, was completely outcast by her school
• Ja'Meya Jackson was incarcerated for brandishing a gun on a school bus after being relentlessly bullied  
• Ty Smalley ended his life because of bullying, as did
• Tyler Long

Originally, I was going to do more or less a review of the movie.  However, I don't want to do that.  Rather, I want to challenge everyone who has NOT seen this movie to go do so the very first chance you get.  Take your kids.  Take your nieces and nephews.  Take your neighbor's kids!  Call every school in your district and find out if they have a copy of it yet.  If they don't, demand that they show it to the student body immediately.  It's a must-see movie.  It's a must-see movie because it shows a lot of real-time bullying and what these kids are really dealing with.  It's a must-see movie because it shows the tragic aftermath of what families and friends are left to deal with once one of these young people have taken their lives because of the bullying.  It's a must-see movie because it clearly illustrates how officials, from school officials to police officials, thoroughly fumble the whole process of dealing with bullying and its affects.  And, it's a must-see movie because, sadly, two of the real-life characters are already gone.

In the larger picture, the mission here is to make every effort to get people to take this much, much more seriously than it's currently being taken.  "Kids will be kids; boys will be boys".  Try telling that nonsense to the parents of one of these young people who have ended their life because of "kids being kids".  If you were to read some of the things that I've read, if you were to read the cyberbullying posts that one mother of a recent suicide victim shared with the facebook blog page and the pure evil-spirited venom the words contained, it would be clear that the "kids will be kids; boys will be boys" mentality must be eliminated.  

The five "characters" in the movie aren't characters at all:  they're real-life people.  The two sets of families and friends grieving the loss of their love ones aren't actors playing a role:  they're real-life people devastated by a preventable, life-altering tragedy.  It's time to get serious.  It's time to demand that the authorities get serious.  

Jonathan William Clark, 15, Rest in Peace

I don't know any of the details.  I don't know if he had been bullied.  I don't know if he was an LGBT teen.  All I know, and all that really matters, is that Jon Clark ended his young life earlier this week, marking the third of five midweek teen suicides in this country alone.

With no details about Jon Clark, I'll simply say we're in a very sad place in our society when 5 people under the age of 16 end their lives all within a 48 hour period.  Some from bullying.  Some not.  Some of them perhaps LGBT.  Some, maybe not.  It's enough to make one wonder how did we get to this place in time.  And, how do we get out of it?

Young people, here and around the world, are screaming at the top of their lungs that there's a problem with our culture as it is today.  As the numbers continue to increase, one has to wonder if their voices are truly being heard.  I've said this time and time again, but it's worth saying a million more times until someone hears it:  if this were a virus, let's say a mutant strand of the flu, that was killing young people at this same, break-neck pace, every official in the country would be frenzied to find a quick and effective solution.  More to the point, everyday Joe would be barking down these officials' necks demanding something be done right now!  And, everyday Joe would be relentless in doing so.  That same intense level of concern and action needs to be taking place right now.  

I can't be the only person who finds 5 teen suicides in less that 48 hours absolutely not acceptable.  And, I'm sure I'm not.  I read the comments on the blog as well as on the facebook blog page.  Folks are heartbroken.  Folks are in an uproar!    However, these are words on pages.  And, whereas it's important to see such intense response to these posts about another young life lost, it's equally important, if not moreso!, for people to get involved in taking positive, constructive action.  

Anti-bullying groups in every single school?  Well, that's a start.  I actually think that's a very sound approach.  Yet, after posting a link on the facebook blog page for exactly that type of program, in an effort to jumpstart some grassroot action, the link has only been shared three time.  Walking the walk is a bit more challenging than talking the talk.

Providing resources for, or even just having access to several different resources available, for all young people, whether you THINK they're at risk or not, so that they can have somebody, somewhere, that they can talk to rather than resorting to the one thing that can't be undone?  That's a great idea!  One thing that's always been a reality in many suicide events is that families and friends are left to wonder how they missed the signs.  Sure, in the cases of bullying, it's easy to recognize a young person who's "at risk". However, what we've seen a lot of recently has been cases where "the obvious" wasn't in play.  There was no bullying.  They weren't an LGBT teen.  They had lots of friends and family and the support of people who loved them.  Yet, they're still gone.  Perhaps, just perhaps, having resources readily available for all teens, can make a difference.  One thing for sure: it couldn't hurt.

This is an extraordinarily complex phenomena we're witnessing, and there will be no quick fix.  I assure you of that.  It's going to take a concerted effort of a lot of people to make this epidemic go away.  It's going to take many more people getting involved in forcing officials, from school officials to political officials and everyone in between, to stop sweeping this under the rug, to stop applying bandages to the gaping holes that these young people are feeling in their lives, to stop turning a blind eye to incidents of bullying.  

SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES:

Befrienders

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Trevor's Place

Suicide Support

Like I said, I don't know any of the details about what caused Jon Clark to end his young life.  We may never know.  What is known, however, is that he's gone much, much too soon.  So, once again, we say goodbye to a young person who should still be alive and enjoying the time of their life.  To the family and friends of Jonathan William Clark, you have our deepest sympathy, love, and support.  

Tori Swoape, 15, Death After Being Bullied

I now have information about the second of the five teen suicides from from midweek.  Fifteen year old Tori Swoape ended her life Wednesday, May 8th in Bloomington, Indiana.  According to her mother, and friends, Tori had been bullied. 

Lana Swoape, Tori's mother, said:

"I never thought she could do this. I never thought she would," as tears dripped down her face.  There was name calling. There was rumors. A lot of what Tori went through was rumors.  She was new, and she got teased a lot because ... the girls were jealous because all the guys liked her and the girls didn't”

In what has become the normal response from "officials", Bloomington police Captain, Joe Qualters added:

“We still continue to investigate whether or not bullying may have been a factor in this case. However, we can find no direct relationship. It continues to be rumors circulating on social media sites,”

Bloomington North High School Principal, Jeffry Henderson chimed in:

"We can't find a single incident where she was treated in a disparaging way. There are rumors and innuendoes, but we can't find an eyewitness who can say she was mistreated. She never made a report. I'm certainly not saying it didn't happen, but what I am saying is we cannot find anyone who can substantiate it,” 

Yet, Tori, herself posted to her own facebook wall this message to her tormentors:

'IM NOT TALKING TO NO ONE. so go ahead and spread that RUMOR around! Keep my name out of your mouth. LEAVE MY BUSINESS TO ME!'

Why are the officials so reluctant to acknowledge that bullying is taking place, particularly when the bullying is leading to young lives being lost?  It is my opinion that these "officials" need to have their feet held to the fire.  They need to step up their own awareness, and they need to be reacting to every single instance of bullying that's going on.  Further, as has been suggested by one of the members of the facebook blog page, there should be an active anti-bullying club in every single school around the country.  It is up to us, the grieving families and friends as well as  the concerned citizens, to start holding these officials accountable.  To keep saying that "more needs to be done" is an empty statement if we don't have people willing to step up and start forcing the issue.

This has become a runaway train.  What I want to see in my lifetime is real action being taken to prevent these egregious events from continuing to happen.  There are people who are now saying that they're tired of reading about these teen suicides.  They're missing the point.  I don't love writing about another teen who took their life.  It's something that needs to be done.  It's something that needs to be done because every single person needs to be made aware that this is an enormous problem...in this country, and around the world.  Without awareness, even less would be getting done that it is today.  That's completely unacceptable.  

I wish I didn't have to write this article about you, Tori.  You should still be here, enjoying your youth.  Rest in peace.