More on the Chardon Tragedy

Sadly, a third student has lost his life after yesterday's shooting at an Ohio high school.  As expected, as the story continues to unfold, details are emerging, and it's a tightly wound ball of confusion.  According to a published report today, the prosecutor, David Joyce, says that bullying wasn't a factor in the shooting, that Thomas "TJ" Lane has admitted to taking the .22 caliber gun, and a knife, into the school Monday morning and randomly shooting his victims.  Yet, in an article also released just today, "students say Thomas was shy and targeted by bullies."  Again, the pieces of this puzzle are still being sorted and spread across the kitchen table as authorities try to put it all together.

In the court of public opinion, the pendulum has swayed from the "bullying must end" sentiment to the "he's an animal" wrath.  The bullying card is apparently still in the deck.  And, with all due respect to the victims and their families, (and, with my deepest sympathies and sincerest condolences), the early indication is that TJ is not "an animal", either.  Rather, there are apparent deep-rooted mental health issues in play here.

What is emerging is that Thomas Lane is a troubled young man.  Tumultuous family life, with his parents divorcing when he was young, and his father spending substantial time behind bars for abusing women, amongst other things, including TJ's mother.  One of the things that was pointed out from the beginning was that Lane had been looking into information about depression.  Did he WANT help but couldn't find it?  That answer is yet to come.

I return to my original assertion that somebody, ANYBODY!, should've taken his tweets from the previous day seriously.  He allegedly tweeted that he was going to "bring a gun to school".  No one took him seriously.  If any one person would've, this could've been prevented.  Would've, could've.  But, it goes beyond even that.  According to news reports, and as stated in the original post, Lane had posted dark status updates to his facebook page that, again, apparently no one paid attention to.  Gregg Jantz, a psychologist and mental health author from Seattle, says that Lane's Facebook post from December should have triggered a red flag with any adult who saw it.

"That kind of writing is warning sign of an impending disaster," Jantz told The Huffington Post. "We don't need anything more. He was forecasting his struggles right there."

If we are to avoid tragedies like Chardon High School, if we're to start preventing teen suicides, it's absolutely essential that we pay close attention to what's being said.  And, done.  There ARE warning signs.  It is imperative that every one of us pay attention to the red flags as they pop up.  And, they will pop up.

I posted this link in an earlier blog post about depression:  I think this would be a very effective tool for educating about depression.  I believe this program should be implemented in every school across the country, and around the world.  There's no way to have enough tools available to fight what's going on with today's youth.  That said, I strongly encourage every one to push to get this program implemented in your local schools.  If you're parents, if you have younger siblings, if you have friends who could be at risk, wouldn't you feel better knowing that everyone in their school is being educated about depression and how to deal with it?  I know it would certainly give me a little peace of mind.  It's also a valuable tool to have in the home.  Home is absolutely where all of this begins.  Unfortunately, "home" failed Thomas Lane.  And, as a result, three families must struggle to make sense of the madness that claimed their loved one's life.  As a result, the small community of Chardon, Ohio has been changed forever. 

Rest in peace:

• Daniel Parmertor
• Russell King, Jr.
• Demetrius Hewlin

Preventable Tragedy in Chardon, Ohio

This morning, in a sleepy town 30 mile east of Cleveland, Ohio, 17-year-old Thomas "TJ" Lane opened fire on some of his high school classmates, injuring five.  One of the five was fatally wounded.  There's an unconfirmed report that a second victim has also died.  It has been reported on a Cleveland news channel although no details were given.  Yet another of the victims is still in critical condition.

Initially, the reports were that "TJ" had been bullied by this group of students that he obviously targeted in his rampage.  I personally heard a news report that said that the alleged gunman confessed to stealing the handgun from his uncle and that he'd been "picked on" and bullied by this group for a long time.  Conversely, there was this quote from one of his fellow students:  “Even though he was quiet, he still had friends,” said Tyler Lillash, 16. “He was not bullied.”  I will add here that in a recent suicide, there were those who admonished that, despite what I'd reported, the victim was not bullied when, in fact, he had been.

What's harrowing about this great, life-changing tragedy is that the warning signs were in place.  Reportedly, TJ posted on his twitter just last night that "I'm bringing a gun to school".  And, as a response to that, as a Washington, D.C. news outlet reported, one boy tweeted that he'd probably be one of the first ones to get shot because he'd always been mean to [TJ].  Lots of unanswered questions.  What is known is that there has been a dark side to TJ that has gone unchecked.  A check of his facebook account suggested that he, himself, was interested in learning more about clinical depression.  I've been saying for a while that it's so vital that we as adults pay attention to what's being said.  No one took TJ seriously when he tweeted about bringing a gun to school.  No one paid attention to the dark posts he made on his facebook page or that he was looking to learn more about depression.  Now, there's one confirmed death in this unfortunate event and unconfirmed reports of a second.  If someone, ANYONE!, had paid attention and taken that tweet or facebook posts seriously, 16-year-old Daniel Parmertor may still be alive today.

If it's, in fact, true that Thomas Lane had been bullied, this wouldn't be the first time that the bullied took matters into his own hands rather than commit suicide.  Just recently, a Florida youth was found not guilty in the murder of a teen who had allegedly been bullying him.  In 2001, I followed the story of a young man who had been bullied at his Maryland school.  His father moved him to a San Diego suburb to get him away from the torment.  However, the bullying continued there as well.  He took a gun to school and killed two of his bullies.  As with Lane, this young man had told someone the day before that he was going to take a gun to school.  He wasn't taken seriously.  As a result, three young lives were lost:  two boys lost their lives, and the shooter will spend the rest of his life in prison.

If bullying was, indeed, the driving force behind this, there cannot be louder wake-up call.  What that would clearly indicate would be that not only are we losing young lives to bullying because of suicides but also because, in cases like this one, the one in Florida, and the one in the San Diego suburb, sometimes the bully, themselves, pay the ultimate price with their own lives.  In either case, it's an unthinkable tragedy, one that can be prevented.

What can we do to prevent life-altering events such as what happened in Ohio today from happening again?  There's a laundry list of things that needs to be done to prevent this from happening again:

• BULLYING MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!  It's a serious issue that is claiming lives at a break-neck pace.  NO LONGER is "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids" acceptable.  
• Listen to what these young people are saying.  Remember:  hearing and listening are two completely different functions.  In far too many cases, these troubled young people are screaming out at the top of their lungs, like Andy Williams did in San Diego, but no one listens to them.  So, to get their troubled voices heard, they act out.  The result of that action is rarely good.
• Pay attention to the mental health of your child or even a troubled young person you may know from your neighborhood or through your own child.  I'm no professional, but I would bet that very rarely do events like we witnessed today happen out-of-the-blue.  There are always warning signs.  We have to pay attention, however, in order to see them.  
• Understand that bullying and depression can be a disastrous combination.  It was that combination that claimed Jamie Hubley's life last year.  It was the combination that caused Andy Williams to go on his rampant is the San Diego suburb in 2001.  And, according to early reports, odds are that it played a role today in Chardon, Ohio.

All of this is so very preventable.  What happened in San Diego in March of 2001 didn't have to happen; what happened in Chardon, Ohio today didn't have to happen.  Life will never, ever be the same for the people of that small town in northeast Ohio.  The young people who witnessed the horrifying act will see it play out in their mind's eye for the rest of their lives.  And, as was the case in Santee, California back in 2001, three families have lost their beloved young ones forever.  To the people of Chardon, I wish you godspeed in your recovery and healing.  To the families of the victims, may you find peace.  The world mourns with you.

Massacre in Chardon, Ohio

This morning, in a sleepy town 30 mile east of Cleveland, Ohio, 17-year-old Thomas "TJ" Lane opened fire on some of his high school classmates, injuring five.  One of the five was fatally wounded.  There's an unconfirmed report that a second victim has also died.  It has been reported on a Cleveland news channel although no details were given.  Yet another of the victims is still in critical condition.

Initially, the reports were that "TJ" had been bullied by this group of students that he obviously targeted in his rampage.  I personally heard a news report that said that the alleged gunman confessed to stealing the handgun from his uncle and that he'd been "picked on" and bullied by this group for a long time.  Conversely, there was this quote from one of his fellow students:  “Even though he was quiet, he still had friends,” said Tyler Lillash, 16. “He was not bullied.”  I will add here that in a recent suicide, there were those who admonished that, despite what I'd reported, the victim was not bullied when, in fact, he had been.

What's harrowing about this great, life-changing tragedy is that the warning signs were in place.  Reportedly, TJ posted on his twitter just last night that "I'm bringing a gun to school".  And, as a response to that, as a Washington, D.C. news outlet reported, one boy tweeted that he'd probably be one of the first ones to get shot because he'd always been mean to [TJ].  Lots of unanswered questions.  What is known is that there has been a dark side to TJ that has gone unchecked.  A check of his facebook account suggested that he, himself, was interested in learning more about clinical depression.  I've been saying for a while that it's so vital that we as adults pay attention to what's being said.  No one took TJ seriously when he tweeted about bringing a gun to school.  No one paid attention to the dark posts he made on his facebook page or that he was looking to learn more about depression.  Now, there's one confirmed death in this unfortunate event and unconfirmed reports of a second.  If someone, ANYONE!, had paid attention and taken that tweet or facebook posts seriously, 16-year-old Daniel Parmertor may still be alive today.

If it's, in fact, true that Thomas Lane had been bullied, this wouldn't be the first time that the bullied took matters into his own hands rather than commit suicide.  Just recently, a Florida youth was found not guilty in the murder of a teen who had allegedly been bullying him.  In 2001, I followed the story of a young man who had been bullied at his Maryland school.  His father moved him to a San Diego suburb to get him away from the torment.  However, the bullying continued there as well.  He took a gun to school and killed two of his bullies.  As with Lane, this young man had told someone the day before that he was going to take a gun to school.  He wasn't taken seriously.  As a result, three young lives were lost:  two boys lost their lives, and the shooter will spend the rest of his life in prison.

If bullying was, indeed, the driving force behind this, there cannot be louder wake-up call.  What that would clearly indicate would be that not only are we losing young lives to bullying because of suicides but also because, in cases like this one, the one in Florida, and the one in the San Diego suburb, sometimes the bully, themselves, pay the ultimate price with their own lives.  In either case, it's an unthinkable tragedy, one that can be prevented. 

What can we do to prevent life-altering events such as what happened in Ohio today from happening again?  There's a laundry list of things that needs to be done to prevent this from happening again:

• BULLYING MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!  It's a serious issue that is claiming lives at a break-neck pace.  NO LONGER is "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids" acceptable.  
• Listen to what these young people are saying.  Remember:  hearing and listening are two completely different functions.  In far too many cases, these troubled young people are screaming out at the top of their lungs, like Andy Williams did in San Diego, but no one listens to them.  So, to get their troubled voices heard, they act out.  The result of that action is rarely good.
• Pay attention to the mental health of your child or even a troubled young person you may know from your neighborhood or through your own child.  I'm no professional, but I would bet that very rarely do events like we witnessed today happen out-of-the-blue.  There are always warning signs.  We have to pay attention, however, in order to see them.  
• Understand that bullying and depression can be a disastrous combination.  It was that combination that claimed Jamie Hubley's life last year.  It was the combination that caused Andy Williams to go on his rampant is the San Diego suburb in 2001.  And, according to early reports, odds are that it played a role today in Chardon, Ohio.

All of this is so very preventable.  What happened in San Diego in March of 2001 didn't have to happen; what happened in Chardon, Ohio today didn't have to happen.  Life will never, ever be the same for the people of that small town in northeast Ohio.  The young people who witnessed the horrifying act will see it play out in their mind's eye for the rest of their lives.  And, as was the case in Santee, California back in 2001, three families have lost their beloved young ones forever.  To the people of Chardon, I wish you godspeed in your recovery and healing.  To the families of the victims, may you find peace.  The world mourns with you.

Is There Such Thing as TOO MUCH Emphasis on Teen Suicide?

Incredible question, right?  Yet, I was recently told just that.  Actually, on one of the social networking pages that I was running, I was booted by the original owner of the page because I was putting too much emphasis on LGBT teen suicides.  TOO MUCH EMPHASIS!? 

Research shows, clearly, that LGBT youth attempt suicide up to 4 times as often as their hetero counterparts.  We witness all-too-often another LGBT teen suicide in the news.  That says that there isn't ENOUGH emphasis being put on the matter.

(as a side note, I was told by the owner of the page that "I'm all for gay-related issues...I have lots of gay friends."  That's akin, in my mind, to the old catch phrase "hey, I'm not racist.  I've got a black friend.")

Just in the past month, we've seen in the news how certain politicians are attempting to pass bills that would make life even more difficult for LGBT students.  Stacey Campfield, (R) Tennessee, is determined to get his "Don't Say Gay" bill passed in a district that already has an anti-bullying law in place that excludes discrimination because of sexual orientation.  The teen, and primarily LGBT teen suicide rate in Michele Bachmann's district got so bad, a national publication thankfully ran a must-read article about it.  There are jurisdictions in this country that are still attempting to pass bills that would sanction the bullying of LGBT teens by adding the language that would permit the bullying if it's done for "religious, philosophical, or political beliefs."  That's amazing in this day and age.  And, I can't put enough emphasis on the issue of LGBT teen bullying and suicides.

To be fair and see things through her eyes, the owner of the page I was running points out that there's many different forms of bullying:  bullying in the workplace and domestic violence.  That's very true.  There IS an issue of bullying in the workplace.  And, domestic violence is very much a serious issue.  Bullying on all levels needs to be addressed.  We have a tendency to be a very mean-spirited people.  My only point, which I stand by, was that mixing all of them together in one place would be awkward, at best.  A community for ending domestic violence?  I'm on board.  Bullying in the workplace?  Sign me up.  Teen, and especially LGBT teen bullying and suicide.  I will die on the front line of that battle.  What rattled me, and rattles me still, was being told that I was putting too much emphasis on the issue.  There's no such thing as the Easter Bunny; there's no such thing as the Tooth Fairy; there's no such thing as too much emphasis on LGBT bullying and suicides.

"Bully" (UPDATED)

There's a powerful movie coming out in March called "Bully".  Since this blog pertains to that subject, and its tragic results, I'm sure many people who read this blog are already aware of its impending release.  Judging by the trailer, alone, it's a must-see movie.  What I'm not sure everyone is aware of is that the MPAA, that autonomous group of people who decides what is appropriate for us to watch, has deemed "Bully" inappropriate for teens to watch without parental supervision.

UPDATE:  Incredibly,  someone left a comment to this blog post chastising me for calling a film that I haven't seen yet a "must-see" movie.  Well, let's see:  of the five youngsters who were featured in the movie, two have already committed suicide.  That, to me, makes it a "must-see".  This issue is real; the people in the movie aren't actors.

On the surface, this isn't a bad thing:  this is one of those movies that parents should watch with their kids so that they can have an open dialogue afterwards.  The problem with the rating is that it assures that the movie will not be screened where it needs to be seen the most:  in the classroom, where the worlds of the bullies and the bullied collide.  The precise audience that really needs to see this won't be able to unless their mommy or daddy takes the to see it.  Why?  Because, according to MPAA, "Bully" contains strong language.  See, in their world, they still pretend that teens don't hear, or USE, that kind of language.  I haven't seen the movie, yet, so I don't know just how strong the "strong language" is.  However, I would bet that it's no stronger than anything they're not already hearing in school.  Or, in some cases, even at home, for that matter.  Does that make it right?  No.  Does it make it reality?  Yes.

Here's the issue, as I see it:  this is a movie that desperately needs to be viewed in every school across this country and around the world.  The classroom is the perfect "theatre" for this film, for reasons stated earlier.  That's bringing both sides together on the battlefield in an effort to end the war.  That's showing the aggressor, the bully, the consequences of his/her deeds.  The impact would be potentially enormous.  Forget the language!  Lives are being lost.

To be sure, two of the five teens featured in this movie have committed suicide already.  That, alone, speaks volumes to the need for this to be viewed, universally, in the classroom.  Perhaps the members of the MPAA aren't attuned to the severity of the situation.   The Weinstein Group, producers of the movie, has already met with the MPAA in an effort to convince them to reverse their decision.  No dice.  What will it take?  More teen suicides?  The suicide of a teen close to them because of bullying?  I don't know that answer.  What I do know is that this problem is real.  This is a problem that needs to be addressed.  And, make no mistake:  there are efforts worldwide to address it.  Now, we need people like MPAA to stop putting up roadblocks to slow down the movement.

UPDATE:  Since posting this article, there has been a petition set in motion to attempt to get the MPAA to reverse their rating.  This is, without a doubt, a movie that HAS to be shown in classrooms across the country and around the world.   With enough signatures, we can show the MPAA that a little "strong language" pales in comparison to having another family lose their child to bullying.  So, it is my hope that everyone who reads this will SIGN THE PETITION.

There are a lot of wonderful things going on across the country and around the world as people, young and old, are speaking out and making a strong effort to do what our leaders have so far failed to do:  rid this world of bullying once and for all.  "Kids will be kids"?  Save it.  Too many lives are being lost from "kids being kids".  "Bullying will never end?"  I agree, as long as there are people willing to accept that backwards philosophy.  I'm a believer that anything is possible if your willing to work hard for it.  

Too Close to Home

Those of you who know me know about my surrogate son, Marty.  He's a wonderful, very sensitive, sometimes obnoxious 22-year-old.  Tonight, I received a panic-laden phone call from him that went like this:

"Ron.  I've got a very serious problem, and I don't know what to do.  My friend, 'Carol' just told me that she wants to die and that she took 50 sleeping pills.  What should I do?"

He gets flustered easily.  This time it was warranted.  Being as closely involved with this anti-suicide mission as I've been since the onset of this blog paid huge dividends.  I knew exactly what needed to be done.

"You need to get off the phone with me and call the police immediately!  Tell them exactly what you just told me.  Give them all of the information you can about where she is right now."

Reluctantly, he hung up and followed directions to the "t".  "Reluctantly" because he didn't know what to expect from his friend.   "Reluctantly" because dealing with the authorities makes him nervous.  I guess.  Whatever the reservations, he got the job done.  Shortly thereafter, the police called back and told him that they'd contacted his friend Carol and that she'd told them that she was just fine.  This was confusing.

There was also some apprehension on his part because he knows his friend and knows that, well, she's cried wolf before.  In fact, he became a bit agitated.  I reminded him that "this is not about you; it's about Carol.  What if she's telling you the truth?  What if she really did take the pills.  You cannot chance the possibility that she COULD be telling you the truth this time."

A phone call from her confirmed that she had, indeed, told him the truth.  He could hear the grogginess in her voice.  He called the police again.  This time armed with an address he could give them, they were able to send a squad car to her home.

They reached her before the pills had time to take full affect.  Stomach pumped, Carol is now recovering in a local hospital.  An exhausted, dazed and confused Marty helped save his friend's life.  Of course, never to miss out on a dramatic moment, now he's concerned that she's going to be mad at him when she gets out of the hospital.  He's concerned that his actions tonight may have ended their friendship.

For myself, this was a learning experience, given up close and personal.  First of all, knowing what to do when you're faced with an in-the-moment crisis is absolutely crucial.  If someone has already swallowed a bottle of pills, or is standing in front of you with a gun in their hand pointed at their head, there's no margin for error.  Knowing what to do in the heat of the moment is imperative.  This is why I repeatedly list resources that can be used if ever faced with that situation:

Suicide Support
STOP Teenage Suicide
Befrienders
1-800-273-8255(TALK)

Needless to say, there are more resources available.  However, having these handy will save lives if used.  And, of course, if the urgency is there (as was the case with Carol), dialing 911 is critical.

When do you take a suicide threat as a bluff?  Easy answer:  never.  Even in a case where you know that the person has a history of crying wolf, or is prone to drama, you never know when "this" would be the time when they're telling the truth.  Had Marty followed his intuition, and his history of dealing with Carol, chances are pretty good that she'd be gone, now.  This wouldn't be the first time I've dealt with someone who raised questions as to whether or not they were being sincere or just having fun at my expense.  However, I treated each case as if they had the loaded Glock pointed at their head as we spoke.  There is no alternative.  We don't have a choice.

People who have suicidal ideation have no intent or desire to wake up in the hospital.  I surely didn't.  And, I was quite unhappy to wake up in ICU and learn that a.) I was still here; and, b.) that my sister had saved me.  Unhappy, yes.  Mad at her?  No.  Conversely, I do know that there are times when the unsuccessful suicide victim becomes very angry towards the person(s) who saved them.  They get over it.  Eventually, they come to the understanding that life is good and that they're glad that someone intervened.  When a person is to the point in their life where the only viable option to them is suicide, they've given up all hope for any semblance of a bright future, of being happy, of things actually getting better.  To have someone "ruin" their well-thought out plan of suicide is maddening.  The bright side is that, as time goes on, we start putting the pieces of our lives back together.  All of a sudden, new opportunities arise and we see hope for a brighter future.  We get in touch with things that make us happy...maybe even learn some new things that accomplishes that goal.  Little-by-little, things actually do start to get better.  And, that's when we realize how happy, and grateful, we are that someone had the courage to risk our relationship for that sake of saving our life.

It probably won't set in with Marty for quite some time the role he played tonight in Carol's life.  Without him, her family would most likely be making funeral arrangements right now.  Because of him, they've possibly been saved, even if only for now, from a lifetime of debilitating grief.  I'm mighty proud of him.

It's feels good to write a happy ending.

Spencer Watson Seupel 1990-2012

Making sense of a suicide is a daunting task at best.  In many, if not most, cases, it's an impossible one.  Friday, Spencer Watson Seupel, 21, ended what promised to be a brilliant, productive, happy life.  He wasn't bullied.  There's no indication anywhere of him being gay.  Still, in a moment of impulsivity, he's gone.

Spencer's suicide was the result of binge drinking.  Alcohol.  That cunning, and quite legal, drug that claims thousands of lives annually.  At the root of the suicide, however, was something deeper.  I certainly cannot tell the story any better than his own mother.  It's a very compelling story, indeed.

In the media, and in the circles of social media, we hear a lot about bullying as it pertains to young people ending their lives.  And, make no mistake, bullying is an issue that demands a lot of immediate attention as it truly is playing a large role in many, many teen suicide.  However, bullying is not the only reason young people commit suicide.  Understanding that is a vital baby step in the right direction.  Knowing some of the other issues that leads young people to feel suicide is the only answer is an essential quantum leap in that same direction.

Depression has been named in many teen suicides even since I began this blog in November.  In some instances, even if there's been bullying, depression was the actual root.  The bullying simply exacerbated an already volatile situation.  Understanding depression isn't restricted to just the psychiatric field by any stretch.  We can educate ourselves, as well.  We can, and we must if we're to save lives.  But, the vast majority of us are not professionals in the field of mental health.  Therefore, how would we know?  How could we spot it?  And, better still, what do we do when we do recognize it?  That's where educating ourselves comes in. 

See, if we're to truly make a difference, if we're really serious about bringing about change, it's going to take so much more than just ranting about how bad it is that all these beautiful young souls are killing themselves or how horrifying it is that these young people are being bullied.  And, that's not said in a derogatory manner by any means.  I do as much ranting as any two people combined!  That said, and beyond the ranting, it's going to take real action if we're to rein this back in.  It can be done.

Sometimes, something as simple as a kind word, or an attentive ear can make a difference in a young person's life.  Far too many of these young people feel disconnected, a sense of worthlessness even as their families and friends surround and shower them with love and attention.  Self-esteem appears to be a major factor.  So, giving them positive reinforcements regularly helps bolster their low sense of worth.  As non-professionals, we can still help reverse that by reminding them, constantly, of the positives in their lives.

For Spencer, perhaps it was a mixture of all the above.  Certainly, the drug we call alcohol delivered the final blow.  But, there were already mechanisms in place that created the environment, if only in his own mind, that made Spencer feel suicide was the answer.  His loving family is left to attempt to put the pieces of this puzzle together.  I hope Spencer can now find the peace that eluded him here on Earth.

Stopping Intolerance in Tennessee

As I was preparing to leave the house to go to work, I ran across this post from a girl who regularly posts in one of my favorite facebook communities.  It stopped me in my tracks.

I ask everyone to check this out. This is my home state, and I believe this bill will negativly effect the LGBT youth in TN. This will also prevent any LBGT facing discrimination to seek a supportive teacher for information. The bill has already been passed by the senate and the K-12 subcommittee. Give 'em call? 

It grabbed my attention because I love the things she posts in this particular community, so I always pay attention when I see her name.  It grabbed my attention because I've already written about Stacey Campfield's myopic bill that he's trying to push through legislation in Tennessee.  And, I've posted links to a petition put in place to get this bill killed.  This particular bill, dubbed the "Don't Say Gay" bill will have a devastating effect on the LGBT students in their school system, in a state that has already had 2 LGBT teen suicides since early December.  So, I will post the link to the petition again and hope that every single person who reads this article will sign it.  Remember Power in Numbers?  We can change things.

By clicking the link in her post, "check this out", you will see a list of phone numbers to call and voice your complaints and opinions.  Wouldn't it be great to find out that their switchboards were overloaded with incoming calls on this matter!?  Whatever it takes.

Call it a "Call To Action"; call it "getting involved".  Whatever.  I called it zero tolerance for intolerance and hatred.  This is "bullying" at a high level.  We can stop it if we all work together.

Student Attacked for Writing Pro-Gay Article

This is particularly troubling because it didn't happen in middle-school.  It wasn't high-school.  This happened on a college campus!  Destinie Mogg-Barkalow, a student journalist at Bridgewater State University in Bridgewater, Massachusetts, wrote a pro-gay article about Proposition 8: "Prop 8 Generates More Hate".  And, for this, she was attacked on campus.  Apparently, the young lady who punched Destinie doesn't agree with same-sex marriage. That's tolerable.  Using violence for any reason isn't.

For the record, her article, "Prop 8 Generates More Hate", is very well written and makes valid points.  Nothing inflammatory.  Just the same, points and questions many of us have been thinking, saying, and asking all along...just with Destinie's point-of-view.  And, for that, she was attacked.

The level of intolerance in this case is incredible.  Incredible, but not necessarily surprising.  See, one thing I've been saying since even before the blog is that the rhetoric from "the other side" is extremely dangerous.  It's inflammatory by design.  It's used to rile up their base, their followers.  The problem with that is it leads to violence.  There will always be someone amongst their minions who will feel it their duty to take the message of hate and intolerance that they've been hearing to the next level.  "I'm gonna take matters in my own hand."  Or, worse, "I'm doing God's will".  And, that's when a young college student/journalist, who voices her opinion in the school newspaper, gets attacked.  That's when LGBT teens get attacked at middle- and high-school.  The message that has been ingrained in them, from their "religious" leaders and parents is that if it goes against their religious belief, then it's abhorrent and a threat to their very existence.  What we end up with then is hatred in the name of God.  And, THAT'S a sin!  Worse:  it's blasphemous.  Anything on the other side of their door of acceptance is a threat to their very existence and is to be hated. 

It is completely ok to believe in what you believe in.  That's everyone's right under the U.S. Constitution.  Theoretically, at least.  It is absolutely NEVER ok for anyone to force their religious beliefs down another person's throat.  Whatever happened to freedom of religion?  Who says that your religion is the only one with "the right answers"?  Who are you to decide who's condemned to Hell, or not, in accordance to your religious beliefs?  Why do we, as a people, continue to put religious fanatics in political power and then complain when they start attempting to legislate their religious beliefs?  "The Other Side" likes to tout that they're against the government interfering in people's lives.  Really?  Then, why are they so passionately concerned about who loves whom, or who marries whom?  Why is their focus so acutely attuned to the same-sex marriage issue when we have an economy in shambles, unacceptable unemployment rates, people homeless and hungry.  One would think that those things would be more important for them to focus on rather than who's loving whom.

Destinie should've never been attacked.  She wrote an excellent op-ed piece about something she felt passionate about.  Freedom of speech.  But, because their opinions obviously didn't match, some girl decided to attack Destinie for voicing her opinion.  The case is being investigated as a hate crime.  As well it should.

Bullying of a Different Color

I just read an article about racism within the gay community that opened the box of a lot of ugly memories.

I remember my twink days well.  At one point, I was having a fling with another, fellow twink who was white.  It was, well...we were young.  Then, he met this other guy who was slightly older than myself.  And, also white.  They immediately hit it off and started to "fling", themselves.  Then came the cruising of the clubs.  Then came the phone conversation:  "Well, David and I were talking, and we both decided that we're too good to waste ourselves on a black guy."  Needless to say, I'll never forget that phone call.  Or, the deep hurt I felt from being told I wasn't good enough because of my skin tone.

I remember, also from my twink days, and after being blown off by my former partner because I was black and, in his own words, unworthy, going to a gay club downtown.  It was a very popular club at the time and was packed to the gills.  Shortly after arriving, I saw him:  my Mr. Right!  Six-feet, lean, blond and blue.  With a smile that wouldn't quit.  My first thought was "I'm taking him home tonight".  I made strong eye contact with him while he was, um, working, and we exchanged pleasantries.  "Win!!!", I thought.  I thought wrong.  At the end of the day, he went home with a man roughly twice my age, at least a half-foot shorter but easily 75-100 lbs heavier. (close your eyes and envision THAT!)  Oh, did I say that he was also white?  So, once again, the reinforcement was there:  I'm inferior because of my skin-tone.

Fast forward to San Francisco, 1986.  I'm no longer a twink, but I'm still young, and still a lean, very handsome (so I was told), athletic man.  Black man.  I had a lot of acquaintances in the Polk Gulch area with whom I socialized with regularly.  One night, five of us had been out just enjoying the evening:  couple of beers, lots of laughs, fun stuff.  One suggested that we go back to his place and have an orgy.  I couldn't believe my ears!!!!  Everyone was in agreement.  So, off we merrily go.  His apartment was only a few blocks away, on Sutter.  Upon entering his apartment, he turned to me and said "Sorry, you're not invited.  This is for white guys, only."  He may as well have pulled out a .45 and shot me in between the eyes.  I cannot even explain how hurt I was, or how low I felt upon hearing that, once again, my skin-tone had rendered me unworthy.(I will say, though, that one of the guys strongly objected to the host's exhibition of racist ignorance, told the host so, and we had our own fun for the evening.  Still, the damage had been done.)

In this article, they speak of racism within the gay community as if it's a new trend.  As you have just read, it's nowhere near a new thing.  It's a large reason why I disengaged myself from "the gay community" long ago.  Those three instances alone proved to me, beyond a doubt, that I didn't have a place within the community.  Well, I guess I did as long as I kept myself segregated.  To my disadvantage, in this case, I just happened to be born "color-blind".  Even in today's world, it still exists.  Maybe, because of the far-reaching instantaneousness of the Internet, even to a greater extent.  I've checked out several of the online dating sites and, lo and behold, the ones I've found attractive have profiles that clearly states that I'm not in their realm of attraction.  Even with those who list their wider diversity, "black" is not one of their suitable preferences.

I found it quite telling, this segment taken from the article:

"After having a few drinks with my friend, I walk home through the garment district in midtown Manhattan. I see a gay male couple walking hand in hand down the street... Their relaxed and happy faces turn frightened when they see me, and they immediately cease holding hands and separate. On this late night in an unfamiliar area of the city, I am not seen as a member of the LGBT community. I am black. I am male. I am a threat."

That's a snapshot of the real world.

So, what does this have to do with the anti-bullying, stop-teen-suicide campaign that I've immersed myself in?  Do you think that all gay teens are white?  Well, the obvious answer is "of course not".  Like the symbol of our pride, they are every color of the rainbow, so to speak.  So, what happens when young, black Tony falls in love with white Michael only to have Michael tell him "I'm too good to waste myself on a black guy"?  Will that be the straw to break the proverbial camel's back?  Wouldn't those words be a form of bullying?  If your answer is yes to either, the battle is even tougher than first realized.  But, to further complicate matters, how exactly does one address this issue?  Do we teach the black and minority LGBT teens that they've got yet another battle they'll have to fight, and this foe will come from within the ranks of the LGBT community?  Well, that will go over well.  Do we tell they the black and minority LGBT teen that (s)he may as well forget about finding a partner outside of their race because, in the LGBT community, white is king?  What exactly is the answer?  We're begging, no demanding!!!, that the world start treating us, the LGBT community, as equals.  As well it should!  Yet, we don't even treat our own as equals. 

The last piece of the article was, I think, my favorite.  It speaks volumes.

"We all have 'preferences' and that's certainly our right," he says. "But we don't have a right to make people feel inferior because they look different from us— any more than straight people have a right to make us feel inferior because of who we choose to love. Not in this day and age. Not after all we've gone through. Not anymore."

 We have a lot of work to do.

Drew Ferraro's Family Fights Back Against Bullying

With the grief still raw from his suicide, the family of Drew Ferraro has decided to join the fight to end bullying.  At a memorial service held for their gone-too-soon son, they handed out business cards with Drew's image on one side, and the numbers for suicide prevention as well as the email address for a couple of websites to stop bullying.  None of this will help bring back Drew, of course, but their aim is to do everything they can to assure that no family ever has to go through the devastation that they're experiencing.

This is what it's going to take.  It's going to take more families getting involved and demanding change.  No child, ever, should be bullied...period.  As an extension, however, no child certainly should ever have to feel like the only way to get away from the bullying is to end his or her life.  That's why I write these articles.  That's why so many people are getting involved with such a critically essential struggle:  this has to end now!

We are already painfully aware that the officials, be it school officials, law enforcement, or even some politicians, are more than willing to turn a blind eye to the problem.  Indeed, the statement from the La Cresenta law enforcement was that "their investigation" showed no evidence of bullying.  In fact, he defiantly added "I know there has been a lot of speculation about bullying -- it had nothing to do with that."  Apparently, their investigation was in the wrong places.  It was reported here from the beginning that Drew Ferraro ended his life because of bullying.  Now certainly isn't the time or place for "I told you so", and that's not my intent; however, if friends and family say that it was caused by bullying, it just doesn't matter what the school officials or law enforcers say.  They're simply trying to cover their own asses.  Those closest to the victims, those left to pick up the pieces, will certainly know better than the "officials" what happened to their loved one.

It's up to us, the concerned citizens of the world community, to make the changes that are necessary to bring this woeful chapter to an abrupt end.  A lot is being done.  And, progress is being made.  Just not fast enough.  Certainly not fast enough to save Drew Ferraro's life or any other of the dozens of teens who have taken their own lives because of bullying just this year alone.  Dozens!!  Today is only the 49th day of the year!!!  Can you see the urgency?

These are links and numbers everyone should have handy at all times:
WHOF's Suicide Support page
STOP Teenage Suicide
Stop Bullying website
1-800-273-TALK(8255)

No child, gay or straight, black or white, fat, skinny, Martian, or otherwise should ever, EVER, be put in a position where they feel that ending their life is the only hope they have for the bullying to end.  At the end of the program handed out by Drew's family at his memorial get-together were the words "Zero Tolerance against Bullying".  Where have you read that before?

Payton Ruth Anne Richardson Was Only 12-Year-Old

What's really heartbreaking is that, during a time when there is such a strong, positive movement going on worldwide, we're still having young people end their lives.  Sunday, February 12, 2012, 12-year-old Payton Ruth Anne Richardson ended her young life.  Her friends say, for sure, that it was due to bullying.  The school superintendent says "there was no indication of bullying".  With the climate being what it is around the world right now, that's exactly what one would expect him to say.  I, for one, would have to believe those close to her before believing the paid official.  Whatever happened, the outcome is the tragic same.  This beautiful 12-year-old child is gone.

Immediately, one of her friends posted a video on youtube both as a tribute to her fallen friend and as a social message that's been resonating around the globe for the past few months:  STOP BULLYING!!!  It's heartwarming to know that this was done by our future, the ones who will be leading our country, and world!, soon enough.  I'm beginning to think that THEY get it better than a lot of our adults do, and that's a frightening reality.  I strongly encourage you to not just watch this video, but share it as well.  The message is powerful as it is coming from a close friend of someone who has just left this world.

YOU can prevent bullying.  Don't sit around and watch it happen.  TAKE ACTION!!!

The message can't be any clearer.

To be sure, much is being done right now.  I can attest to the fact that there are people all around the globe doing huge and wonderful things as means to an end, with that "end" being the eradication of bullying and bullycide.  However, until we've actually seen the end of it, much more still needs to be done.  We need more people doing their part to bring this to an end.  We need everyone working in concert, with one crystal-clear goal:  TO END BULLYCIDES...once and for all.  We need to continue to reach out, but that's not enough, either.  We also need to keep the pressure on every school district, and every politician, to implement stronger anti-bullying measures AND enforce them.  Until this ends, we need to be vigilant.

In the meantime, we need to know, immediately!, where to go to get the resources needed if we're "in the moment" or if we suspect that bullying is taking place.  As Kim Towne said TAKE ACTION!!!

Here's a list of resources to keep handy:

STOP Teenage Suicide
WHOF's Suicide Support
ABC:  Anti-Bullying Coalition
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Befrienders
How To Identify and Deal With Bullying (pdf)

To the family and friends of Payton Ruth Anne Richardson, my heart goes out to you.  I wish you peace and comfort in what is sure to be the most heartwrenching time of your lives.  May you now be at peace, Payton.

Love Your Children (No Matter What)

I just read a comment left on a previous blog entry, and it struck me that that was the perfect message to expound upon with this being Valentine's Day.

I'm straight, I have 2 kids. I spoke to them about all aspects of sexuality at several stages in their lives. I assured them that if they were gay or straight, nothing would change my love for them, why would it?? Both of my kids are straight. My daughter had the opportunity to support a close friend of hers, who had a strict religious upbringing. He felt brave enough to come forward because of that support. He doesn't have to hide who he is, and his parents actually get to know what a great kid they have!! You owe it to your children, to let them know early on that you will respect there choices. I would do anything to protect my children, and ensuring them they are loved and accepted is the ultimate gift you can give.

Strong message.  Unfortunately, as was the case with EricJames Borges, that doesn't always happen.  Too often, parents allow their own prejudices, intolerance, and myopic views come between themselves and their teens who are struggling to be accepted just for who they are.  Just the other day, a teenager posted:

All parents should be aware that when they mock or curse gay people, they may be mocking or cursing their own child. 

That is a message I've been stating for years.  I'm afraid that, especially in the so-called Bible Belt region, this plays out far too often.  The problem with that, of course, is that there will always be emotionally wounded teens left in its wake.  They've heard, probably for as long as they can remember, mommy and daddy rant about how sick or perverted or immoral or even "disgusting" gays and lesbians are.  And, of course, mommy and daddy never once took the time to recognize the fact that their own son or daughter could be one of the very people they're ostracizing.  Meanwhile, with each word cutting through them like a dagger, the LGBT teen is slowly but surely being killed by the ones who gave them life.  The ones who are supposed to love them no matter what.  Of course, when I say "being killed", I don't necessarily mean literally.  There are certainly more cases than not where the child survives the verbal abuse handed to them by their parents.  However, emotionally, they are often good as dead.  If not completely flat-lined, they suffer multiple stab wounds by the verbal dagger swung their way by their parents and are left for dead.  In some cases, it takes years for them to recover from that.  Their self-esteem thrown to the ground and run over by a 50-car freight train.

The message in the comment left on the blog entry is about love.  Coincidentally, today, Valentine's Day, is also supposed to be about the same topic.  Take time out today to show the people closest to you that you truly love them just as they are and with no strings attached.  You won't even need a Hallmark card to do that!

Hunter Mack, 14, Recuperates from Suicide Attempt

Friday was not a good day for school kids in two states on separate sides of the country.  There was Drew Ferraro's completely suicide attempt in La Cresenta, CA in front of his classmates.  The students of Cresenta Valley High School, many of them friends of his, were left severely traumatized and to try to make sense of what they had just witnessed.  Their recovery will take years.

On that same day, 14-year-old Hunter Mack, of Walpole, NH, made an unsuccessful attempt, also in front of classmates.  In Drew's case, early reports say that bullying was definitely a factor.  However, in Drew's case, it appears that depression was the biggest factor.  In both cases, the casualty list extends far beyond the victims, themselves.

Despite what some out-of-touch politicians and "religious leaders" are attempting to hoodwink us into believing, the fact of the matter is that this is an epidemic.  It's taken on a life all of its own.  And, as is usually the case when the rubber really meets the road, it will have to we, the ordinary, caring, and compassionate people who will make the necessary changes to end this scourge.  It will have to be those people who have seen one too many young person end their life far, far too soon.  It will have to take the families and friends of past victims to honor their lost loved ones by continuing to reach out to others in hope that no other family, no more friends will have to go through the lifelong pain that they are going through. 

We can't count on our politicians.  Michele Bachmann, and likeminded religious fanatics in her district, virtually declared war on the LGBT teens who reside in her district.  The result has been an explosion of teen suicides in the Anoka-Hennepin district.  Stacey Campfield is busy introducing bills that makes LGBT teens sitting ducks.  His bills will make it ok to bully and abuse them as long as it's for "religious, political, or philosophical beliefs".  He wants it so that teacher would risk losing their careers at the mere mention of the word gay.  And, there are others around the country who are busy trying to pass similar legislations.

Religious leaders are just barely better.  And, to be sure, not all religious leaders are all-condemning of LGBT youth or the LGBT community in general.  Similarly, not all politicians are jackasses, either.

Still, the change that is desperately needed at this very point-in-time is going to have to at least START with us, the common folk.  We who care.  We who are right there on the battlefront watching the carnage.  The bright side of that it that there are many regular people in every size, shape, age, and color, and from all around the world!, doing their part to help bring this madness to an end.  And, indeed, things are being done, and progress is being made.  Young people are reaching out to other troubled teens.  Songs are being written; videos recorded.  Hotlines have been set-up.  Online support networks have been set up.  Ordinary people who have just said:  "Enough is Enough!  How can I get involved!?  This has got to end!"  This epidemic must, and will!, be wiped out.

Until we reach that end, there will still be casualties, unfortunately.  But, as we continue to grow massively in numbers, and as we continue to bring global awareness to this issue, we will begin to see that casualty list decrease.  Until that day, however, we have to continue to fight like hell!  There are just too many lives in the balance to do anything else.

At this moment, 14-year-old Hunter Mack lay in a New Hampshire hospital attempting to recover from his attempt at ending his young life.  Let's hope for a speedy recovery for him as well as healing for his family, friends, and schoolmates.  They all have a long journey ahead of them.

Drew Ferraro, 15, Dead of Bullycide

My band played "The Struggle" tonight with the usual zest.  I made it through the whole song without breaking down at some point, which happens especially when we perform it after a recent teen suicide.  It had been relatively calm for the past week or so.  I said to one of my best friends, biggest fans, and occasional reader of the blog that it has been quite for a week or so, and that had me cautiously concerned.  Then, I return home from another triumphant show only to get the news.

Friday, February 11th, 15-yer-old Drew Ferraro succumbed to bullycide.  According to one of Drew's friends, "he was a funny, clever kid who played football and loved heavy metal music and gigs".  Said another friend, "he was definitely bullied and he didn't want to go to school".

The sad irony is that his suicide came mere hours before the release of the very powerful song and video, "It Does Get Better", done by some of the best lesbian talent that the U.K. has to offer.  Seeing that video, hearing that song, albeit not heavy metal, could've very well saved Drew's life.  We'll never know.

It's imperative that everyone has resources readily available in the event that you're faced, eye-to-eye, with a potentially dangerous situation.  Intervention works wonders, and it saves lives.

Wipeout Homophobia on facebook has a wonderful Suicide Support page

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Knowing the signs of depression early on can be a very useful tool.

To the traumatized schoolmates and friends of Drew's who witnessed this event, please seek help.  Sorting through this will be extremely difficult on your own.  To the family of this young man, we wish you our heartfelt condolences.  May you rest in Paradise, Drew Ferraro.

THERE IS POWER IN NUMBERS!!!!

The main objective for my writing this blog everyday is to make a difference.  I found it difficult to sit on the sidelines and watch the horrors of the bullying, the teen suicides, the hatred and intolerance, and everything else that came along with it.  Since its creation, I've learned that the scope of the problem is much greater than I ever would've imagined from the sidelines.

Last week, for example, I learned about the teacher in Oklahoma who let her own bias get in the way of doing her job, which is to educate young minds.  Not liking what I was reading, I got involved.  In turn, we ALL got involved.  Now, the fruits of our labor is evident.

This letter from Khrystal's mother, the high school student from Oklahoma who's teacher allowed her bias to get in the way of a student's education, just came in to the Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook page:

This is Khrystal's mom with another update on the school report situation. Principle Davis called me this afternoon and said that Mrs. Applegate would like to meet with me after the school day was over. I agreed. Khrystal went to the meeting with me, this was about her after all.

Mrs Applegate said that Mrs Ford (superintendent), Mr Davis (principal) and herself had met multiple times to figure out ways to keep this situation from happening again. She admitted it was too late to go back and change how things were handled this year. She talked about not grading Khrystal's note cards this past Friday, which put her on the failing list, and how bad she felt about it. She said Khrystal didn't do anything wrong. She was just afraid of grading a paper where her bias could get in the way. I did not ask her position one way or the other. All we wanted was for a fairly graded report.

[Mrs. Applegate] said that beginning next year there would be safeguards in place to protect the students from situations like this. She then proceeded to tell Khrystal she was more than welcome to complete her desired report and it would be graded with the utmost fairness. Mrs Applegate said Khrystal would also be given extra time to complete the report to make up for the time lost. Mrs Applegate is even allowing Khrystal to use her aunt as one of her 7 references as she just completed a college report on gay marriage. We are extremely excited over that. So, Khrystal won the battle! But the good news does not stop there!

This was not just a win for Khrystal but also for every student in Mrs. Applegate's class. Mrs. Applegate took it further (without suggestion from us) and said she would allow every other student the opportunity to change their topic to whatever they wanted and receive fair grades for merit not topic. She also said that anyone who changed their topic would also be given the extra time to complete their report. This is such a huge win for the students!

Shortly after leaving the meeting, I ran into one of Khrystals peers who said that a number of students were told they had to change topics (including himself) and that Khrystal was the only one to stand her ground. He was thrilled that someone stood up for what was right and wished more people had that courage. He is excited to complete his original topic. So, not only did Khrystal win the battle, with all of your support, she won the war for everyone!

Our family has been extremely blessed to have had the support from each of you. Your calls and emails to the school administration, your suggestions, your prayers, your ultimate support made this happen.

We need to give special thanks to Aunt Megan Stewart, Uncle Rob Tirawat and Honorary Uncle Alex Tooke for stepping up and getting the ball rolling when I did not know where to start. Without these three people, this issue would not have gained the momentum necessary for Khrystal's cause to succeed.

Our deepest gratitude goes to everyone world wide who supported Khrystal. Our love and prayers go out to each of you!!!

Naturally, my first reaction was elation!!!  Elated that Khrystal was able to explore her own mind and write creatively about what she chose to write about.  Elated because all of the support, from so many of you, made such a positive impact not just on Khrystal but on the other students and, especially, Gale Applegate.  Elated because we can now see without a doubt the power of numbers!  This could not have been possible if not for so many of you getting heatedly involved.

The beauty of it all goes even beyond Khrystal, her paper, and even this particular class.  The beauty of it is that, because of the power of numbers, there will now be safeguards in place at Eufaula High School to ensure that this never, ever happens again.  I can't even begin to tell you how big that is.  So, on behalf of Khrystal and Kimberlee, her mother, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved and supporting Khrystal.

Thank you, Gale Applegate, for reexamining and reconsidering your stance on this matter.  It means a lot to the future of the students you'll be in charge of teaching.

There is definitely, and definitively!, power in numbers!

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!!!

A couple weeks ago, I wrote here about The L Project, a group of highly talented lesbian entertainers in the U.K. who have come together to produce an original song that was written as a message of affirmation to the LGBT youth in particular, and to troubled teens in general.  It's their contribution as we all work towards the common goals of ending bullying and stopping teen/LGBT teen suicide.  They will be releasing their single, "It Does Get Better", in less than 48 hours!!  This is an exciting time as people from around the globe are anxiously awaiting its release.

I listened to the preview of it last week and was blown away.  It's an incredible project put together by some of the most talented musicians in the U.K.  

In a nutshell, the main purpose behind releasing the single is to raise money to combat LGBT teen bullying.  That's crucial especially at a time where we're being shown time and time again that there are far, far too many people, adults, and people in power who don't give a rat's ass about our LGBT teen.  I won't get into that diatribe here.  The purpose here is to celebrate the continuing coming together of the LGBT community.  In less that 48 hours, the single will be released.  Every single dime earned from the single will go to organizations that will benefit LGBT teens and fund anti-bullying efforts.

So, if you haven't already, go the their facebook page, "LIKE" the page, then share the link with your friends, as well.  Let's show them our support!  Then, get ready for the release of "It Does Get Better".  You're going to love the song!  Thank you, The L Project, for sharing your talents with us.

"I Shouldn't Have to...Look Over My Shoulder..."

Twenty year old Brandon White of Atlanta ventured to the corner store in his community in Atlanta, GA, Saturday afternoon.  What happened as he left "the pink store" is something he'll never forget.

Deep inside of me, there's still that bruise and battered 12-year-old.   He saw the video of what happened to Brandon on Saturday and was once again reminded of his own gay bashing.  He cringed.  And, speaking for that broken 12-year-old, I can tell Brandon that he will always remember February 4th, 2012.  He will never look at life the same.

On Saturday, February 4th, Brandon was brutally attacked by a group of street thugs who call themselves 1029 Jack City Gang.  As they attacked him, they hurled gay slurs at him, "no faggots in Jack City", just to make sure the injuries were internal as well as external but, trust me, they weren't necessary.  The internal injuries were inflicted without them.  The external injuries will heal in no time.
 
The world is a vastly different place than it was when I was attacked as a 12-year-old.  Today, there's the in-an-instance-access-to-the-world Internet.  Brandon's attackers wisely used the Internet to Brandon's advantage:  they opted to post the video online.  In my day, there was no get-it-right-now news outlet.  Therefore, no one ever saw my attack or attackers other than the Southerners who lived where I was attacked but elected to not get involved.  Today, however, thanks to the spontaneity of the Internet, Brandon's attack, and attackers!, have been seen around the world already.  That's a good thing!! 

Because, at least in part, the video that was posted online, the FBI is also involved in trying to crack this case.  They're investigating it as a hate crime.  Bravo!  Now, let's just hope that the video is revealing enough for someone to identify those responsible for this horrific hate crime.  And, that includes the camera person.  Eleven thousand dollars in reward money has been offered for any information that will lead to the arrest of those responsible.  And, there's a Crime Stoppers number, 404-577-TIPS(8577) for anyone who may have any information.

Hatred against the LGBT community is going to come to a screeching halt.  Our numbers are ever-increasing.  Our voices are getting stronger and clearer.  Our message of zero tolerance is building momentum.  Here's to hoping these cowards are quickly brought to justice before another Jack City video has the opportunity to be made.

A Mother Responds in Teacher Bias Case

"I am the mother of the student in this situation. In speaking with the principal Monday, he did indeed state that he supported the teachers position simply because she stated that the topics were up to her discretion. I told him outright that I thought it was BS that she could give an assignment to choose a controversial issue and then refuse to grade it because she didn't like the topic. She told me she was against gay marriage, told the principal she was for it and then told my daughter she was against it. She is a complete liar and should in no way be trusted with our young minds. Last night I left a message with Congressman Boren regarding this situation and told him an investigation into this was necessary. I (we) have plans to take this as far as we can to see that the right thing is done. We are considering moving so that we don't have to continue living in such a bigoted community. All your support just reinforces her decision to take a failing grade not just on her report but for the quarter/semester. She would rather fail doing what she feels is right instead of bowing down to the system. Any suggestions on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated!"

That was left as a comment on the blog entry pertaining to the school's decision to stand by Gale Applegate's bias decision.  Khyrstal has decided to fight the system for what she believes in.  I, for one, applaud her.  She was very brave to choose the topic she chose to write about in the first place.  Now, in the face of adversity, she's opted to stick to her guns and fight when it would've been so much easier for her to buckle under the pressure and write about something more...pedestrian. 

In an unintended response to the mother's question of how to proceed in this battle, it was suggested that they take this to the ACLU.  Marvelous idea.  And, she's already contacted her Congressman.  Anyone who reads this and has legal knowledge and expertise in such matters, please feel free to advise her. 

This is a case of blatant, in-your-face bigotry and intolerance no matter how they try to dress it up.  If a student is only allowed to expand their thoughts to the limits of the box in which the teacher resides, (s)he eventually attain the same myopic views of the teacher.  And, the cycle is perpetuated.

There is truly power in numbers!  Emboldened by our enormous response to Khyrstal's plight, she and her family has chosen to fight for what's right.  In response, we need to continue to show them our unfailing support.  Our message must be very loud and unmistakably clear:  Eufaura High School's policy that allows for teacher, and apparently administrator bias and intolerance in fact will not be tolerated or accepted.  Zero tolerance means just that.

And, to the mother, as you read this, I strongly encourage you to click the comments link and read those, as well.  There will, quite possibly, be answers to your question there.  In addition to the comments left on this blog, you'll want to check a few facebook pages' comments to this story as well.  There has been many comments already posted.  Hopefully, in response to your plea for assistance, there will be many, many more. 

Pages where this article has been placed:

Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook 

STOP Teenage Suicide 

Bisexuality Is Real - It Exists

Support Gay Marriage Across America 

School Sides With Biased Teacher in Oklahoma

"Proof came today, The mother met with the school and they state that they will FAIL the student if she writes this paper on this topic and won't even read it. AUTOMATIC "F" just for the topic. I'm sorry, even if she is not for gay marriage this is not OK, grade a paper on merits, not your person thoughts!

Please email the school at: gwdavis@eufaula.k12.ok.us
Thank you."

That was a comment left yesterday afternoon on the original blog entry about Gale Applegate, a teacher in Oklahoma.  Incredibly, with people from around the country, world!, contacting them, they opted to turn up their nose and announce that they SHARE in her bigotry!  That's a slap in the face.

Apparently, the email address link for the Dean of Students was either bogus or has been changed.  The link no longer works.  However, there are other ways to contact the school and the superintendent.

Superintendent Rita Ford
918-689-2152

Principal Garret Davis

Eufaula High School
1st & Woodland
Eufaula, Oklahoma 74432-2410
Phone: 918.689.2556
Fax: 918.689.1099

 

The hope is that everyone will continue voicing their outrage as such a flagrant show of bigotry and intolerance.  Oh, and suggest that they read today's Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruling on same-sex marriage.  

Six Million People Can't be Wrong

I speak often of Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook.  There's a reason for that.  In my humble opinion, they are singlehandedly changing the world.  That's a very strong statement.  It puts a lot of responsibility on the great people who make their platform work.  And, it puts a ton of weight on the shoulders of Kel, the creator of this phenomena.  

Apparently, there are many people who agree with me.  Besides the fact that their facebook page now has over 315,000 members, and growing by leaps and bounds on a weekly basis, today their webpage added it's 6 millionth visitor!!!  Six million, three hundred thousand people worldwide agree with me that Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook, it the community of change.  The beauty of that is they are not wilting in the least from the pressure of such gaudy numbers.  In fact, they crave more and celebrate each milestone.  Why?  Obvious answer:  the higher the numbers, the more people who are being reached, the better the chances of helping people who really need help the most.

They are the trailblazers.  Why?  What's their lure?  What is it that's constantly attracting tens of thousands of people to their page and website on a weekly basis?  Simple answer:  They reach out to everyone.  Gays and straights alike, from around the world!, interact with their twin pages daily, contributing their own stories, sharing photos, or just offering support.  It's become the premiere "go to" spot on facebook.  That carries a lot of weight considering facebook boasts over 800,000,000 users.

Kevin "Kel" O'Neil, WHOF's creator started this on a lark, actually.  In his own words:

" WHOF, all started on the 9th May 2010. During a search for a gay group I found two hate pages. They only had a few members , but all I could think was what if one of my family found this page and read the hate speech.

I decided to"report" both pages. Hate speech is illegal in most of the free world and is also against Facebook's own terms of use.

I sent links to the pages to some friends so they too could report them, they replied with links to others I thought that rather than 30 of us sending each other messages, I would collate the links on one Facebook page. An hour later there were hundreds of members and by the end of the day a thousand had joined, today there are over 310,000 members" Says Kevin,from Durham in the North east of England, who later created the website to accompany the facebook page in September of 2010.

That's called filling a void.  It was the right idea at the right time, and people from every outpost on the globe have responded.

Of course, not everyone in the world agrees with such a positive movement.  Change frightens people.  And, Kel gets the hate mail to prove it!  Always one step ahead, he handles each piece of hate mail with the kind of wit and humor, yet very much to the point, that only he can do.

Another invaluable piece of the WHOF puzzle is the staff he has surrounded himself with.  The Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook administration consists of such leaders as Lyndsay Winegarden (creator of STOP Teen Suicide) and Matt Desmond (creator and owner of AddictingInfo.com)  What that means is that there's always someone knowledgeable and skilled manning the page in the event there's an emergency.  That's a crucial component.

I think, for me, what impresses me the most is some of the letters of thanks they receive from people who were in a real bad place in their lives, or maybe a friend or family member was and, thanks to WHOF, they were able to make it through. 

Ashlee Tai 07:53 AM on January 24, 2012
Dear Kel,
I wanted to share a story with you and other admin members to let you know how much of a positive impact you've made in my life and in the lives of many people that I know.  I am a proud bi-sexual and have always been open and honest about it with family, friends and strangers. It has more often than not made me a target for homophobic taunts and physical attacks. But I believe that there is nothing in the world that will ever dictate how I should live and who I should love.
One of my dearest friends Lucas just recently accepted himself for who he is. A gay man. I couldn't have been more proud when he told me.  However he was extremely scared because like myself he was raised in a devout Catholic family and was always taught that homosexuality was unnatural, perverted and going against the laws of God (However neither one of us actually believe in God). Because of his apprehension towards wanting to tell his family I told him I would be there to provide some much needed support.

It did not go well at all. His mother told him being gay was a disease and he was a threat to the institution of marriage. Then his dad packed his things and told him to get out of his house because as far as he was concerned Lucas was dead to him. Their abuse towards him continued right up until we pulled out of the driveway.
It made me angry that they could exhibit such hatred towards such a beautiful man, their only child.
I organised for him to live with my best friends family who happen to be straight Catholics that have nothing but love and support for the gay community. They have taken in many LGBT friends/acquantances of mine and have given them a home. Food to eat. Clothes on their backs. And compassion in the purest of forms.
And the one thing that I along with my friends family have encouraged them to turn to if we aren't there and they are feeling down, is your page.
You provide an incredible about of hope for the future. And in all honesty if it weren't for WHOF I don't think I'd have many of my LGBT friends still with me. I would like to thank you for saving lives because in my eyes that is what you've done and that is what you are doing.
Thank you so much for everything.
Ashlee Tai.

Those stories get me every time.  Each letter of survival validates the strong presence and tremendous work WHOF has on the Internet.

Congratulations, guys, on your 6,000,000th visitor and, more importantly, on a job very well done!

Friends, Family of 14-Year-Old Rafael Morelos Say Goodbye with Candlelight Vigil

Add another name to last week's casualty list.  Tonight, friends and family of 14-year-old Rafael Morelos said goodbye to him with a candlelight vigil.  Rafael was an openly gay student who was the victim of bullycide.  So, here's last week's "tally" of teen suicides:  4 reported incidences; 3 of them stemming from bullying. 

What needs to be done, and what's actually beginning to happen, is there needs to be solid, definitive action taken to identify, intervene, and prevent bullying.  The urgency speaks for itself.  Four young people under the age of 18 took their own lives last week, and three of them as a result of bullying.  That's not acceptable.

Information is needed, and it needs to be shared and shared again.  Having a Bullying Prevention Policy Guideline is a good place to start.  This particular one is in downloadable PDF form so that everyone can have their own copy handy.

Teaching Tolerance, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center, offers a guideline for teachers.  In most school systems across the country, this guideline will go a long way to creating a much safer environment for all of their students.  I say most because there are still school systems pushing hard for a version of "Don't Say Gay" in their schools.  I'll come back to that issue.

And, of course, in today's world, having a Guideline on ...Cyberbullying Prevention is essential.  At least one of last week's deaths was attributed to, at least in part, cyberbullying. 

The fact of the matter is that, in the end, it's going to be us, the concerned citizens, who are going to make the difference in these young people's lives.  Governments are playing politics with young people's lives; school systems are not addressing the situation.  Meanwhile, lives are being lost at an alarming rate. 

Rafael Morelos, may you now find peace.  I wish someone could've reached you in time. 

In My Own Backyard!

Don't be too quick to jump on the Maryland bandwagon.  Governor O'Malley may be pushing for the legalization of gay marriage here (and, it looks as if it has a real shot of passing!), but then there's madness like this.  At Albert Einstein High School, literally a 20-minute drive from my house, a group that calls themselves PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays) sent home a flyer with the students' report card that basically tells its LGBT students that "you weren't born that way" and, once again, "we can help you change".

Their flyer is carefully worded as to not give the impression that it's religion-motivated.  We know better.  In the flyer, they allege that "every year, thousands of people make the decision..." to no longer be LGBT.  In an attempt to mock the LGBT community, they cite:  "...formerly gay men and women are discriminated against simply because they dare to exist."  "Thousands"!  And, again, I'm completely ok with them having their opinions.  That's their right under our Constitution.  However, to force-feed it to the students of Einstein represents a collapse in moral responsibility.  At a time in their lives where they're already struggling to figure out who they are and how they fit into society, at a time where some are definitely questioning their sexuality or, worse, beginning to feel confident with it, P-FOX has thrown a monkey wrench of uncertainty into the picture.  Instead of doing things that will help these students grow and become confident, productive adults, they opted to send the message "if you're LGBT, you're defected.  But, don't worry, We can fix you!!  It's your choice."  Maybe, P-FOX needs to be reminded that just last month, the leader of Exodus (the largest ex-gay farce in this country), Alan Chambers, announced that no one changes their sexual orientation.  He admitted that it was a farce.  In his own words, "99.9" of the people in his group didn't become "ex-gay".  Another of the co-founders of Exodus, Michael Bussee, went as far as to write this very revealing, very honest letter of apology.  Please take the time to read it.

What did happen, however, was there were suicides because of his program and the confusion it caused.  There were people left with emotional damage after being forced to believe that they were defective in some way, that their natural orientation was wrong.

Groups like P-FOX are now sprouting up around the country even as the ex-founder of Exodus has made it clear that it was basically a 20-year scam that he was running.  Infamous politician, Michele Bachmann, is married to a man who is making a mint off of one of those "ex-gay" "therapy" farces.  And, now it's here in my own backyard.  I don't like it.

Albert Einstein school officials, and the Montgomery County School Board made sure to distance themselves from this debacle with this disclaimer:  "These materials were neither endorsed nor sponsored by the Board of Education of Montgomery County, the superintendent, or this school."  Smart move. 

To contact P-FOX and voice your opinion, you can reach them on their website.  Let them know that what they're doing is wrong.

Saving a Life Via Social Networking

Since I embarked on this journey three months ago, I've seen some pretty heroic acts of compassion and humanity.  Total strangers reaching out, from all around the globe!, in order to attempt to save a total stranger's life.  There's been success stories that I've seen personally.  There's been some where the situation is now-stable but still touch-and-go.  No one said this was going to be easy work.

Today, we see the first publicized case of two teenagers reaching out to save a life.  Seventeen-year-old Danny Manes and 19-year-old Gary Ramirez worked feverishly for over 5 hours to talk a fellow teen, who had been posting suicidal messages that caught Danny Manes' eye, down from suicide.  Their hard and determined work paid great dividends when they received a message from the distraught teen thanking them for their help.  Heroes are born everyday.

Manes and Ramirez are just two of hundreds, maybe thousands!, of people, young and old, male and female, gay and straight, black, blue, and, green, working ardently to make a difference by reaching out to people in need, in particular teens with suicidal ideations.  Manes and Ramirez have a facebook page, Hopeline4Teens, that is set up specifically for helping troubled teens.

And, there's BrettJ93 (don't know his last name) who has the youtube video where he's reaching out to the same demographic.  And, according to him, they're reaching back now that they know who to reach for.  The video is marvelous work and has gotten several thousand views since I first wrote about it earlier in the week.  It needs 100 times that many!  So, keep sharing it.

The army continues to grow.  There are many, many people putting forth an amazing amount of effort in their quest to make a difference.  And, it's paying huge dividends.

Danny Manes and Gary Ramirez, stand up and take a bow.  We commend you.  Great job!  Thank you for your dedicated efforts.

Other sources of social media help and outreach:
Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook
STOP Teenage Suicide
ABC: Anti-Bullying Coalition
Suicide Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline