Making sense of a suicide is a daunting task at best. In many, if not most, cases, it's an impossible one. Friday, Spencer Watson Seupel, 21, ended what promised to be a brilliant, productive, happy life. He wasn't bullied. There's no indication anywhere of him being gay. Still, in a moment of impulsivity, he's gone.
Spencer's suicide was the result of binge drinking. Alcohol. That cunning, and quite legal, drug that claims thousands of lives annually. At the root of the suicide, however, was something deeper. I certainly cannot tell the story any better than his own mother. It's a very compelling story, indeed.
In the media, and in the circles of social media, we hear a lot about bullying as it pertains to young people ending their lives. And, make no mistake, bullying is an issue that demands a lot of immediate attention as it truly is playing a large role in many, many teen suicide. However, bullying is not the only reason young people commit suicide. Understanding that is a vital baby step in the right direction. Knowing some of the other issues that leads young people to feel suicide is the only answer is an essential quantum leap in that same direction.
Depression has been named in many teen suicides even since I began this blog in November. In some instances, even if there's been bullying, depression was the actual root. The bullying simply exacerbated an already volatile situation. Understanding depression isn't restricted to just the psychiatric field by any stretch. We can educate ourselves, as well. We can, and we must if we're to save lives. But, the vast majority of us are not professionals in the field of mental health. Therefore, how would we know? How could we spot it? And, better still, what do we do when we do recognize it? That's where educating ourselves comes in.
See, if we're to truly make a difference, if we're really serious about bringing about change, it's going to take so much more than just ranting about how bad it is that all these beautiful young souls are killing themselves or how horrifying it is that these young people are being bullied. And, that's not said in a derogatory manner by any means. I do as much ranting as any two people combined! That said, and beyond the ranting, it's going to take real action if we're to rein this back in. It can be done.
Sometimes, something as simple as a kind word, or an attentive ear can make a difference in a young person's life. Far too many of these young people feel disconnected, a sense of worthlessness even as their families and friends surround and shower them with love and attention. Self-esteem appears to be a major factor. So, giving them positive reinforcements regularly helps bolster their low sense of worth. As non-professionals, we can still help reverse that by reminding them, constantly, of the positives in their lives.
For Spencer, perhaps it was a mixture of all the above. Certainly, the drug we call alcohol delivered the final blow. But, there were already mechanisms in place that created the environment, if only in his own mind, that made Spencer feel suicide was the answer. His loving family is left to attempt to put the pieces of this puzzle together. I hope Spencer can now find the peace that eluded him here on Earth.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Stopping Intolerance in Tennessee
As I was preparing to leave the house to go to work, I ran across this post from a girl who regularly posts in one of my favorite facebook communities. It stopped me in my tracks.
By clicking the link in her post, "check this out", you will see a list of phone numbers to call and voice your complaints and opinions. Wouldn't it be great to find out that their switchboards were overloaded with incoming calls on this matter!? Whatever it takes.
Call it a "Call To Action"; call it "getting involved". Whatever. I called it zero tolerance for intolerance and hatred. This is "bullying" at a high level. We can stop it if we all work together.
It grabbed my attention because I love the things she posts in this particular community, so I always pay attention when I see her name. It grabbed my attention because I've already written about Stacey Campfield's myopic bill that he's trying to push through legislation in Tennessee. And, I've posted links to a petition put in place to get this bill killed. This particular bill, dubbed the "Don't Say Gay" bill will have a devastating effect on the LGBT students in their school system, in a state that has already had 2 LGBT teen suicides since early December. So, I will post the link to the petition again and hope that every single person who reads this article will sign it. Remember Power in Numbers? We can change things.
By clicking the link in her post, "check this out", you will see a list of phone numbers to call and voice your complaints and opinions. Wouldn't it be great to find out that their switchboards were overloaded with incoming calls on this matter!? Whatever it takes.
Call it a "Call To Action"; call it "getting involved". Whatever. I called it zero tolerance for intolerance and hatred. This is "bullying" at a high level. We can stop it if we all work together.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Student Attacked for Writing Pro-Gay Article
This is particularly troubling because it didn't happen in middle-school. It wasn't high-school. This happened on a college campus! Destinie Mogg-Barkalow, a student journalist at Bridgewater State University in Bridgewater, Massachusetts, wrote a pro-gay article about Proposition 8: "Prop 8 Generates More Hate". And, for this, she was attacked on campus. Apparently, the young lady who punched Destinie doesn't agree with same-sex marriage. That's tolerable. Using violence for any reason isn't.
For the record, her article, "Prop 8 Generates More Hate", is very well written and makes valid points. Nothing inflammatory. Just the same, points and questions many of us have been thinking, saying, and asking all along...just with Destinie's point-of-view. And, for that, she was attacked.
The level of intolerance in this case is incredible. Incredible, but not necessarily surprising. See, one thing I've been saying since even before the blog is that the rhetoric from "the other side" is extremely dangerous. It's inflammatory by design. It's used to rile up their base, their followers. The problem with that is it leads to violence. There will always be someone amongst their minions who will feel it their duty to take the message of hate and intolerance that they've been hearing to the next level. "I'm gonna take matters in my own hand." Or, worse, "I'm doing God's will". And, that's when a young college student/journalist, who voices her opinion in the school newspaper, gets attacked. That's when LGBT teens get attacked at middle- and high-school. The message that has been ingrained in them, from their "religious" leaders and parents is that if it goes against their religious belief, then it's abhorrent and a threat to their very existence. What we end up with then is hatred in the name of God. And, THAT'S a sin! Worse: it's blasphemous. Anything on the other side of their door of acceptance is a threat to their very existence and is to be hated.
It is completely ok to believe in what you believe in. That's everyone's right under the U.S. Constitution. Theoretically, at least. It is absolutely NEVER ok for anyone to force their religious beliefs down another person's throat. Whatever happened to freedom of religion? Who says that your religion is the only one with "the right answers"? Who are you to decide who's condemned to Hell, or not, in accordance to your religious beliefs? Why do we, as a people, continue to put religious fanatics in political power and then complain when they start attempting to legislate their religious beliefs? "The Other Side" likes to tout that they're against the government interfering in people's lives. Really? Then, why are they so passionately concerned about who loves whom, or who marries whom? Why is their focus so acutely attuned to the same-sex marriage issue when we have an economy in shambles, unacceptable unemployment rates, people homeless and hungry. One would think that those things would be more important for them to focus on rather than who's loving whom.
Destinie should've never been attacked. She wrote an excellent op-ed piece about something she felt passionate about. Freedom of speech. But, because their opinions obviously didn't match, some girl decided to attack Destinie for voicing her opinion. The case is being investigated as a hate crime. As well it should.
For the record, her article, "Prop 8 Generates More Hate", is very well written and makes valid points. Nothing inflammatory. Just the same, points and questions many of us have been thinking, saying, and asking all along...just with Destinie's point-of-view. And, for that, she was attacked.
The level of intolerance in this case is incredible. Incredible, but not necessarily surprising. See, one thing I've been saying since even before the blog is that the rhetoric from "the other side" is extremely dangerous. It's inflammatory by design. It's used to rile up their base, their followers. The problem with that is it leads to violence. There will always be someone amongst their minions who will feel it their duty to take the message of hate and intolerance that they've been hearing to the next level. "I'm gonna take matters in my own hand." Or, worse, "I'm doing God's will". And, that's when a young college student/journalist, who voices her opinion in the school newspaper, gets attacked. That's when LGBT teens get attacked at middle- and high-school. The message that has been ingrained in them, from their "religious" leaders and parents is that if it goes against their religious belief, then it's abhorrent and a threat to their very existence. What we end up with then is hatred in the name of God. And, THAT'S a sin! Worse: it's blasphemous. Anything on the other side of their door of acceptance is a threat to their very existence and is to be hated.
It is completely ok to believe in what you believe in. That's everyone's right under the U.S. Constitution. Theoretically, at least. It is absolutely NEVER ok for anyone to force their religious beliefs down another person's throat. Whatever happened to freedom of religion? Who says that your religion is the only one with "the right answers"? Who are you to decide who's condemned to Hell, or not, in accordance to your religious beliefs? Why do we, as a people, continue to put religious fanatics in political power and then complain when they start attempting to legislate their religious beliefs? "The Other Side" likes to tout that they're against the government interfering in people's lives. Really? Then, why are they so passionately concerned about who loves whom, or who marries whom? Why is their focus so acutely attuned to the same-sex marriage issue when we have an economy in shambles, unacceptable unemployment rates, people homeless and hungry. One would think that those things would be more important for them to focus on rather than who's loving whom.
Destinie should've never been attacked. She wrote an excellent op-ed piece about something she felt passionate about. Freedom of speech. But, because their opinions obviously didn't match, some girl decided to attack Destinie for voicing her opinion. The case is being investigated as a hate crime. As well it should.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Bullying of a Different Color
I just read an article about racism within the gay community that opened the box of a lot of ugly memories.
I remember my twink days well. At one point, I was having a fling with another, fellow twink who was white. It was, well...we were young. Then, he met this other guy who was slightly older than myself. And, also white. They immediately hit it off and started to "fling", themselves. Then came the cruising of the clubs. Then came the phone conversation: "Well, David and I were talking, and we both decided that we're too good to waste ourselves on a black guy." Needless to say, I'll never forget that phone call. Or, the deep hurt I felt from being told I wasn't good enough because of my skin tone.
I remember, also from my twink days, and after being blown off by my former partner because I was black and, in his own words, unworthy, going to a gay club downtown. It was a very popular club at the time and was packed to the gills. Shortly after arriving, I saw him: my Mr. Right! Six-feet, lean, blond and blue. With a smile that wouldn't quit. My first thought was "I'm taking him home tonight". I made strong eye contact with him while he was, um, working, and we exchanged pleasantries. "Win!!!", I thought. I thought wrong. At the end of the day, he went home with a man roughly twice my age, at least a half-foot shorter but easily 75-100 lbs heavier. (close your eyes and envision THAT!) Oh, did I say that he was also white? So, once again, the reinforcement was there: I'm inferior because of my skin-tone.
Fast forward to San Francisco, 1986. I'm no longer a twink, but I'm still young, and still a lean, very handsome (so I was told), athletic man. Black man. I had a lot of acquaintances in the Polk Gulch area with whom I socialized with regularly. One night, five of us had been out just enjoying the evening: couple of beers, lots of laughs, fun stuff. One suggested that we go back to his place and have an orgy. I couldn't believe my ears!!!! Everyone was in agreement. So, off we merrily go. His apartment was only a few blocks away, on Sutter. Upon entering his apartment, he turned to me and said "Sorry, you're not invited. This is for white guys, only." He may as well have pulled out a .45 and shot me in between the eyes. I cannot even explain how hurt I was, or how low I felt upon hearing that, once again, my skin-tone had rendered me unworthy.(I will say, though, that one of the guys strongly objected to the host's exhibition of racist ignorance, told the host so, and we had our own fun for the evening. Still, the damage had been done.)
In this article, they speak of racism within the gay community as if it's a new trend. As you have just read, it's nowhere near a new thing. It's a large reason why I disengaged myself from "the gay community" long ago. Those three instances alone proved to me, beyond a doubt, that I didn't have a place within the community. Well, I guess I did as long as I kept myself segregated. To my disadvantage, in this case, I just happened to be born "color-blind". Even in today's world, it still exists. Maybe, because of the far-reaching instantaneousness of the Internet, even to a greater extent. I've checked out several of the online dating sites and, lo and behold, the ones I've found attractive have profiles that clearly states that I'm not in their realm of attraction. Even with those who list their wider diversity, "black" is not one of their suitable preferences.
I found it quite telling, this segment taken from the article:
So, what does this have to do with the anti-bullying, stop-teen-suicide campaign that I've immersed myself in? Do you think that all gay teens are white? Well, the obvious answer is "of course not". Like the symbol of our pride, they are every color of the rainbow, so to speak. So, what happens when young, black Tony falls in love with white Michael only to have Michael tell him "I'm too good to waste myself on a black guy"? Will that be the straw to break the proverbial camel's back? Wouldn't those words be a form of bullying? If your answer is yes to either, the battle is even tougher than first realized. But, to further complicate matters, how exactly does one address this issue? Do we teach the black and minority LGBT teens that they've got yet another battle they'll have to fight, and this foe will come from within the ranks of the LGBT community? Well, that will go over well. Do we tell they the black and minority LGBT teen that (s)he may as well forget about finding a partner outside of their race because, in the LGBT community, white is king? What exactly is the answer? We're begging, no demanding!!!, that the world start treating us, the LGBT community, as equals. As well it should! Yet, we don't even treat our own as equals.
The last piece of the article was, I think, my favorite. It speaks volumes.
I remember my twink days well. At one point, I was having a fling with another, fellow twink who was white. It was, well...we were young. Then, he met this other guy who was slightly older than myself. And, also white. They immediately hit it off and started to "fling", themselves. Then came the cruising of the clubs. Then came the phone conversation: "Well, David and I were talking, and we both decided that we're too good to waste ourselves on a black guy." Needless to say, I'll never forget that phone call. Or, the deep hurt I felt from being told I wasn't good enough because of my skin tone.
I remember, also from my twink days, and after being blown off by my former partner because I was black and, in his own words, unworthy, going to a gay club downtown. It was a very popular club at the time and was packed to the gills. Shortly after arriving, I saw him: my Mr. Right! Six-feet, lean, blond and blue. With a smile that wouldn't quit. My first thought was "I'm taking him home tonight". I made strong eye contact with him while he was, um, working, and we exchanged pleasantries. "Win!!!", I thought. I thought wrong. At the end of the day, he went home with a man roughly twice my age, at least a half-foot shorter but easily 75-100 lbs heavier. (close your eyes and envision THAT!) Oh, did I say that he was also white? So, once again, the reinforcement was there: I'm inferior because of my skin-tone.
Fast forward to San Francisco, 1986. I'm no longer a twink, but I'm still young, and still a lean, very handsome (so I was told), athletic man. Black man. I had a lot of acquaintances in the Polk Gulch area with whom I socialized with regularly. One night, five of us had been out just enjoying the evening: couple of beers, lots of laughs, fun stuff. One suggested that we go back to his place and have an orgy. I couldn't believe my ears!!!! Everyone was in agreement. So, off we merrily go. His apartment was only a few blocks away, on Sutter. Upon entering his apartment, he turned to me and said "Sorry, you're not invited. This is for white guys, only." He may as well have pulled out a .45 and shot me in between the eyes. I cannot even explain how hurt I was, or how low I felt upon hearing that, once again, my skin-tone had rendered me unworthy.(I will say, though, that one of the guys strongly objected to the host's exhibition of racist ignorance, told the host so, and we had our own fun for the evening. Still, the damage had been done.)
In this article, they speak of racism within the gay community as if it's a new trend. As you have just read, it's nowhere near a new thing. It's a large reason why I disengaged myself from "the gay community" long ago. Those three instances alone proved to me, beyond a doubt, that I didn't have a place within the community. Well, I guess I did as long as I kept myself segregated. To my disadvantage, in this case, I just happened to be born "color-blind". Even in today's world, it still exists. Maybe, because of the far-reaching instantaneousness of the Internet, even to a greater extent. I've checked out several of the online dating sites and, lo and behold, the ones I've found attractive have profiles that clearly states that I'm not in their realm of attraction. Even with those who list their wider diversity, "black" is not one of their suitable preferences.
I found it quite telling, this segment taken from the article:
"After having a few drinks with my friend, I walk home through the garment district in midtown Manhattan. I see a gay male couple walking hand in hand down the street... Their relaxed and happy faces turn frightened when they see me, and they immediately cease holding hands and separate. On this late night in an unfamiliar area of the city, I am not seen as a member of the LGBT community. I am black. I am male. I am a threat."That's a snapshot of the real world.
So, what does this have to do with the anti-bullying, stop-teen-suicide campaign that I've immersed myself in? Do you think that all gay teens are white? Well, the obvious answer is "of course not". Like the symbol of our pride, they are every color of the rainbow, so to speak. So, what happens when young, black Tony falls in love with white Michael only to have Michael tell him "I'm too good to waste myself on a black guy"? Will that be the straw to break the proverbial camel's back? Wouldn't those words be a form of bullying? If your answer is yes to either, the battle is even tougher than first realized. But, to further complicate matters, how exactly does one address this issue? Do we teach the black and minority LGBT teens that they've got yet another battle they'll have to fight, and this foe will come from within the ranks of the LGBT community? Well, that will go over well. Do we tell they the black and minority LGBT teen that (s)he may as well forget about finding a partner outside of their race because, in the LGBT community, white is king? What exactly is the answer? We're begging, no demanding!!!, that the world start treating us, the LGBT community, as equals. As well it should! Yet, we don't even treat our own as equals.
The last piece of the article was, I think, my favorite. It speaks volumes.
"We all have 'preferences' and that's certainly our right," he says. "But we don't have a right to make people feel inferior because they look different from us— any more than straight people have a right to make us feel inferior because of who we choose to love. Not in this day and age. Not after all we've gone through. Not anymore."We have a lot of work to do.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Drew Ferraro's Family Fights Back Against Bullying
With the grief still raw from his suicide, the family of Drew Ferraro has decided to join the fight to end bullying. At a memorial service held for their gone-too-soon son, they handed out business cards with Drew's image on one side, and the numbers for suicide prevention as well as the email address for a couple of websites to stop bullying. None of this will help bring back Drew, of course, but their aim is to do everything they can to assure that no family ever has to go through the devastation that they're experiencing.
This is what it's going to take. It's going to take more families getting involved and demanding change. No child, ever, should be bullied...period. As an extension, however, no child certainly should ever have to feel like the only way to get away from the bullying is to end his or her life. That's why I write these articles. That's why so many people are getting involved with such a critically essential struggle: this has to end now!
We are already painfully aware that the officials, be it school officials, law enforcement, or even some politicians, are more than willing to turn a blind eye to the problem. Indeed, the statement from the La Cresenta law enforcement was that "their investigation" showed no evidence of bullying. In fact, he defiantly added "I know there has been a lot of speculation about bullying -- it had nothing to do with that." Apparently, their investigation was in the wrong places. It was reported here from the beginning that Drew Ferraro ended his life because of bullying. Now certainly isn't the time or place for "I told you so", and that's not my intent; however, if friends and family say that it was caused by bullying, it just doesn't matter what the school officials or law enforcers say. They're simply trying to cover their own asses. Those closest to the victims, those left to pick up the pieces, will certainly know better than the "officials" what happened to their loved one.
It's up to us, the concerned citizens of the world community, to make the changes that are necessary to bring this woeful chapter to an abrupt end. A lot is being done. And, progress is being made. Just not fast enough. Certainly not fast enough to save Drew Ferraro's life or any other of the dozens of teens who have taken their own lives because of bullying just this year alone. Dozens!! Today is only the 49th day of the year!!! Can you see the urgency?
These are links and numbers everyone should have handy at all times:
WHOF's Suicide Support page
STOP Teenage Suicide
Stop Bullying website
1-800-273-TALK(8255)
No child, gay or straight, black or white, fat, skinny, Martian, or otherwise should ever, EVER, be put in a position where they feel that ending their life is the only hope they have for the bullying to end. At the end of the program handed out by Drew's family at his memorial get-together were the words "Zero Tolerance against Bullying". Where have you read that before?
This is what it's going to take. It's going to take more families getting involved and demanding change. No child, ever, should be bullied...period. As an extension, however, no child certainly should ever have to feel like the only way to get away from the bullying is to end his or her life. That's why I write these articles. That's why so many people are getting involved with such a critically essential struggle: this has to end now!
We are already painfully aware that the officials, be it school officials, law enforcement, or even some politicians, are more than willing to turn a blind eye to the problem. Indeed, the statement from the La Cresenta law enforcement was that "their investigation" showed no evidence of bullying. In fact, he defiantly added "I know there has been a lot of speculation about bullying -- it had nothing to do with that." Apparently, their investigation was in the wrong places. It was reported here from the beginning that Drew Ferraro ended his life because of bullying. Now certainly isn't the time or place for "I told you so", and that's not my intent; however, if friends and family say that it was caused by bullying, it just doesn't matter what the school officials or law enforcers say. They're simply trying to cover their own asses. Those closest to the victims, those left to pick up the pieces, will certainly know better than the "officials" what happened to their loved one.
It's up to us, the concerned citizens of the world community, to make the changes that are necessary to bring this woeful chapter to an abrupt end. A lot is being done. And, progress is being made. Just not fast enough. Certainly not fast enough to save Drew Ferraro's life or any other of the dozens of teens who have taken their own lives because of bullying just this year alone. Dozens!! Today is only the 49th day of the year!!! Can you see the urgency?
These are links and numbers everyone should have handy at all times:
WHOF's Suicide Support page
STOP Teenage Suicide
Stop Bullying website
1-800-273-TALK(8255)
No child, gay or straight, black or white, fat, skinny, Martian, or otherwise should ever, EVER, be put in a position where they feel that ending their life is the only hope they have for the bullying to end. At the end of the program handed out by Drew's family at his memorial get-together were the words "Zero Tolerance against Bullying". Where have you read that before?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Payton Ruth Anne Richardson Was Only 12-Year-Old
What's really heartbreaking is that, during a time when there is such a strong, positive movement going on worldwide, we're still having young people end their lives. Sunday, February 12, 2012, 12-year-old Payton Ruth Anne Richardson ended her young life. Her friends say, for sure, that it was due to bullying. The school superintendent says "there was no indication of bullying". With the climate being what it is around the world right now, that's exactly what one would expect him to say. I, for one, would have to believe those close to her before believing the paid official. Whatever happened, the outcome is the tragic same. This beautiful 12-year-old child is gone.
Immediately, one of her friends posted a video on youtube both as a tribute to her fallen friend and as a social message that's been resonating around the globe for the past few months: STOP BULLYING!!! It's heartwarming to know that this was done by our future, the ones who will be leading our country, and world!, soon enough. I'm beginning to think that THEY get it better than a lot of our adults do, and that's a frightening reality. I strongly encourage you to not just watch this video, but share it as well. The message is powerful as it is coming from a close friend of someone who has just left this world.
To be sure, much is being done right now. I can attest to the fact that there are people all around the globe doing huge and wonderful things as means to an end, with that "end" being the eradication of bullying and bullycide. However, until we've actually seen the end of it, much more still needs to be done. We need more people doing their part to bring this to an end. We need everyone working in concert, with one crystal-clear goal: TO END BULLYCIDES...once and for all. We need to continue to reach out, but that's not enough, either. We also need to keep the pressure on every school district, and every politician, to implement stronger anti-bullying measures AND enforce them. Until this ends, we need to be vigilant.
In the meantime, we need to know, immediately!, where to go to get the resources needed if we're "in the moment" or if we suspect that bullying is taking place. As Kim Towne said TAKE ACTION!!!
Here's a list of resources to keep handy:
STOP Teenage Suicide
WHOF's Suicide Support
ABC: Anti-Bullying Coalition
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Befrienders
How To Identify and Deal With Bullying (pdf)
To the family and friends of Payton Ruth Anne Richardson, my heart goes out to you. I wish you peace and comfort in what is sure to be the most heartwrenching time of your lives. May you now be at peace, Payton.
Immediately, one of her friends posted a video on youtube both as a tribute to her fallen friend and as a social message that's been resonating around the globe for the past few months: STOP BULLYING!!! It's heartwarming to know that this was done by our future, the ones who will be leading our country, and world!, soon enough. I'm beginning to think that THEY get it better than a lot of our adults do, and that's a frightening reality. I strongly encourage you to not just watch this video, but share it as well. The message is powerful as it is coming from a close friend of someone who has just left this world.
YOU can prevent bullying. Don't sit around and watch it happen. TAKE ACTION!!!The message can't be any clearer.
To be sure, much is being done right now. I can attest to the fact that there are people all around the globe doing huge and wonderful things as means to an end, with that "end" being the eradication of bullying and bullycide. However, until we've actually seen the end of it, much more still needs to be done. We need more people doing their part to bring this to an end. We need everyone working in concert, with one crystal-clear goal: TO END BULLYCIDES...once and for all. We need to continue to reach out, but that's not enough, either. We also need to keep the pressure on every school district, and every politician, to implement stronger anti-bullying measures AND enforce them. Until this ends, we need to be vigilant.
In the meantime, we need to know, immediately!, where to go to get the resources needed if we're "in the moment" or if we suspect that bullying is taking place. As Kim Towne said TAKE ACTION!!!
Here's a list of resources to keep handy:
STOP Teenage Suicide
WHOF's Suicide Support
ABC: Anti-Bullying Coalition
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Befrienders
How To Identify and Deal With Bullying (pdf)
To the family and friends of Payton Ruth Anne Richardson, my heart goes out to you. I wish you peace and comfort in what is sure to be the most heartwrenching time of your lives. May you now be at peace, Payton.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Love Your Children (No Matter What)
I just read a comment left on a previous blog entry, and it struck me that that was the perfect message to expound upon with this being Valentine's Day.
The message in the comment left on the blog entry is about love. Coincidentally, today, Valentine's Day, is also supposed to be about the same topic. Take time out today to show the people closest to you that you truly love them just as they are and with no strings attached. You won't even need a Hallmark card to do that!
I'm straight, I have 2 kids. I spoke to them about all aspects of sexuality at several stages in their lives. I assured them that if they were gay or straight, nothing would change my love for them, why would it?? Both of my kids are straight. My daughter had the opportunity to support a close friend of hers, who had a strict religious upbringing. He felt brave enough to come forward because of that support. He doesn't have to hide who he is, and his parents actually get to know what a great kid they have!! You owe it to your children, to let them know early on that you will respect there choices. I would do anything to protect my children, and ensuring them they are loved and accepted is the ultimate gift you can give.Strong message. Unfortunately, as was the case with EricJames Borges, that doesn't always happen. Too often, parents allow their own prejudices, intolerance, and myopic views come between themselves and their teens who are struggling to be accepted just for who they are. Just the other day, a teenager posted:
That is a message I've been stating for years. I'm afraid that, especially in the so-called Bible Belt region, this plays out far too often. The problem with that, of course, is that there will always be emotionally wounded teens left in its wake. They've heard, probably for as long as they can remember, mommy and daddy rant about how sick or perverted or immoral or even "disgusting" gays and lesbians are. And, of course, mommy and daddy never once took the time to recognize the fact that their own son or daughter could be one of the very people they're ostracizing. Meanwhile, with each word cutting through them like a dagger, the LGBT teen is slowly but surely being killed by the ones who gave them life. The ones who are supposed to love them no matter what. Of course, when I say "being killed", I don't necessarily mean literally. There are certainly more cases than not where the child survives the verbal abuse handed to them by their parents. However, emotionally, they are often good as dead. If not completely flat-lined, they suffer multiple stab wounds by the verbal dagger swung their way by their parents and are left for dead. In some cases, it takes years for them to recover from that. Their self-esteem thrown to the ground and run over by a 50-car freight train.
The message in the comment left on the blog entry is about love. Coincidentally, today, Valentine's Day, is also supposed to be about the same topic. Take time out today to show the people closest to you that you truly love them just as they are and with no strings attached. You won't even need a Hallmark card to do that!
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